Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

 JUST MY TAKE ON THIS:

If you invite a bunch of strangers to a free meal.....you had better be prepared to offer many different foods....or do not invite them.

If you are just offering the typical Thankgiving ****** food that is heart clogging and full of empty carbs and sugar....then put that menu  in the invitation.  Do not blame the guests for not wanting food that is unhealthy and that they would not eat. 

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This is literally a bunch of strangers, from out of town. The  host either doesn’t know, or barely knows, those he invited as a gesture of kindness. It’s not a business-connected meal in a restaurant dining room.  And it’s not the hosts children or grandchildren

I totally disagree that, manners-wise, a stranger offering you a meal on a holiday in their home “owes” all of those invited the exact meal of their choice. 

There is no reason to “announce” a traditional holiday menu where 99% of the invitees would be well aware what to expect; neither is there any reason to apologize for what’s being served, or feel shamed by it.

Anyone who has dietary likes, dislikes or just plain wants that strongly, or allergies (which as far as we know, none of these people actually have) should be declining the invitation, period, if they feel the menu must be catered to them.

Ridiculous.

[goldensrbest]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

 JUST MY TAKE ON THIS:

If you invite a bunch of strangers to a free meal.....you had better be prepared to offer many different foods....or do not invite them.

If you are just offering the typical Thankgiving ****** food that is heart clogging and full of empty carbs and sugar....then put that menu  in the invitation.  Do not blame the guests for not wanting food that is unhealthy and that they would not eat. 

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This is literally a bunch of strangers, from out of town. The  host either doesn’t know, or barely knows, those he invited as a gesture of kindness. It’s not a business-connected meal in a restaurant dining room.  And it’s not the hosts children or grandchildren

I totally disagree that, manners-wise, a stranger offering you a meal on a holiday in their home “owes” all of those invited the exact meal of their choice. 

There is no reason to “announce” a traditional holiday menu where 99% of the invitees would be well aware what to expect; neither is there any reason to apologize for what’s being served, or feel shamed by it.

Anyone who has dietary likes, dislikes or just plain wants that strongly, or allergies (which as far as we know, none of these people actually have) should be declining the invitation, period, if they feel the menu must be catered to them.

Ridiculous.

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@Moonchilde,I'm in total agreement with you.

[stevieb]

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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Then perhaps one needs to make their own special arrangements and graciously decline the invitation... I guess my take is that Inviting someone to dinner doesn't mean you offer options to accommodate every conceivable need or preference... nor does it mean guests should expect to be treated as though they're ordering at a restaurant...

[KathyPet]

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@goldensrbest wrote:

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

 JUST MY TAKE ON THIS:

If you invite a bunch of strangers to a free meal.....you had better be prepared to offer many different foods....or do not invite them.

If you are just offering the typical Thankgiving ****** food that is heart clogging and full of empty carbs and sugar....then put that menu  in the invitation.  Do not blame the guests for not wanting food that is unhealthy and that they would not eat. 

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This is literally a bunch of strangers, from out of town. The  host either doesn’t know, or barely knows, those he invited as a gesture of kindness. It’s not a business-connected meal in a restaurant dining room.  And it’s not the hosts children or grandchildren

I totally disagree that, manners-wise, a stranger offering you a meal on a holiday in their home “owes” all of those invited the exact meal of their choice. 

There is no reason to “announce” a traditional holiday menu where 99% of the invitees would be well aware what to expect; neither is there any reason to apologize for what’s being served, or feel shamed by it.

Anyone who has dietary likes, dislikes or just plain wants that strongly, or allergies (which as far as we know, none of these people actually have) should be declining the invitation, period, if they feel the menu must be catered to them.

Ridiculous.

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@Moonchilde,I'm in total agreement with you.

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ITA.  This person is extending this invitation as a kindness. They are not a short order cook and this is not a restaurant.  Take it as is or say you would love to come but will bring a alternative food choice so you can enjoy the company,or decline.  To expect the host to cater to your requirements is simply beyond rude and is totally self-centered.  If the invitees find the food selection to be so awful that they will not eat it they are free to decline the invitation with no further comment.

[Stormygirl]

Hi fellow posters! Read the entire thread to make sure I get the tone ...hehe. I can only tell you as a person who once as a homeless orphan ate out of garbage cans......seems the spirit of "thanks" has taken a turn...am thinking most now live in the world of "plenty" here. Am constantly reminded I am at risk for reliving that experience now that I am disabled so it keeps me in perspective.

If someone cares to invite me I will surely come if able. I will thank you 100 times until you tell me "enough already" I do not care if your tradition is pesco, turkey, vegan....whatever I will be thankful if you invited me.....I will come.  I may ask if your home will accomodate my wheelchair...thats it. Most who have invited me will respond by saying they will have someone carry or drag me up the steps  if needed but please come. I will.LOL

I have vegan friends and if they invite me I will not make them cook me a turkey (some would gag) lest I threaten to eat their dog (juz kidding bout the dog LOL) I will go and enjoy the company. I know I dont look like I have missed a meal in at least 5 years hehe

Remember the spirit of the holiday and have a good one. There are many of us who do NOT live in the land of "plenty" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Stormy

[sfnative]

@TenderMercies

It was a very nicce gesture to invite these employees over for a Thanksgiving dinner.

That said, if the 2 replies you referenced are verbatim, then they really could have been "cleaned up" prior to being sent as part of the RSVP.

On the other hand, in this ever evolving world of ours, the culture of food has changed big time and we need to keep up with it.  I learned 3 years ago that I have gluten, soy and dairy antigens, so must make every effort not to ingest foods with these products in them.  They actually make my large intentine ill and cause bad D.

And, one has to admit there are millions of vegetarians and vegans in our food culture as well.  Vegetarians will often indicate that they will take a fish entre as an option.

What I'm trying to say, and this is based on my experience as an event coordinator outside of the scope of my profession, is that when planning any group gathering, it's always a smart thing to allow an opening for prospective guests to provide feedback regarding prohibitions in their personal food plans.  One thing many folks don't know is that an allergy or intolerance to dairy products is quite common amongst Asians.  Because I know this, I always keep dairy absent from meals being served to groups when I know a certain portion of the population will be Asian.

As a hostess or an aid to the hostess, be positive about the entire experience, the goal of which is to provide the best possible Thanksgiving dinner possible.  If the guests are met with attitude up front, that rather defeats the goal of "Thanks"-giving.

[TenderMercies]

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@sfnative wrote:

@TenderMercies

It was a very nicce gesture to invite these employees over for a Thanksgiving dinner.

That said, if the 2 replies you referenced are verbatim, then they really could have been "cleaned up" prior to being sent as part of the RSVP.

On the other hand, in this ever evolving world of ours, the culture of food has changed big time and we need to keep up with it.  I learned 3 years ago that I have gluten, soy and dairy antigens, so must make every effort not to ingest foods with these products in them.  They actually make my large intentine ill and cause bad D.

And, one has to admit there are millions of vegetarians and vegans in our food culture as well.  Vegetarians will often indicate that they will take a fish entre as an option.

What I'm trying to say, and this is based on my experience as an event coordinator outside of the scope of my profession, is that when planning any group gathering, it's always a smart thing to allow an opening for prospective guests to provide feedback regarding prohibitions in their personal food plans.  One thing many folks don't know is that an allergy or intolerance to dairy products is quite common amongst Asians.  Because I know this, I always keep dairy absent from meals being served to groups when I know a certain portion of the population will be Asian.

As a hostess or an aid to the hostess, be positive about the entire experience, the goal of which is to provide the best possible Thanksgiving dinner possible.  If the guests are met with attitude up front, that rather defeats the goal of "Thanks"-giving.

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@sfnative I have no doubt the hostess will inquire about dietary needs, and I will happily tell her there are two vegetarians and a gluten-free individual.  I don’t think there’s any issue here with the hostess here.  The issue is that these employees could have finessed their RSVPs and simply said something like “If she inquires about dietary needs, please remember I don’t eat gluten” rather than “Im gluten-free, so I’ll need options.”  This thread was not intended to be about how to be a conscientious hostess, it was about how some have forgotten how to be a conscientious guest.

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

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@stevieb wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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Then perhaps one needs to make their own special arrangements and graciously decline the invitation... I guess my take is that Inviting someone to dinner doesn't mean you offer options to accommodate every conceivable need or preference... nor does it mean guests should expect to be treated as though they're ordering at a restaurant...

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Did you read ALL of my posts? Since we are only getting one side and tidbits along the way I suggest reading all that I have said because the narrative changes as new info from the OP  is included. Thanks!

Edited to add for myself personally if someone invites me I go without asking about what is served. I have learned since I don't eat certain foods for religious reasons to eat whatever is available that I am allowed to eat. That said my posts were trying to garner info to understand. Everyone is different. 

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

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@TenderMercies wrote:

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@sfnative wrote:

@TenderMercies

It was a very nicce gesture to invite these employees over for a Thanksgiving dinner.

That said, if the 2 replies you referenced are verbatim, then they really could have been "cleaned up" prior to being sent as part of the RSVP.

On the other hand, in this ever evolving world of ours, the culture of food has changed big time and we need to keep up with it.  I learned 3 years ago that I have gluten, soy and dairy antigens, so must make every effort not to ingest foods with these products in them.  They actually make my large intentine ill and cause bad D.

And, one has to admit there are millions of vegetarians and vegans in our food culture as well.  Vegetarians will often indicate that they will take a fish entre as an option.

What I'm trying to say, and this is based on my experience as an event coordinator outside of the scope of my profession, is that when planning any group gathering, it's always a smart thing to allow an opening for prospective guests to provide feedback regarding prohibitions in their personal food plans.  One thing many folks don't know is that an allergy or intolerance to dairy products is quite common amongst Asians.  Because I know this, I always keep dairy absent from meals being served to groups when I know a certain portion of the population will be Asian.

As a hostess or an aid to the hostess, be positive about the entire experience, the goal of which is to provide the best possible Thanksgiving dinner possible.  If the guests are met with attitude up front, that rather defeats the goal of "Thanks"-giving.

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@sfnative I have no doubt the hostess will inquire about dietary needs, and I will happily tell her there are two vegetarians and a gluten-free individual.  I don’t think there’s any issue here with the hostess here.  The issue is that these employees could have finessed their RSVPs and simply said something like “If she inquires about dietary needs, please remember I don’t eat gluten” rather than “Im gluten-free, so I’ll need options.”  This thread was not intended to be about how to be a conscientious hostess, it was about how some have forgotten how to be a conscientious guest.

Considering we are getting a one sided version we don't know how the invited employees responded. This could be that the OP felt overwhelmed because the Hostess in question did not make mention of asking about any restrictions. So it fell on the OP. Maybe the Host/Hostess is OK with adding certain meals or accommodating etc. They may have been caught up in the spirit of sharing and simply forgot. I think the OP should address with her boss and let her boss approach it with the host/hostess. JMO.

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[Lipstickdiva]

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@faeriemoon wrote:

I will never understand people who feel entitled to favors.  If the options don't work for you, don't attend, or work around them.  There will be SOMETHING on the menu you can eat.  If not, come by, enjoy the company, then eat when you get home.  I would NEVER ask anyone to go out of their way for me.

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Exactly.  There are always other options for these out of towners.  They can make reservations at a restaurant if that's what they'd rather do. 

I work with a woman who used to attend a family member's Thanksgiving day meal with her husband and 2 kids.  Then more and more people she didn't know began attending this meal.  Then the menu changed significantly to be only vegan dishes or healthier dishes.  She realized she was spending a holiday with a bunch of people she didn't know, eating food she didn't want.  

A few years ago, she declined her SIL's invitation and told her she was just going to make dinner for her immediate family. She wanted to have the foods they wanted to have, cooked the way they wanted them cooked.  She wasn't interested in quionoi (sp?) stuffing.  LOL  So that's what she does.  Easy peasy.