Very Difficult Situation - Page 6

Anonymous · ‎05-24-2016

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JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@JBKO - At this point, all you have is the "news" of something that's going on in your family. And there are probably more things that you're either not privy to or you just haven't shared. There were likely problems in the family well before the girl ended up pregnant. Middle school aged girls who live in a healthy family situation don't usually go out with a boy who is 6 yrs. older than her. That alone, without the pregnancy, is bad enough. An older guy like that with an inexperienced, naive child is a recipe for disaster and abuse. So I suspect there is a lot more going on than meets the eye. The timing of the pregnancy is indeed unfortunate, but it is not your situation to handle. Leave it to the parents. Hopefully they will do the right thing and file charges against the guy, but one has to wonder if they will since they haven't intervened and stopped things before they went too far - if they've known about the guy and relationship, that is. All you can do is be a sounding board if someone needs it. Cry with them, pray with them, just be there to offer whatever support you can to them and the young girl. But in the end, any and all decisions are theirs and you would be wise to keep your opinions to yourself unless they ask you for input.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Big Sister wrote:
@JBKO, the first thought that comes to my mind is don't offer any suggestions, opinions or guidance unless you are asked by that family.

In other words, don't get involved at this point. Also, I would hope that the child will put the baby up for adoption.

And, the 19 year old man should be arrested for statutory rape. Period!

Really, what else is there to say?

This is good advice. They will be bombarded with people who have input.

Instead of having any input, simply put yourself at their disposal for anything they need right now. Someone to talk to, lunch out, just the girls if they want to, with no mention of the situation unless they bring it up.

Above all, I'd say don't be different right now. Don't avoid them or become more involved/concerned than would be normal for your relationship before this. It could be mistaken as nosey or being a busybody.

And as another poster stated, this isn't going to be the end of anyone's world (except maybe the guy if prosecuted). The one most effected will be the baby, whatever they decide to do about keeping or adopting. Next will the the 13 year old, but with the right guidance and time, she can be all right as well.

It is sometimes hard not to internalize other's problems, but I caution you to try to maintain a balance of care, concern and love, with realizing that what is done is done, and all that can be done from here is to try to make good decisions about what follows, and most of that is not up to you.

JJsMom · ‎03-10-2010

This is basically a child impregnated through rape. I know what I'd do if it were my daughter.

There is nothing positive to spin about this situation. It is a tragedy.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

AngusandBuddhasMom · ‎03-10-2010

@JJsMom wrote:
This is basically a child impregnated through rape. I know what I'd do if it were my daughter.

There is nothing positive to spin about this situation. It is a tragedy.

Was not aware you knew the girl involved and that she said she was raped.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@JJsMom wrote:
This is basically a child impregnated through rape. I know what I'd do if it were my daughter.

There is nothing positive to spin about this situation. It is a tragedy.

Exactly!!!!!

Calling it a "joyous event" is like celebrating the fact that the rape happened.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:
@JJsMom wrote:
This is basically a child impregnated through rape. I know what I'd do if it were my daughter.

There is nothing positive to spin about this situation. It is a tragedy.
Was not aware you knew the girl involved and that she said she was raped.

Even if the girl wanted to be with the guy, when someone over the age of 18, has sex with someone under the age of 18, it is statutory rape.

Ever heard the expression, "16 will get you 20"?

I can't believe someone has to explain statutory rape to you.

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

If this was my daughter, I would not be able to find any joy at all in this. THIRTEEN!! It would not make any difference to me who or how this happened. We would be devastated.

With so many senseless and horrible tragedies in this world, I hate the phrase "God doesn't make mistakes". That phrase helps no one.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@reiki604 wrote:
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Offer your support and concentrate on your own myriad of problems and issues.

Yes, the OP certainly has a lot on her "emotional plate" for someone so young, as evidenced by her new threads every week or so. She should focus on sorting out her own issues.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

A friend of mine from high school has a daughter the same age as my oldest, and the girls were on the same sports teams. My friends daughter got pregnant at 14. After the initial shock and disappointment, both families involved, formed a bond to support their children and care for the baby. The boy and his parents were there every step of the way, and the baby grew up with both families. The teens continued dating until college, dated other people, but got back together in their mid 20's, married, and had more children. Both have college educations, good jobs, happy kids, and seem to be living happily ever after. Their families are very proud of them, and the kids have always realized, and been appreciative of the support of their entire family.

This situation will be defined by the attitude of all involved. Regardless of how heartbroken you are, I suggest keeping those inner feelings to yourself, and just be supportive to your family, and their decisions.