Thanksgiving Question - Page 3

JenJenMO1971 · ‎11-07-2020

Thank you everyone for your input. It is hard because while I need to start my own traditions, I also don't want to be rude or ungrateful to other people, if that makes sense.

My friend gets her feelings hurt easily if she offers to have me over and I decline. I know I need to make the holidays mine and I will do that. She just makes me feel guilty when i say no.

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

For years I hosted Christmas Eve and set aside some of the traditions I would have liked to create just for my family. My siblings expected to come but yet never invited me to any of their holidays. Taking turns might have been nice too.

About 4 years ago my husband had gone through surgery and chemo and so we did not host but just for our own kids. We had a wonderful time and low key for a change.

We hosted for my husbands side the next couple years after that. They came during the day and left before dark and then we had the kids stick around until later.

I see and talk to my siblings all the time. I am glad I finally have managed to get away from hosting. I'm not a big fan of doing it and stresses me out.

I have had many wonderful Christmases and some not so much but I did my time. My daughter does Thanksgiving now and loves doing it. She is a natural at it. Just like her dad. So nice to go someplace for a holiday too. I always encouraged her to make her own memories and do what brings her joy.

It's not much fun getting stuck with all the work and then its over just like that.

nana59 · ‎05-12-2012

@JenJenMO1971 wrote:
Thank you everyone for your input. It is hard because while I need to start my own traditions, I also don't want to be rude or ungrateful to other people, if that makes sense.

My friend gets her feelings hurt easily if she offers to have me over and I decline. I know I need to make the holidays mine and I will do that. She just makes me feel guilty when i say no.

if she's a good friend.....she should realize it's about YOUR feelings....not HERS......

Mindy D · ‎05-23-2010

@JenJenMO1971 @Just tell your friend what you told us.

kitty60 · ‎03-13-2010

Do your own thing!

Iwantcoffee · ‎03-11-2010

@nana59 wrote:
@JenJenMO1971 wrote:
Thank you everyone for your input. It is hard because while I need to start my own traditions, I also don't want to be rude or ungrateful to other people, if that makes sense.

My friend gets her feelings hurt easily if she offers to have me over and I decline. I know I need to make the holidays mine and I will do that. She just makes me feel guilty when i say no.

if she's a good friend.....she should realize it's about YOUR feelings....not HERS......

If you are a good friend you will be concerned about her. Friendship is about both people, not just you.Disregarding the feeling of others is indeed selfish.

Foxxee · ‎10-03-2014

@JenJenMO1971

Welcome!

You do know you are allowing your friend to make you feel guilty?

If she doesn't understand without taking it personally and throwing guilt, then, is she such a good friend?

Good friends allow us to be ourselves, give us space, and support us.

I agree, I wouldn't want to spend holidays with families that aren't mine. It's just not the same.

I also wouldn't recommend you family hop during this time.

1Snickers · ‎03-19-2016

@JenJenMO1971 I agree with others that say due to COVID 19 it isn't good to be with groups of people that you don't live with.
Due to that I'll have a TV turkey dinner and miss dinner with my son and family. I'm only near them with masks for no more than 15 minutes & social distancing.
Please help keep others well!

Silver Fox1 · ‎08-14-2015

@JenJenMO1971 Why don't you tell your friend exactly what you told us and don't leave a thing out. I found it so moving and I'm sure she will also and I am sure she will understand completely. I know after I read it I understood just were your coming from. I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

@Mellyg wrote:
I'm an only child and have 1 living parent. I have a dear friend (also an only child) who has lost both parents. I have her over for all holidays (we've been friends since kids, so she is part of my chaotic extended family). I tend to assume she will come every year, but that's because I have an "open door" policy for people to feel comfortable to come and go on the holidays (to eliminate the "pressure" of having to make the rounds). If she didn't come, I would completely understand.
I don't want anyone to be alone on a holiday; unless they want to be alone (and that's perfectly fine if you want to start a tradition that suits you). The holidays are about wanting happiness for your loved ones, so as long as you are happy, I'm sure your friend will understand.

It sounds as though you have a thoughtful friend. I'm sure she will understand and appreciate your honesty.

Perfect post! @JenJenMO1971 - I don't think you're being selfish at all. And I think it's important to start your own traditions.

Years ago my husband and I tried to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with both families- 9 hours apart. It didn't work and I was exhausted. The new tradition I started was staying home Christmas Day and having lasagna I baked the night before! (Traditions can change, and we do still stay home, but now I make a small "Thanksgiving" dinner! We are always with my husband's family for Thanksgiving dinner- but not this year - so I make our turkey for Christmas!).

Also many years ago I was alone for Thanksgiving. My friends all invited me over too. First, I didn't want to choose, and second, I wouldn't have gone anywhere without taking a dish and I didn't want to make anything. So I stayed home and continued my mom's tradition of starting to decorate my home. I was VERY happy doing what "I" wanted!

I will echo what others here have said: Be careful going around to different houses with the virus out there. Dr. Fauci has advised against it.

Also --- I'll add my "Welcome to the Forums" to everyone else's!