Community Chat

[voyager1980]

Great advice from everybody. All I'll add is to say I'm sorry you're unhappy OP & pray you find a good answer.

[hsawaknow]

I was married over 20 years and we still have a young child. We tried everything, counseling, talking, seperation and now I'm going thru a nasty divorce. Right now he has custody of the kids and ttemporary use of the home. I don't mind being alone or not married what I do mind is not being able to see my children when I want to. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

[GCR18]

You sound like my mother. She was married 49 years when my father passed in 2009. She never would have had the strength to get a divorce, but she felt very similar to you.

IMO realizing it is the first step. Counseling is a good second step to talk it through.

[LilacTree]

I imagine this is not a rare thing. You are bored. You need to tell him the truth, and as PurpleBunny said, be ready to hear he feels the same way.

If you do decide to separate (don't rush into a divorce), make sure you can support yourself. Also, after living all of those years with someone else in the house, make sure you will be able to live alone and like it. The odds are, at your age, you will not meet someone else to have a "romantic" relationship with, if that's what you are thinking.

In other words, be sure of all the negatives, do not expect a whole new exciting life that may not come. If it did, you would be one of the rare lucky ones.

Also, talk to your children. Even adult children will get upset if their parents split. Explain how you feel, and so should he. Sometimes they can be very helpful in decision-making such as this.

I am very empathetic to how you feel. Believe it or not, I felt the same way towards both of my ex-husbands, but at a much, much younger age. I was 35 when I divorced for the second (and last) time. I have been very happy and fulfilled living the single life and have never regretted or missed not living with a man. Some people are just not meant for marriage and I am one of them.

Good luck to you.

[croemer]

On 2/16/2014 hsawaknow said: I was married over 20 years and we still have a young child. We tried everything, counseling, talking, seperation and now I'm going thru a nasty divorce. Right now he has custody of the kids and ttemporary use of the home. I don't mind being alone or not married what I do mind is not being able to see my children when I want to. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

I am sorry to read that. You must feel so upset, best to you that things change.

[heartkeeper]

Where to begin? With an excellent divorce attorney.

Sorry you are going through this, AbbyK.

[EmmaBunting]

On 2/16/2014 hsawaknow said: I was married over 20 years and we still have a young child. We tried everything, counseling, talking, seperation and now I'm going thru a nasty divorce. Right now he has custody of the kids and ttemporary use of the home. I don't mind being alone or not married what I do mind is not being able to see my children when I want to. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Good luck to you, too, hsawaknow. It sounds like you've been through the ringer. You sound like someone who will definitely benefit from being serrated. I'm so sorry about your children, though. I hope the situation improves.

[Cats3000]

You and he need marital counseling--NOW!!! You all probably should have had it long ago. Before you trash a 36 year relationship, get some professional help. Try to do it together. If he refuses, get it on your own.

[chickenbutt]

On 2/16/2014 BlueCollarBabe said:

Sometimes the other partner is quite happy because they're sort of oblivious. They've learned to tune out the negativity and just want to believe it can go on forever. And sometimes it does. This is how many married couples end up - more like brother and sister. Do some people stay "madly in love" for decades? Maybe but I doubt that most do.

And I suspect it's more often the wife who would like to change things but doesn't because as the OP says - where to begin? Now some will tell you that you should "go for it", leave and find true love elsewhere. That's not very realistic. It happens for a few but most older women will find themselves alone if they're suddenly 60 and single. Also much poorer because they'll have half the income with almost the same expenses. Many people just go their separate but together ways and realize that life is not a fairy tale and they are not Cinderella. Enjoy your own interests and share what you can with him. Many older people would be thrilled to have a friend to live with.

I've read all the replies and this one ^ is the one that makes the most sense to me, being the realist that I am.

[hsawaknow]

Thank you Emma. It can be hard at times and even scary but my faith and going to therapy is what keeps me going.