What kind of friend is this? - Page 3

Lovingq · ‎03-09-2010

@GingerPeach wrote:
I think too many here are skipping a step by telling the OP to get over it.
First, before getting over anything or being altruistic or whatever else, a person ought to be allowed to be unhappy about something, express her feelings, and deal with her feelings.

Only then will she (or anyone) be able to take a higher road, which is likely where she will go eventually. In the meantime, she might like a bit of a shoulder to lean on, keeping in mind the shoulder is just temporary.

I agree. So many rude comments to the OP expecting her to have a robotic reaction. She is entitled to her feelings and they are legitimate.

janinna · ‎07-29-2011

I think that I just felt bad because I invested so much time with her and then for her to go on a trip and not tell me. I don't begrudge her the trip, I never would have gone with them. I helped her because she is my friend, not that I expected anything from her. Maybe just the common courtesy of a phone call or heads up telling me she was going. I guess I thought we were better friends then that. By the way the vacation was a bust. The girls got in a fight and some came home early. I felt bad she had to cut her vacation short.

september · ‎03-09-2010

I see your point, Janinna, but since the trip was with her daughter and sister, it might have been a last minute thing...based on when all of them had the chance for a getaway.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@Moretofollow wrote:
@GingerPeach wrote:
I think too many here are skipping a step by telling the OP to get over it.
First, before getting over anything or being altruistic or whatever else, a person ought to be allowed to be unhappy about something, express her feelings, and deal with her feelings.

Only then will she (or anyone) be able to take a higher road, which is likely where she will go eventually. In the meantime, she might like a bit of a shoulder to lean on, keeping in mind the shoulder is just temporary.

I agree. So many rude comments to the OP expecting her to have a robotic reaction. She is entitled to her feelings and they are legitimate.

I did not see anyone saying anything rude. I saw people giving their opinions...honestly and respectfully.

tedEbear · ‎03-22-2015

@janinna--- my MIL had cancer and I took her to all appointments with the doctors before her surgery. When she was in the hospital, I was there everyday so I would be there where any doctor came in to see her. When the surgeon told her they would be removing her leg, she said she understood. She didn't, I called the doctors office about the surgery and the office manager said they booked 2 rooms one for removal of leg and one for the removed leg. They removed her leg as you would break a Barbie leg off, up where it meets the pelvic bone. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Anyway, her last appt after surgery, she INSISTED her Son take her to appt, knowing he would not go in with her as I would have if I had taken her. The dr told her she would not live too much longer and if she wanted to go and see her siblings in another country do it now. We did not know she was that bad. But, she went and had a wonderful brothers and sisters reunion, spent time in hospital there, then came home and passed in about a month and and a half. So maybe this woman NEEDED a FAMILY good-bye-- you don't know for sure, either, so be her FRIEND or Not and stop worrying about it. Take of yourself--------tedEbear

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

My gosh, I now feel very bad and sad that they didn't get along on their trip. Hope your friend is ok and will continue to do very well on this difficult journey. Good health to her and to others. Sending her our positive and caring thoughts for happier and healthier days ahead.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Lovingq · ‎03-09-2010

@september wrote:
@Moretofollow wrote:
@GingerPeach wrote:
I think too many here are skipping a step by telling the OP to get over it.
First, before getting over anything or being altruistic or whatever else, a person ought to be allowed to be unhappy about something, express her feelings, and deal with her feelings.

Only then will she (or anyone) be able to take a higher road, which is likely where she will go eventually. In the meantime, she might like a bit of a shoulder to lean on, keeping in mind the shoulder is just temporary.

I agree. So many rude comments to the OP expecting her to have a robotic reaction. She is entitled to her feelings and they are legitimate.
I did not see anyone saying anything rude. I saw people giving their opinions...honestly and respectfully.

I beg to differ. I saw quite a few cold hearted and ugly responses.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@janinna wrote:
A friend of mine recently went through cancer treatment. I was with her every step of the way. I spent a lot of time getting her through this. She has recovered very well. I used to hear from her daily. I didn't talk to her for a few days, then I saw on Facebook that she and her sister and daughter had gone to Florida for two weeks. She left and never said anything to me. I was quite shocked. She called when she got back and she acted like nothing had happened. I didn't bring up the subject because I guess I feel that she showed her true colors to me. My feelings toward her will never be the same. Am I wrong or should I have called her out on it? We have been friends a long time and I just can't believe she would do something like that to me. You think you know someone.

I don't know what you mean by your friend showing her true colors. What exactly did she do that was so awful? Is it that she didn't tell you she was going ? Is it that you weren't invited along?

She doesn't have to ask your permission before going on a nice getaway with family, friends, herself, or anyone else, and she didn't even have to inform you. I don't see what there is to "call her out on" or why your feelings about her would never be the same. Presumably, she has other friends and she likely didn't inform them all. It also might have been last-minute, spontaneous, or a surprise. But even if not, she's not obligated to let you know and she's not obligated to invite you. Especially in the case of someone who recently went through cancer treatment, I think it would be far more kind and appropriate to be happy for her that she got a much-needed break.

It sounds as though you feel that you're owed something because you helped get her thru her cancer treatments. You can't possibly imagine her current mindset, and if this is what she wanted to do, I don't see how it can be classified as something that she did to you. Saying she showed her true colors, your feelings toward her will never be the same, you can't believe she did this to you - That just seems way over the top, not to mention unfair to her. All she did was go on a getaway with her sister and daughter, and she called you when she got back. She's allowed to go away without you and/or your prior knowledge without being judged for it.

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

@september wrote:
I see your point, Janinna, but since the trip was with her daughter and sister, it might have been a last minute thing...based on when all of them had the chance for a getaway.

And, quite possibly, her family paid for it.............

♥Surface of the Sun♥

Lovingq · ‎03-09-2010

@janinna wrote:
I think that I just felt bad because I invested so much time with her and then for her to go on a trip and not tell me. I don't begrudge her the trip, I never would have gone with them. I helped her because she is my friend, not that I expected anything from her. Maybe just the common courtesy of a phone call or heads up telling me she was going. I guess I thought we were better friends then that. By the way the vacation was a bust. The girls got in a fight and some came home early. I felt bad she had to cut her vacation short.

This forum is filled with blunt, rude people waiting to pounce on someone who has revealed too much information so they can twist your words and presume to know what is in your heart. Take care.