Community Chat

[LTT1]

@JAXS mom @newziesuzie... Example ( I won't use my husband here!) Teacher asks student to turn in homework. Student does not. When asked why, student shrugs. This continues ad nauseum.
DH does not verbally argue-- if confronted directly, he retreats. After 34 years of marriage, I have learned different methods to achieve compromises.

[SydneyH]

---

@Maxine49 wrote:

---

@JAXS mom wrote:

---

@newziesuzie wrote:


Sheesh said:

"***************
If you really want to know then why are you asking the question on a shopping channel forum? Why not Goggle it and read some articles by psycologists? HERE"

::
::

Because I DID Google it after a couple posters on the "bullying"
topic thread said its used a lot and misused and I don't understand
all the long scientific articles I found and I thought posters could
help explain in REAL every day terms.

"Google it" and "Google is your friend" isn't always the best
answer for me.

✌peace✌️

---

The problem is that many people claim it's something that it isn't. So, you really are better off not getting a general consensus on a shopping website. Although I'm not saying you shouldn't have asked, I just wouldn't assume that all the answers you get are correct. 

---

***************

My point exactly.  If one wants to be educated, start with reading articles written by credentialed people.

---

OP had a reasonable question, but I suspect this thread may be destined for Poofsville.  There is no one size fits all for anyone's experience, just like the question about bullies, but everyone knows them when they see it.

[surfk]

Why does every thread become reduced to a lot of bickering?

I mean, its a rather straight-forward topic to consider. But immediately, so many people apparently internalize this stuff and the discussion as a whole becomes lost.

Some things that people say can be taken at face value, you know. And other things can be taken with a grain of salt. Not EVERYTHING means something. Or even if it does...it doesn't HAVE to mean something (if you know what I mean). lol

Some people just like controversy. Another example of passive-aggression is to rile things up and then let everyone else go at it (as you go off into a corner to observe...while eating your popcorn).

If people are capable of arguing (or bickering or even just directly debating) with one another, then no one is being passive-aggressive. lol

So its odd to see an aggressive (although not 'hostile") and direct group of people accusing one another of being passive-aggressive.

I mean, it sure seems that most everyone is more than capable of holding  - and directly asserting - his or her opinions at Q forums.

[jaxs mom]

---

@LTT1 wrote:
@JAXS mom @newziesuzie... Example ( I won't use my husband here!) Teacher asks student to turn in homework. Student does not. When asked why, student shrugs. This continues ad nauseum.
DH does not verbally argue-- if confronted directly, he retreats. After 34 years of marriage, I have learned different methods to achieve compromises.

---

ok but I'm not sure if I'd really call the teacher student thing passive agrressive. Sometimes they know they have no excuse but just don't know what to say. Of course it would depend on the kid and I trust parents and teachers to be able to judge individually. 

[Gemspirit]

Hi newziesuzie~I don't know everything and never pretend to. But, I think I can at least point you in the right direction. Passive-aggressive sounds like an oxymoron. But, it's anything but.
People who have a passive-aggressive tendency try to get what they want not really caring what or who they may knockdown in their way. They do it with a smile on their face, kind words, and a hug, pat on the back, etc.. They are "passive" in that they can shower someone with kindness, friendship, support or even by distraction. All the while...they are aggressive by planning their next moves. A lot of people don't even realize they do this or, have the personality trait.
An example.a lot of us have fallen for....two kids are friends in school. Kid one doesn't care about the exam coming up. He blew off class a couple times, takes horrible notes, etc. but oh my the exam is next Friday. So kid one thinks and figures out who in his circle of friends is the most cocientious. With that in mind, kid one who would never normally go out of his way offers to give kid two a ride home, kid two has to walk he is still on his permit. Sure he will take the ride home, great! Kid one while in the car says something like, "you know Jimmy, we haven't just hung out in a long time. Wanna do breakfast this week? Or, how about tomorrow? Whilst at breakfast; kid one~Mike says hey we've got that history exam the end of next week don't we? Oh yes, Jimmy says, I've got my notes all highlighted and having my sister quiz me over the w/e. Really? Michael acts surprised. You're so good with notes, mine are all over the place. I can't figure out the industrial revolution . Which Pres was it again? Jimmy answers. Michael purposely asks a few more questions, on purpose. And Jimmy realizes as Mike pays the breakfast bill. That his friend is in trouble. He then has taken the bait. Michaels plan worked perfectly. Jimmy asks Mike, why don't you come over. We can go over my notes and my sister will quiz both of us....SCORE!
Go to the Psycology Today website, it's a great resource. Even just try Web MD. I'm sure you'll get a clearer answer. Hope my little scenario helped to give you a broad idea.

[lulu2]

---

@Lotus wrote:

-Victimization - Unable to look at their own part in a situation will turn the tables to become the victim and will behave like one

-Self-Pity - the poor me scenario

-Blaming others for situations rather than being able to take responsibility for your own actions or being able to take an objective view of the situation

Three perfect examples that define it right here in this forum.

And yes, it IS tossed around too often around here.

---

I can think of a few posters who could check off all three situations. (on a regular basis) Yet time after time, a brigade of posters will come to their defense and accuse others of being haters and bullies.

[Blueberry Hill]

This thread?

[jaxs mom]

---

@surfk wrote:

Why does every thread become reduced to a lot of bickering?

I mean, its a rather straight-forward topic to consider. But immediately, so many people apparently internalize this stuff and the discussion as a whole becomes lost.

Some things that people say can be taken at face value, you know. And other things can be taken with a grain of salt. Not EVERYTHING means something. Or even if it does...it doesn't HAVE to mean something (if you know what I mean). lol

Some people just like controversy. Another example of passive-aggression is to rile things up and then let everyone else go at it (as you go off into a corner to observe...while eating your popcorn).

If people are capable of arguing (or bickering or even just directly debating) with one another, then no one is being passive-aggressive. lol

So its odd to see an aggressive (although not 'hostile") and direct group of people accusing one another of being passive-aggressive.

I mean, it sure seems that most everyone is more than capable of holding  - and directly asserting - his or her opinions at Q forums.

---

Why do so many threads turn into bickering? Because there is a fairly large faction of the population that thinks that their statements should never be corrected or challenged and they take it as a personal attack or "rude" or "passive agressive" when people pointedly disagree with them or correct their inaccurate information. We see it all the time. We live in a world of make believe where some people think their opinion is factual at all times and they take it personally when people challange that fantasy. 

[Adelina]

---

@Gemspirit wrote:
Hi newziesuzie~I don't know everything and never pretend to. But, I think I can at least point you in the right direction. Passive-aggressive sounds like an oxymoron. But, it's anything but.
People who have a passive-aggressive tendency try to get what they want not really caring what or who they may knockdown in their way. They do it with a smile on their face, kind words, and a hug, pat on the back, etc.. They are "passive" in that they can shower someone with kindness, friendship, support or even by distraction. All the while...they are aggressive by planning their next moves. A lot of people don't even realize they do this or, have the personality trait.
An example.a lot of us have fallen for....two kids are friends in school. Kid one doesn't care about the exam coming up. He blew off class a couple times, takes horrible notes, etc. but oh my the exam is next Friday. So kid one thinks and figures out who in his circle of friends is the most cocientious. With that in mind, kid one who would never normally go out of his way offers to give kid two a ride home, kid two has to walk he is still on his permit. Sure he will take the ride home, great! Kid one while in the car says something like, "you know Jimmy, we haven't just hung out in a long time. Wanna do breakfast this week? Or, how about tomorrow? Whilst at breakfast; kid one~Mike says hey we've got that history exam the end of next week don't we? Oh yes, Jimmy says, I've got my notes all highlighted and having my sister quiz me over the w/e. Really? Michael acts surprised. You're so good with notes, mine are all over the place. I can't figure out the industrial revolution . Which Pres was it again? Jimmy answers. Michael purposely asks a few more questions, on purpose. And Jimmy realizes as Mike pays the breakfast bill. That his friend is in trouble. He then has taken the bait. Michaels plan worked perfectly. Jimmy asks Mike, why don't you come over. We can go over my notes and my sister will quiz both of us....SCORE!
Go to thePsycology Today website, it's a great resource. Even justgoogle it. I'm sure you'll get a clearer answer. Hope my little scenario helped.

---

____________________________________

These are good examples of cunning and duplicity, also know as machiavelianism, vs passive-aggression.

[dooBdoo]

I think I remember talking on one of the forums here about this topic before.  It's complex, and I'm not at all sure I understand all the nuances.

To my way of thinking (if I try to simplify) it's the result of not being willing to be direct and clear about what we really want to say.  Instead, we dance around our genuine intent and create confusion and misunderstandings.

I also think the fact that some people are passive-aggressive themselves causes them to be suspicious of everyone else's words and deeds instead of understanding that some of us say what we mean and mean what we say.  It's one of those cases in which we incorrectly project what we do or feel onto others.   (Problem on these forums:  the written word makes it hard to convey our true intent sometimes.)