Community Chat

[Vivian]

A wealthy friend of mine who has been divorced for 35 years has been in an on-and-off 30+ year relationship with a long-divorced man who has had family and financial problems. My friend emailed me yesterday, very upset because two of the man's three children had married and had children and he never told her about any of it. I wrote back to say that after all their years together, what he did was rotten and indicated that there was something wrong with a person who needs to keep this part of his life secret. Over the years this man has been quite irresponsible and that's one reason why they never married. This morning I got an email from my friend saying I should not have replied with my opinion and that a real friend would have been more empathic. I assume she meant I should have simply replied, "I'm sorry." Then I started wondering that perhaps this man had his reasons for not discussing his good news with her if her expectations of friends are so hard to measure up to.