Community Chat

[LilacTree]

On 2/16/2014 Snowpuppy said:

I'm always amazed that many women believe their spouse should be their only social connection and if they're not, well, then they're disappointed or "bored". Seriously? Your spouse should entertain you so you're not bored?

They make a spouse their entire world and when their children are grown living their own lives they lose a spouse thru death or divorce and are startled to learn how alone they truly are.

Not one poster has mentioned the financial aspects of divorce at this age. Sounds like the OP doesn't work outside the home. Probably hasn't for many years. Any idea on how she is to support herself currently as well as thru her golden years?

I mentioned the financial aspects. I said she should make sure she can support herself. See my post #13.

[EastCoastViewer]

The wonderful thing about getter older is we learn to better define what we want out of life. Often that leads to waking up one morning and finding out we no longer like or and love the person we've spent the last 10, 20, 30+ years with because that person's imperfections are no longer tolerable.

After a career, raising children and doing for others, we think we deserve to be happy now and put ourselves first. So we branch out and leave. At first the freedom is exciting. The prospects of a new life, new love or just enjoying vacations and friends as a single are inviting. Your ex moves on and finds another woman to love him. (In a world where the female to male ratio at your age is 2:1), the prospect of your husband finding another mate to love him with all his imperfections is greater than yours. Fast forward a few years. Your husband is happily settled with someone else, your children are happily settled with someone else and you are sleeping alone, snore-free, but still alone. And it's too late to undo it.

Thirty-five years ago you promised to love, cherish and obey, so do. LOVE HIM and CHERISH HIM and forget about how much you are unfulfilled. What we give comes back to us. He has probably checked out from you a long time ago because he knows he no longer can make you happy. Nobody hangs around trying to accomplish a futile task. Get your mind off yourself and get back into him. Find joy in giving love.

I've been married for 25 years to a man who tells me everyday he loves me and demonstrates it sacrificially. He does this because of our deep Christian faith and I've learned to find joy in loving him and believe me, he has lots of imperfections. I also learned to be honest with myself and face my own imperfections head on.

I pray you rethink your decision. I've been there but I had a friend to talk me down from the ledge (so to speak) and I'm glad she did.

[hsawaknow]

On 2/16/2014 EmmaBunting said:

On 2/16/2014 hsawaknow said: Thank you Emma. It can be hard at times and even scary but my faith and going to therapy is what keeps me going.

Oh my gosh, hsawaknow! I just reread what I wrote to you! Did you see where I said you'd benefit from being "serrated"......... I obviously meant SEPERATED!!! I don't think you'd benefit too much from being cut up!

Lol... I knew what you mean't and got a good laugh!

[occasionalrain]

Shouldn't you be telling him instead of us?

[Catitude]

On 2/16/2014 Snowpuppy said:

I'm always amazed that many women believe their spouse should be their only social connection and if they're not, well, then they're disappointed or "bored". Seriously? Your spouse should entertain you so you're not bored?

They make a spouse their entire world and when their children are grown living their own lives they lose a spouse thru death or divorce and are startled to learn how alone they truly are.

Not one poster has mentioned the financial aspects of divorce at this age. Sounds like the OP doesn't work outside the home. Probably hasn't for many years. Any idea on how she is to support herself currently as well as thru her golden years?

[esmerelda]

This is deja vu! I swear someone posted this very scenario within the last couple/few years.

If that poster is still reading, please update your story.

[bikerbabe]

Have you had an honest talk with your husaband? If not, why not.

Talk and seek counseling first before making a decision.

[------]

You better think long and hard about what life will be like as a single woman at 59 especially after being married as long as you have. I'm not saying you won't be happy on your own. I am saying life isn't all sunshine and rainbows when you've been depending (yes, depending) on someone else for almost 4 decades.

Good luck to you.

[JustJules]

Your post sort of says it all, seems like you have already made up your mind. It is unfortunate that you have so much time together, but people do change and grow apart. You need to think about your future and your happiness. Personally, I would rather be alone and happy than be with someone that didn't bring me joy. I married my HS sweetheart, and we married and divorced in our 20's, so I am no relationship expert, other than to say, you have one life, make it count. If you are not happy with your current situation, find a way to make yourself happy. Maybe a separation is a good start for you both, before jumping into the deep end of the pool. Have you had any discussion with your hubby? Maybe he isn't so happy either... you never know what people think when life just becomes monotonous. I hope you find your happiness.

[EastCoastViewer]

On 2/16/2014 EastCoastViewer said:

The wonderful thing about getter older is we learn to better define what we want out of life. Often that leads to waking up one morning and finding out we no longer like or and love the person we've spent the last 10, 20, 30+ years with because that person's imperfections are no longer tolerable.

After a career, raising children and doing for others, we think we deserve to be happy now and put ourselves first. So we branch out and leave. At first the freedom is exciting. The prospects of a new life, new love or just enjoying vacations and friends as a single are inviting. Your ex moves on and finds another woman to love him. (In a world where the female to male ratio at your age is 2:1), the prospect of your husband finding another mate to love him with all his imperfections is greater than yours. Fast forward a few years. Your husband is happily settled with someone else, your children are happily settled with someone else and you are sleeping alone, snore-free, but still alone. And it's too late to undo it.

Thirty-five years ago you promised to love, cherish and obey, so do. LOVE HIM and CHERISH HIM and forget about how much you are unfulfilled. What we give comes back to us. He has probably checked out from you a long time ago because he knows he no longer can make you happy. Nobody hangs around trying to accomplish a futile task. Get your mind off yourself and get back into him. Find joy in giving love.

I've been married for 25 years to a man who tells me everyday he loves me and demonstrates it sacrificially. He does this because of our deep Christian faith and I've learned to find joy in loving him and believe me, he has lots of imperfections. I also learned to be honest with myself and face my own imperfections head on.

I pray you rethink your decision. I've been there but I had a friend to talk me down from the ledge (so to speak) and I'm glad she did.

Sorry, I didn't mean OBEY, just CHERISH! LOL!