Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,333
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

@Ladygray A therapist has a professional obligation to be focused on you. I know it's difficult, but you should definitely be honest with her about how this is making you feel. She is completely unprofessional. If you don't have the ability to do video calls with her she still needs to be focused on only you over the telephone. You will feel empowered by bringing this up with her.


And don't pay any attention to inappropriate comments here. There are some judgmental people here who think they are also professionals who can diagnose others. 


"Don't hesitate, fumigate"
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,181
Registered: ‎03-29-2020

@Ladygray wrote:

The thing that really bothers me is part of my work issue is my boss disrespects me and is so demeaning to me and others.   I am dealing with someone at work who is unprofessional on so many levels.


Then... to have a therapist who knows my situation pretend to be giving me her time and attention only to go shopping while talking to me, it's maddening.  What about my privacy?  


I laugh out of sheer shock.   What the heck is wrong with people?



i and a lot of people wish we could answer that question.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,912
Registered: ‎10-01-2013

I would never confront this counselor, she knows she is the one in control in this scenario. If you choose to find a different therapist she isn't really going to care as there will always be other employees requiring this type of service. Your current boss isn't going to change, so you either deal with the situation or move away from this toxic person. Bad bosses are seldom dealt with or let go it seems.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,131
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Ladygray I would address the concerns with the therapist. If you can't be honest with your therapist, who can you be honest with? Could one of your issues be an inability to stand up for yourself? Here is a safe space to address and deal with it. Tell her you want her complete attention without the distractions you hear in the background and how important it is to you that she respect your appointment times. If she gets defensive or gives excuses and refuses to address your concerns, it's. time to find a new therapist.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,059
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

@Ladygray She is not "nice, supportive", or professional.  Call and ask for another therapist.  Much success in the future at your workplace!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,576
Registered: ‎07-10-2011

Why does it seem as if women are having problems with women who are in charge?. Don't like the word boss. Is it about power? I can see why some women prefer to have a man in charge.


@Ladygray, concerning your therapist, I would have said something right there and then like are you shopping, or I can hear water running somewhere.


Most phones can do video chat and what not. Maybe she does not want to do this because it would keep her in one place. Most doctors do that because they want to see the person they are talking to. Hope you find someone who would be best for you.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,115
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Ladygray wrote:

@haddon9 wrote:

It's not easy to find a good therapist who you will click with.  Just beacuse she many have a stellar background and qualifications does NOT mean that she is the right therapist for you!


If you can't meet in person, why not try zoom or telehealth?...some kind of video conference.  This way she would have to focus on you.  You can say that you just feel more comfortable than simply talking on the phone.  Otherwise it's time for a change.

I don't have a camera or video capabilities on my computer.


The ZOOM is a great idea.  Webcams are inexpensive to purchase, and also if you have a smartphone you can connect that way. You need to have her undivided attention.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,790
Registered: ‎07-24-2013

@Ladygray   if you want to have therapy, my strong advice is to start over and go with an independant therapist. EAP is provided by your company's insurer. Think about it.


 In addition, the EAP therapist is being, imo, somewhat passive aggressive. Being late repeatedly, inappropriate therapy visits.  Perhaps she has had second thoughts about sessions with you - for whatever reason. Maybe she WANTS you to call her out on it!  Maybe you need to be a bit assertive with her. Maybe with your boss? 


Whatever you do, trust me on this re: your boss.  keep things close to the vest at work. Avoid venting about your boss to co-workers, anyone.  Play the game. i'm certain you know this already.


For my own reasons, i do not completely trust EAP.   i have had therapy using EAP (through former employment, also with a [narcissist psycho] micromanaging boss who made my life miserable)    I sought therapy on my own.

Posts: 40
Registered: ‎12-02-2020

@Ladygray  I agree with a couple of the other posters who suggested you bring this up with the therapist directly.  I might start by sharing with her the research you did to select her and let her know you feel the sessions have value but there are times when you don't feel you have her full attention.  Let her know the details.  Also adress the times she has been late.  Let her know how you have to rush home to be on time and you need to work out a schedule that you both can adhere to.  

Keep in mind this may be her first experience working from home and some handle that better than others.  She may be unaware of how this is effecting you.  Depending on her response you may decide to continue with her or request a different therapist.

Based on what you have shared it sounds like you have made some really good decisions so far.  You are staying with your current employer for the sake of your pension which will benefit you later, you recognize your boss won't change and have sought therapy to help you better cope with the stress at work.

You might also schedule a consultation with a financial planner to look at the options you may have to retire a little earlier than you have planned.

I certainly wish you good luck moving forward and may all your wishes and dreams come true!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,345
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

If she's a good therapist she can take constructive criticism. She ought to be able to accept a client setting some reasonable boundaries for sessions. And she ought to be able to understand that you deserve privacy while talking to her. If others can hear her side of the conversation, that's not really private for you.


I think that before setting up your next session you should just let her know that going forward you prefer to talk with her at a set time when she is in a private area at home or in an office -- because you find any outside sounds during the call to be distracting. And that you would prefer that others not be able hear her side of the phone call during the session. It might only be possible for her to do that at a different time than you've been used to.


If she gets irritated by the request or can't manage to do it, nice as she might be otherwise, I'd find someone else.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr