Community Chat

[TenderMercies]

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

[pommom]

I would simply let them know that the board member has not made any special concessions.  Period.  Take it or leave it.

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

[CelticCrafter]

I think I would have told them there will be lots of veggies and usually they are gluten free.

[LoveMyBaby]

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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👍🏼Total agreement. 

[Nightowlz]

ITA. DH always goes thru the same thing with the guys at work every time they plan a dinner.

The boss just paid for dinner for Veteran's Day. Word got out & they all starting complaining about what & where DH was going to pick up food. DH told them that's why I was not going to say anything because I'm tired of all the arguing about what & where to get what when we try to plan a dinner. They all liked what he bought except the guy that does not eat meat. 

You can't please everyone & you can't be expected to make different meals for the those that don't eat a Traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

I would never reply back to an invitation like that. I would say something like I would like to come but I'm vegan or vegetarian is it ok if I bring my meal to eat.

I would reply back to those that have already replied plus those that have not to let them know it's a traditional dinner if that's how the board member wants you to handle it. That's a lot of work on it's own much less trying to cater to others.

[summerwind]

Agreed. My son is vegan, and never expects anyone to make concessions for him. We love him, and I have made adjustments where possible, but we still have meat etc. at family meals, and he brings something for himself, also.

Last year, I made a vegan pumpkin pie, and probably will again this year. It was actually pretty good.  Looking for a vegan corn pudding/casserole recipe this year, might be a bit of a challenge.

[SahmIam]

"No good deed goes unpunished".

Truer words have never been spoken. One, be thankful that people are even sending an RSVP; most don't. They just show up and there ya go. *side eye*

In this situation, here is what I would do; in fact, I HAVE and DO do this:

"So glad you are going to be able to attend! SInce you have specific dietary needs, I would like you to bring a dish that you can enjoy and also share with everyone else, that way, I KNOW you'll enjoy the meal along with everyone else. " : )

Two things happen: 1) They don't show up or 2) They show up with a dish or two and it's a great success.

IMHO, if they don't show up, it's no great loss because, well, you can figure it out. I think those that pull this stunt (informing their hosts of what they will and will not eat without offering to bring something) is rude. Yep, I do. I would NEVER expect someone to cater to MY dietary needs.

Please.

[TenderMercies]

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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@AngusandBuddhasMom If you are a pescatarian or vegetarian, then you can eat stuffing, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  If you are gluten free, you can eat turkey, mashed potatoes, salad, vegetables, etc.  I am not asking a board member to make special meals for these people when there will already be plenty of options.

[Moonchilde]

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

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@TenderMercies wrote:

I work for an organization that employs a lot of people who come to my city to do their job for short periods of time, then move on to other cities or return home.  I currently have a dozen employees who are in town through the beginning of December.  A long time member of my board of directors has invited these employees to her home for Thanksgiving dinner.  I sent an email out to these employees to let them know about the invitation and to RSVP, so I can do a head count.  At least 3 of these people responded saying things like, "I'm gluten free, so I'll need options" and "I'd like to request either a fish or vegetarian meal."  Is it wrong that I'm angry about this?  I can understand these requests if this were a working dinner on any normal day, but a dinner hosted by a board member on Thanksgiving?  I don't want to be rude to them, but I feel like saying "It's Thanksgiving dinner, folks. You get turkey and the usual fixins.  Accept it as it is, or make other plans."  Can you believe the nerve of some people?    

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Does the board member who is extending the invite know you have a problem with the responses you are getting? Maybe she is OK with knowing about the requests.

If you have a serious food allergy like Celiac or you are a vegan or pescatarian then the "usual thanksgiving" choices are not the same as you seem to think they are. 

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I think the point is, on Turkey Day it’s turkey on the menu, and come or don’t come, no catering to every diet/lifestyle choice when you’re being invited to someone’s home you don’t even/barely know, as an unnecessary courtesy the host is extending. 

There are allergies that have become trendy to have, and vegan or whatever is a choice. Everyone doesn’t need to honor every choice every individual thinks they need to make. Throw out ultimatums and sit in a hotel bar on Thursday.