Community Chat

[CelticCrafter]

I no longer eat turkey.  It stems from years of having my m-i-l rip the pop-up timer out and cook it until it was dead again and the legs are falling away from the rest of the bird.

She no longer does the day, my b-i-l & s-i-l do it, I still won't eat the turkey - I'll put one slice on my plate and move it around.  I would never ask them to make me a piece of chicken in it's place because there are other things on the table for me that I can fill my plate with.

[Mominohio]

I would suppose they didn't get the understanding from the email that it was kind of a private invitation to someone's home, and may have expected it to be more of a corporate type affair. 

At any rate, this is exactly why people don't step out and do. You think you are doing something nice, and people begin whining with their needs and demands and make it complicated and uncomfortable. 

People with special needs/requests like this should simply decline invitations that are in question or don't comply with their needs/preferences, rather than assume/request others to jump through hoops to satisfy them.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@Mj12 wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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@AngusandBuddhasMom If you are a pescatarian or vegetarian, then you can eat stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  If you are gluten free, you can eat turkey, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  I am not asking a board member to make special meals for these people when there will already be plenty of options.

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If people have certain dietary restrictions then maybe they were asking because they don't want to accept and then find out they can't eat certain things.

My DD has celiac I know she is used to doing with out and not asking. People seem confused as to what is and isn't allowed. Some people are more bold then others I see no reason to take offense.

For religious reasons we don't eat pork or any meat on Fridays. I never say anything if out or at a company function. I just look to see what I can have and make do. No big deal. That said  when people notice they make a big deal about it and seem to take a personal offense to it. I don't know how my abstaining from certain foods reflects on them but apparently it does.

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@AngusandBuddhasMom  It's Thanksgiving.  It's the one day of the year when you absolutely know what kind of food will be on the menu.  As I stated, there will be plenty of options for people who have dietary restrictions.  If you have these restrictions and you understand what Thanksgiving dinner means, then you know there will be something for you to eat.  It's not about their restrictions, it's about the audacity of them to expect special treatment under these specific circumstance, especially when they know they will not go hungry.  

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I don't think I'd call it expecting special treatment, to bring up their food allergies and sensitivities before the dinner.  Some people can get very physically ill.

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Knowing it's Thanksgiving and in general terms, knowing what wil be on the menu, they should decline the invitation rather than make demands on a probably already stressed host.  

[JJsMom]

So we still don't know if the hosts are even offended?

I guess speaking as someone who hosts a lot of dinners and birthday parties, I always inquire about dietary needs and preferences. I don't want to cook a turkey for a room full of vegetarians or pasta for a room full of gluten free eaters. Even if I found their preferences annoying, I'd still try to honor them because I valued their company.

What's the point of inviting people to dinner if you don't give a rip about what they like to eat? "You'll eat what I like or too bad!" is not really how I approach hosting. lol

[StraytoStay]

Sounds like these are virtually strangers being invited to a higher up employees home. That in itself is gracious, but to have these people say they need options and request a different main dish is beyond rude to the host. 

[sunshine45]

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@StraytoStay wrote:

Sounds like these are virtually strangers being invited to a higher up employees home. That in itself is gracious, but to have these people say they need options and request a different main dish is beyond rude to the host. 

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no one really requested a "different main dish." they wanted to make sure that there were vegetarian and gluten free options available.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@StraytoStay wrote:

Sounds like these are virtually strangers being invited to a higher up employees home. That in itself is gracious, but to have these people say they need options and request a different main dish is beyond rude to the host. 

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no one really requested a "different main dish." they wanted to make sure that there were vegetarian and gluten free options available.

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@sunshine45- that's not exactly correct. 

Here's the OP's ( @TenderMercies ) OP:  What do the GF guests mean when they say they'll need options?  Their option is to not eat the stuffing or the gravy.  Meat and vegetables would have been suitable for their dietary requirement, assuming none of those vegetable dishes had a sauce that was thickened with flour, or an igredient with gluten.  If they did, other plain vegetables would need to be made for those guests.  Those asking for a fish or vegetarian meal did in fact ask for the host to make something different for them.    

@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home. I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December. A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner. I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count. At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal." Is it wrong that I'm angry about this? I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving? I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins. Accept it as it is, or make other plans." Can you believe the nerve of some people?

[sunshine45]

@JeanLouiseFinch

the phrase "vegetarian options" says it all. the guest is not demanding fish.

it is not difficult to provide vegetarian options on a thanksgiving table.

it is also not difficult to let the host know the responses received along with the total number of guests.

[StraytoStay]

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@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:

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@sunshine45 wrote:

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@StraytoStay wrote:

Sounds like these are virtually strangers being invited to a higher up employees home. That in itself is gracious, but to have these people say they need options and request a different main dish is beyond rude to the host. 

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no one really requested a "different main dish." they wanted to make sure that there were vegetarian and gluten free options available.

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@sunshine45- that's not exactly correct. 

Here's the OP's ( @TenderMercies ) OP:  What do the GF guests mean when they say they'll need options?  Their option is to not eat the stuffing or the gravy.  Meat and vegetables would have been suitable for their dietary requirement, assuming none of those vegetable dishes had a sauce that was thickened with flour, or an igredient with gluten.  If they did, other plain vegetables would need to be made for those guests.  Those asking for a fish or vegetarian meal did in fact ask for the host to make something different for them.    

@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home. I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December. A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner. I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count. At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal." Is it wrong that I'm angry about this? I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving? I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins. Accept it as it is, or make other plans." Can you believe the nerve of some people?

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Thanks @JeanLouiseFinch I appreciate your post.  

IMO, even asking a host to go out and shop extra, then prepare other options just for them, is out of line. We're not talking about personal friends that would already know a person is a pain in the area to invite.

[TenderMercies]

As I stated in an earlier post, I see absolutely nothing wrong with people having dietary needs or restrictions, and I have no doubt that the hostess, once all the RSVPs are collected, will inquire about these dietary issues.  The point is that when human beings received an email that included this exact phrase...:

"Long time board member, (name), has graciously invited our visiting company members to share Thanksgiving dinner with her and her family in their home."  

...at least two of the exact responses were:

"I'd like to request a fish or vegetarian meal." and

"I'm gluten free, so I'll need options."

It's not about the hostess or me being insensitive to food restrictions.  It's about the fact that grown up human beings wrote those kind of responses to that kind of invitation.  We can talk forever about the dangers of gluten and how grace is important in a hostess, but the bottom line is that my OP was about the lack of grace in the guests.