What degree of honest are you? - Page 5

MyShadowLove · ‎01-05-2015

I dealt with a MIL that would have called herself brutally honest. To me, it was incredibly hurtful. She gave her OPINION whether asked or not. How about saying to your DIL after looking her up one side, and down the other: "Do you even OWN a full length mirror?" I put up with her insults (honesty) for 47 years because of my love of her only son. As a result, I would say that I am a #2.

@mac116...May I ask how your husband responded to his mother's "brutally honest" attitude towards you while she was making such demeaning remarks to you and exhibiting a total lack of respect for her son's wife during those 47 years?

Also, how would your FIL react?

Your MIL sounds like a very insecure and jealous woman....Yes, there are actually some MILs that can be jealous of their DILs....She looked at you as someone who intruded on her and her son and you now became the main focus of her son's love and attention and she probably resented any attention that your FIL may have given you also...It is very disturbing behavior and, obviously, destroys the very fibers that make for a loving, supportive family relationship, as it affects everyone in the immediate family.

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with such demeaning behavior.

~~Formerly known as "WildFlowers"~~

bonnielu · ‎03-11-2010

I am honest but there is one exception. I will not hurt someone knowingly. So to protect my friends I will not tell them something I know they will not want to hear. I will 'walk around the answer."

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@dex wrote:
If honesty is just your opinion then it really doesn’t have a lot of value in many cases.

Yes, if the honesty being expressed is an opinion, the "honest opinion" could be considered just a form of self indulgence.

Honesty, in and of itself, is not the mark of integrity that some would like to make it out to be.

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

If someone asked my honest opinion, and my opinion is not a positive one, I will give it in a way that wouldn't hurt theirs feelings.Example,if a friend got her cut and it didn't flatter her I wouldn't ask if she used hedge clipppers.lol

You can be blunt with no filter and risk hurting feelings or chose to think of how you will make that person feel.

I had an Aunt with no filter and what was in her head was nasty and bi*chy and it cmae out sounding the same way. Needless to say no one wanted to be near her.

Had I given brutally honest answers to clients wanting an opinion when I was working I would have been out of a job.

onlyshopsonline · ‎03-09-2010

@goldensrbest wrote:
I will answer with this, a person is either honest,or they are not.No degree to it.

Nope....I don't agree. There are various types of honesty. For instance, today I received an order from an Etsy merchant, and they accidently sent me more product than I ordered. I contacted them to let them know.

Then there are situations where someone asks you "how do you like my new dress?" Even if I thought it was ugly, I would never say so. That would be mean.

"I've been here since October 2006. Wow!"

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

@qualitygal wrote:
Are you brutally honest with no holes barred? or

Honest to a degree, you kindly deliver your opinion or

Honest, but you'd never hurt anyone's feelings?

I'm pretty sure I'm the third one. Adding: I am honest, I just would weigh how I answer certain people. Kind of 2 & 3 depending on the person.

I think I'm somewhere in the middle of 2 and 3. If somebody says 'I just got this dress. I love it so much' and maybe I don't love it so much, but if they don't ask specifically for my honest opinion, I will be kind and happy for them that they got something they love. My opinion does NOT matter one whit in that scenario.

If the person says 'I'm not sure about this - what do you think about it?' I will tell them what I think. I won't be awful about it but will give an opinion based on the aspects of the item in terms of how I feel about it, doing so gracefully. But I don't think my opinion should be the be all and end all.

Outside of that type of stuff I'm pretty honest and don't do bs and don't play games. I would feel awful if I said something that was taken personally and hurt somebody's feelings, so I would not want to do that.

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

I just want to add something about unsolicited opinions. I am not on Facebook and never will be. However, I went on Sunny Anderson's to find a centerpiece she did on the Kitchen. Dear God, some of the comments about her hair, eating, and loud voice were just brutal. Can she get wound up, yes? I turn it off if it bothers me. If these people write this in public what are they like in person?

Before I get yelled at, yes, I know, everyone is entitled to their opinion. And yes she is on TV. I don't think that's a license for someone to be a verbal punching bag because they choose to work in the public eye.

If you work anywhere where you are in the public view someone will have an opinion of your hair, dress etc. That doesn't give them the right to come in to your place of business and say your hair color is terrible or that an outfit makes you look fat.

If some people followed the old adage "If you can't say anything nice say nothing at all" they would be mute.

IamMrsG · ‎08-29-2010

My honesty is being tested right now. I went to the grocery store today. I had a case of artisan beer in my cart. It's $50. At the register, the first thing I did when it was my turn was to point out the case in my cart (heavy to lift in-out). I also asked for two books of postage stamps to be added to my order.

Maybe I overwhelmed her, because my bill felt 'light.' I questioned whether she remembered the stamps. "Yes." Then, still feeling the bill was 'off,' as we put the grocery bags into my cart, I asked if she also remembered the beer. She answered me, "Yes," again.

Once home, when I sat down to do the checkbook, I checked the register receipt. She did not charge me for the beer. It will be a nuisance to have to go back tomorrow, but it is the right thing to do.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.

Nugbucker · ‎08-07-2018

I’m someone who typically won’t offer my opinion unless asked and even then, unless I know you well, I tend to not say anything that could make someone feel bad. I consider myself an honest person in that I don’t cheat or steal, and I guess I’d say I don’t lie as much as I just keep my thoughts to myself because I’d hate to know I hurt someone by being ‘brutally’ honest.
My opinion- and that’s all it is- is that one can be honest without being rude about it. If that makes sense.