Community Chat

[LTT1]

@Sweet_Serenity

Each situation is so different...

[Tinkrbl44]

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@RainCityWoman wrote:

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@LiveLaughLove wrote:

Me too.  And by that I mean I put a stop to it immediately, right at the source.  First time I was eighteen.  Happened a couple of times later at other jobs.  I always put a stop to it right away.  Scared, but could not allow that.  Btw, back in the day I wore a 32dd bra with a 21 inch waist. I never wore tight clothes, but had guys  tried to "cop a feel" outside I Magnin in SF and many other places.  My brothers said I had the fasted elbows in the west.

I understand women with families to support, but these women who wanted to be in a movie or on tv and are now "coming forward", I just don't buy it.  Especially if it supposedly happened years ago.  Perhaps it happened then and then the perpetrator learned better and has not done it since.  Should he - or she - have to pay now?  I am not saying, don't say anything, but perhaps call them or write a letter and tell them how they made you feel. How it affected your life.  No need to call lawyers, the press, etc.

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In other words, encourage them to continue their behavior with others? You DO realize that this kind of behavior occurs outside of the HOllywood crew, don't you?

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@RainCityWoman     @LiveLaughLove

I find some of these comments absolutely stunning ....  women in every walk of life are subjected to predatory men very good at looking like a "nice guy". 

This isn't about "she wanted to be in a movie so she got what she had coming", @LiveLaughLove.     I don't know if assuming some version of "no thank you" will always work is more naive ...  or ignorant.     It's so easy to ignore how things REALLY  were back then ... or assuming HR would even lift a finger to protect women.  The fact that you're willing to give these men the benefit of the doubt, but the women, shows how sadly out of touch some women are ..... time to get up to speed with real life.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

  Hopefully, most rational people understand that anyone can accuse another person of ANYTHING.

  Attention-deprived people have been known to hop onto bandwagons before.

  It should take more than an accusation of something that supposedly happened decades ago to bring down a person's career and/or reputation.

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@YorkieonmyPillow

Huh?   WHERE did you get the idea that a mere accusation is all it takes?   

Investigations take place and everything discovered isn't made public. If there's one accuser, and further probing reveals there were another 8 women who just "didn't want to cause trouble"  had the same experience, that first accusation suddenly carries a LOT more weight, even though we don't hear everything.   

BOTH men and women should be given the benefit of the doubt, but this "boys will be boys" kwap has got to end.    

[lovesrecess]

That is precisely what he is counting on!

[Tinkrbl44]

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@151949 wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

I think it is just as bad if the women  ,gives in because of promotions,or more money that kind of excuse,as the man.

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@goldensrbest, in your scenario, the man is the aggressor. If the woman gives into temptation, it's consensual, although maybe against the particular workplace rules.

If the woman gives in for reasons that we may think are trivial but are, in fact, important to her (keeping her job, being able to promote at some point, not trusting that TPTB will believe her, etc., ad nauseam),  I can't see how her action is equivalent to the aggressor's.

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I feel she has a choice ,she can leave as long as she is not being held against her well ,that is much different ,i feel that she is selling her morals in order to advance in some way,just as wrong in my eyes.

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@goldensrbest, there is no "she"; there are women, and each one is an individual with her own story and her own reasons for her actions. There is no blanket judgment that can or should be applied.

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Of course there is a she , and a he ,  no matter how you word it!!

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For some reason there are a lot of posters on this board who ALWAYS feel men are all bad or all wrong - and women are all good or always right. Neither of those things are true. There are bad men & bad women. There are women who would accuse a man of this just to get attention. Unless there is proof - then it did not happen in the eyes of the law. However she has gotten away with destroying his career and his reputation.

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@151949

Huh?   Do you really think women who come forward with humiliating information about sexual attacks are looking to "just get attention"?    Seriously?    Wow.

And what if a crime occurs with no proof or witnesses?   If someone commits a murder, but there are no witnesses, do you really think that it really didn't happen?   

Most predators are found to bide their time and don't go after someone when there are plenty of people around to witness (or interfere) with what they do .... that's how they get away with it over many years.   

People are accused all the time .....  but just doing that doesn't  ruin a career or reputation.    Investigations are done, but when men have a pattern and manage to "fly under the radar"  it's important to determine if there were other instances that other people are aware of. 

Even if a woman doesn't go to the police, she usually talks to others .... co-workers, friends, family, shrinks .....  who can corroborate the occurrance.   If it happens several times, that can stand up as reliable proof, which often leads the accused to settlements with police to avoid going to court and making it all more public.    Now THAT will ruin his reputation faster than anythig else.   

[Tinkrbl44]

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@FlowerBear wrote:

I dont get why people dont come out at the time things have gone on.

 I have been sexually harrassed in the past but I said something AT the time. Not years later.

How can anyone truly be believed when there is no evidence, no proof? When they wait years and decades I just dont always find it believable.

No Hate Replys Please.

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@FlowerBear

And so what happened?   Please elaborate on how it was handled.  Were you satisfied with the outcome?  Were you the only one ... or were there othes?

Even if a woman reports something immediately, and it's a legitimate occurance, there may be no evidence or proof.  Then what?

You seem to be ignoring the fact that reporting sexual aggression to HR, or the police, or whomever doesn't mean anything will be done.  Sometimes other women have previously done so and nothing happened .... so if something does harm to you, or doesn't do anything good, sometimes it's better to say nothng.  You need to pick your battles carefully in business .... anyone with half a brain will tell you that.

Do you recall the dilemma Gretchen Carlson had at Fox?  Roger Ailes was the big boss, the CEO, and extremely powerful, so HR was powerless to do anything.   Then goofy Gretta Van Sustern said publicly that since it never happened to her, and no one ever told her about their experience, it must not have happened.    How moronic!

Just because a man will harasses someone doesn't mean he'll harass every woman.  Predators pick their victims very carefully.    Reporting isn't always believed ... and sometimes reporting is punished, one way or another.   It's a very complicated situation in many instances.  Not simple, at all.

[suzyQ3]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

I think it is just as bad if the women  ,gives in because of promotions,or more money that kind of excuse,as the man.

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@goldensrbest, in your scenario, the man is the aggressor. If the woman gives into temptation, it's consensual, although maybe against the particular workplace rules.

If the woman gives in for reasons that we may think are trivial but are, in fact, important to her (keeping her job, being able to promote at some point, not trusting that TPTB will believe her, etc., ad nauseam),  I can't see how her action is equivalent to the aggressor's.

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I feel she has a choice ,she can leave as long as she is not being held against her well ,that is much different ,i feel that she is selling her morals in order to advance in some way,just as wrong in my eyes.

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@goldensrbest, there is no "she"; there are women, and each one is an individual with her own story and her own reasons for her actions. There is no blanket judgment that can or should be applied.

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Of course there is a she , and a he ,  no matter how you word it!!

---

For some reason there are a lot of posters on this board who ALWAYS feel men are all bad or all wrong - and women are all good or always right. Neither of those things are true. There are bad men & bad women. There are women who would accuse a man of this just to get attention. Unless there is proof - then it did not happen in the eyes of the law. However she has gotten away with destroying his career and his reputation.

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@151949

Huh?   Do you really think women who come forward with humiliating information about sexual attacks are looking to "just get attention"?    Seriously?    Wow.

And what if a crime occurs with no proof or witnesses?   If someone commits a murder, but there are no witnesses, do you really think that it really didn't happen?   

Most predators are found to bide their time and don't go after someone when there are plenty of people around to witness (or interfere) with what they do .... that's how they get away with it over many years.   

People are accused all the time .....  but just doing that doesn't  ruin a career or reputation.    Investigations are done, but when men have a pattern and manage to "fly under the radar"  it's important to determine if there were other instances that other people are aware of. 

Even if a woman doesn't go to the police, she usually talks to others .... co-workers, friends, family, shrinks .....  who can corroborate the occurrance.   If it happens several times, that can stand up as reliable proof, which often leads the accused to settlements with police to avoid going to court and making it all more public.    Now THAT will ruin his reputation faster than anythig else.   

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@Tinkrbl44, when @151949 says that without proof there is no crime, she is forgetting, as you reminded her, that proof comes in many forms, especially when there is a crime that has no immediate witnesses.