Community Chat

[homedecor1]

Maybe a "thank you" for making me the person I am today. 

considering both my parents passed while I was in my late 20s and within 9 months apart I have to say they both were a tremendous influence on my adult life & raising my family.

They weren't the best parents together (they divorced after we were married🙄) but I'm glad they both had strong values because I learned from them & taught my kids the same.

Yes, I'd like to have the opportunity to thank them both even though as a kid they were "stressful" times.  I took care of both of them when they got sick - never questioned my decision or resented one minute -  I'd probably do it again!!!

[tsavorite]

To Honor them as best I could....I came from a mixed up messed up family but still it was all I had and for whatever reasons God placed us in their care and I came out ok.  

My Mom died suddenly while in hospital for relapsing lung infection....I had spoken with her on the phone just a few hours prior.  I wish I had gone up to the hospital that day...was planning to go the next day.  I deeply regret that.  She was a wonderful Mom....she was/is the only person I know that actually truly loved me....incredible.  She made lot's of mistakes....but she gave to all us kids so much.  Took care of my sister who was dx with MS (very chronic severe onset case) at 19 until she passed 23yrs later.  I helped out as a 14yr old kid....until I married and moved out at 24.  

My Dad well that's a different matter....he was a alcoholic....had a 4yr affair...busted up the family.  I didn't like him and was basically afraid of him.  Once I moved out I could deal with him better...only on visits and I would just visit with my Mom and sibilings and their wives and kids.  He was a very odd person...and he got meaner if that was possible the last yrs of his life.  My brothers and I were all still feeling like we were 5yr old kids around him....yelling at us...having angry outbursts and basically not wanting to get the help in he needed due to "hoarding" his funds.  He was in hospice for a long while....and I wish it was like what you see in the movies with things changing but truly if you haven't had a close relationship all your life then you aren't gonna suddenly have one.  It just doesn't happen that way.  He was sick and mean and depressed...the last thing he was concerned about was apologizing to his kids.  I don't think he ever felt he should have....he never did to our Mom.  His way was to provide the home needs.  I know he did care for all of us in his way....it just wasn't what any of us could relate to.  

We weren't there when he passed on....

[RedTop]

I had the privilege of seeing the love between my parents and their parents.   My parents were the babies of their families, they remained very close to, and honored their parents to the grave.   My dad had brothers, but he was the one my Grandpa depended on when it came to farm decisions.   My dad was the only son who truly loved living on the farm; I still feel my dad’s presence here, and am sure my grandparents are here too.  

My mom devoted her life to caring for her parents.   Papaw appreciated everything my Mom did for them, Mamaw expected it, took it for granted, and took advantage of my Mom.  Mom just kept juggling the responsibility of everyone in the family, always saw that my grandmother was taken care of, and tolerated the way she was treated because she knew she was doing the right thing.   Mom used her inheritance to do some very nice things in honor of her parents.   

I am doing my best to be the daughter my Mom needs at this stage of her life.   Mom has been very open with me, and my brothers, and we are all on the same page as to her wants, needs and expectations.   We are a team, and we are in it for each other until the end.    

[onlyshopsonline]

 I remember an encounter with my father, when I was a teenager.  His response to me was "I owe you nothing." (not those exact words)  That's exactly what I owed him and my mother!

'nuff said.

[hckynut]

@Jordan2

I owed my father nothing but disgust/anger and hatred for what he did to my mother. Beat her up on a regular basis, before I was old enough to realize it. Left my mother to raise myself and my 3 older sisters by herself back in the early 1940's.

I lived with my mother until she died, just the two of us, as my sisters had all married. I was in my late teens and early 20's most of our living alone years. I felt as though I did what I could to make her life easier, but also did things I knew made her life harder, like race cars and drank more than she liked. My scumbag of a dad was an alcoholic, and my drinking made it harder for her with thinking I might end up the same.

In hindsight as I grew older after her death, there are many more things I could have done to make her life better and easier for her. That really bothered me mentally for years and years, part of the reason I think for my drinking problem.

I doubt there are many that truly loved their parent(s) that looking back might see they might have done more for their deceased mother or dad. 

Now looking at my life the last several decades, I feel my mom would be very happy with the life I now live, and have now for many decades. I owe her more than I could ever express in just words.

hckynut

[Financialgrl]

I consider myself extremely lucky/blessed to have had the parents we did.  But mom was dx with cancer at 42, after having given birth to a child a year earlier (the other 3 of us were 9-14 years).  

Dad pulled us together and explained we all had to do whatever it took to run the household.  His part was working and taking mom to her medical appts.  Part of his speech was there would be no male jobs or female jobs, everyone pulls together to do whatever needed done.  Brother helped cook and sister and I helped cut grass and lawn care and we all changed diapers and fixed formula for my youngest brother so dad could do what he had to for our mother.  She died at 46 before youngest was in Kindergarten.    

Forty years later when dad needed help all 4 of his kids were still living near him and we ALL were very involved in his care.  The man was a role model for what needed done to pull the family together in bad times so for us this was being there for him just as he'd been for us when mom got sick cuz actions speak louder than words!

[ID2]

Wow ummm I owe my parents my life! Without them I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have met the love of my life, nor would there have been two terrific people added to our world. I owe my parents everything. 

[Greeneyedlady21]

This really hits home for me now, my Mom is in hospice care and I'm caring for her in her home as I have been for almost three years. Everyone's family situation is different and I NEVER sit in judgement of that. That's one thing I just despise, people who do that from the comfort of their own perfect perch. So to speak.

My father is still living. He was abusive, physically when I was young then verbally and emotionally into my adulthood. He's  a veteran and made the choice to take his problems out on his own family rather than to accept available help. I think there are lots of families suffering the consequences of that. He was an alcoholic too. So was my Mom.

My Mom drank for reasons I completely understand now. Yes she was abusive verbally when she did. I've really been a superwoman for her my whole life, never more than these last three years. It's hard beyond words what I'm doing now. But when she's gone I will have zero regrets. I have two brothers, I don't even want to get started on that subject. But I've given my Mom all I have and then some. We've become closer in ways I can't even articulate, and that's a blessing. 

I never had kids but if I had I would say all they owed me was love, kindness, and respect if I had earned that respect.

[sarahjaney]

A 'thank you' by living my life in a way that honors their memory.

[chrystaltree]

That's how you feel but other people have a right to their own feelings.  There's no right or wrong answer.  Jack's father mean and abusive and his fafther was not a part of his life.  Jack owed his dying father absolutely nothing.  His only consideration should have been what was right for him and his own family.  Jack decided that being with his boys was right for him.  His father wasn't worth giving up precious time with his own sons.  Leslie's case was different, it seems like she and her mother had cold and strained relationship.  Her mother wouldn't have known if she was there or not.  She had a duty to her client and she delayed going to her mother.  She did go to the funeral.  I don't think we owe are parents anything in this regard.  We aren't required to subordinate our own feelings for a parent who was emotionally or physically abusive and who don't have a relationship with. Jack's father didn't want a reconciliation.  He didn't want to apologize to his son.  He didn't want to make amends.  He just didn't want to die alone.  Too bad, that was a choice he made years and years ago.