Thanksgiving Question

JenJenMO1971 · ‎11-07-2020

I am single and both of my parents have now passed away so I am now alone for the holidays.

One of my friends invited me for Thanksgiving this year, which is super nice and I am grateful for her offer but she thinks I owe it to her to go to her house for every holiday now that my family is gone. I, however, think it's important for me to start my own holiday traditions that I can build memories on.

Last year, she gracciously invited me for Christmas, which I accepted. The whole time I was there, even though her family was lovely to me, being around someone else's family just made me miss my famiy so much. I realized then and there that starting this year, I needed to start my own holiday traditions.

I am blessed to have many friends reach out and offer me to spend the holidays with them and I've been trying to think of a way to see all of them, in the middle of Covid of course.

I am considering dropping by each of their houses for an hour or so on Thanksgiving, including my friend, so I can see everybody and then going home to enjoy my own home-cooked dinner for Thanksgiving night.

Am I selfish for starting my own traditions and doing things this way? My friend gets her feelings hurt if things aren't done her way. She's sees it as me rejecting her, which is not the case at all.

Is it selfish to start your own traditions when it comes to the holidays?

I would love feedback. Thanks!

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Definitely start your own traditions.

rockygems123 · ‎06-04-2012

@JenJenMO1971 wrote:
I am single and both of my parents have now passed away so I am now alone for the holidays.

One of my friends invited me for Thanksgiving this year, which is super nice and I am grateful for her offer but she thinks I owe it to her to go to her house for every holiday now that my family is gone. I, however, think it's important for me to start my own holiday traditions that I can build memories on.

Last year, she gracciously invited me for Christmas, which I accepted. The whole time I was there, even though her family was lovely to me, being around someone else's family just made me miss my famiy so much. I realized then and there that starting this year, I needed to start my own holiday traditions.

I am blessed to have many friends reach out and offer me to spend the holidays with them and I've been trying to think of a way to see all of them, in the middle of Covid of course.

I am considering dropping by each of their houses for an hour or so on Thanksgiving, including my friend, so I can see everybody and then going home to enjoy my own home-cooked dinner for Thanksgiving night.

Am I selfish for starting my own traditions and doing things this way? My friend gets her feelings hurt if things aren't done her way. She's sees it as me rejecting her, which is not the case at all.

Is it selfish to start your own traditions when it comes to the holidays?

I would love feedback. Thanks!

@JenJenMO1971 I don't think you're selfish at all to want to start your own holiday traditions, I think it's really healthy! And this may be the year to try out some variations of how you view your own traditions especially with covid. May be wise to limit your drop ins with your various friends and keep your visits to a minimum. This out of any years I think your friends will understand.

Leggett28 · ‎12-17-2011

@JenJenMO1971 Welcome. I think you should do whatever makes you happy 😊

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

Nope, not at all. You call the shots in your life now.

PreKteacher · ‎03-17-2018

Of course it's not selfish to want to start your own traditions! This might not be the best year to go visit a lot of friends in their homes, though.

If being around other families just makes you miss your own more, why not be honest and tell your friend? You could just say, "I really appreciate the lovely offer to spend the holiday with you, but it's emotionally difficult for me, and I would prefer to spend time with you when it's not a holiday."

I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving, no matter what you decide to do!

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

I feel the same way. And if this year had been like any other, I would have done like you were planning and just stopped in for a quick visit with my friends and their families.

But this year I'll be staying home, for obvious reasons. This is the perfect time if you feel you need to have "an excuse" to not be with your friends during the holidays.

Flyer98 · ‎09-22-2019

I hope you realize how lucky you are to have so many friends that want to share the holiday with you. Of course, the fact that you are concerned for others' feelings is probably why you have so many friends that want you around.

You certainly do have the right to make your own traditions and I think it would be sufficient to tell people that you are deciding on your new normal. After years of working and help raise granchildren, I found myself lonely and restless. I have a spouse, family, friends but I needed something else. I started taking a class and went back to work part-time. People who look for a new normal and are adaptible are IMO the happiest people.

With COVID, I don't think it would be a good idea to dinner hop. That could be dangerous for you and all the people you are visiting. Maybe you could find a small gathering that you feel would be safe. This is my opinion. Good luck and I hope the holiday season is lovely for you.

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

Boundaries. Your friend should not get to decide how YOU spend the holidays. Or any other days.

Mellyg · ‎03-16-2020

I'm an only child and have 1 living parent. I have a dear friend (also an only child) who has lost both parents. I have her over for all holidays (we've been friends since kids, so she is part of my chaotic extended family). I tend to assume she will come every year, but that's because I have an "open door" policy for people to feel comfortable to come and go on the holidays (to eliminate the "pressure" of having to make the rounds). If she didn't come, I would completely understand.

I don't want anyone to be alone on a holiday; unless they want to be alone (and that's perfectly fine if you want to start a tradition that suits you). The holidays are about wanting happiness for your loved ones, so as long as you are happy, I'm sure your friend will understand.

It sounds as though you have a thoughtful friend. I'm sure she will understand and appreciate your honesty.