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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,629
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

1.   Dear God questions from third graders:

     *Dear God:  How come you didn't invent any new animals                            lately?  We still have just all the old ones.

      *Dear God: Is reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do                                 you know him through business?

      *Dear God:  Who draws the lines around all the                                         countries?

       *Dear God: How did you know you were God?

       *Dear God: I bet it's very hard for you to love all of

                           everybody in the whole world.  There are

                           only four people in our family, and I can

                           never do it.

        *Dear God: I think the stapler is one of your greatest

                            inventions.

 

2.   Times I've Seen my husband cry:

       1)  Our wedding.

       2)  The birth of our four children.

       3)   The time I mowed the grass too short.

 

3.   I Walked Into our living room and found our expensive

decorative sofa pillow in shreds.  I asked my teenage

daughter whether she knew which of our three dogs was

responsible.  "It was Cotton," she said.  "How do you know?"

"I watched him." she replied.

 

4.   Sad after the funeral of a friend, my wife and I ducked

into a Chinese restaurant for a little Szechuan pick-me-up.

The feel good session ended abruptly when I read the fortune in my cookie:  "You will soon be united with a good friend.

 

5.   Daughter (via text):  Mom, where are you??

      Mom:  Leaving Walmart.  Halfway home.  Why, sweetie?

      Daughter:  You brought me to Walmart with you...

      Mom:   OH DARN!  Be there in a bit!

 

6.   My Aunt was in the hospital for hip replacement surgery and not happy about having to wear the hospital garb she'd been given.  So when she was being wheeled into surgery, my mother ran out and bought her a nice robe to wear instead.  Rather than being thankful, my aunt was appalled.  "You left

the hospital while I was in surgery?" she asked.  "What would you have done if I had died?"  "I'd have returned the robe," answered Mom.

 

7.   My teen aged son and I were discussing dating and relationships.  To impress upon him that I had valuable

experience to share, I commented, "You know, I've been around the barn a few times."  "Yeah, Mom," he said, unimpressed, "but always on the same horse."

 

8.   It really doesn't feel like September until Macy's puts

their Christmas decorations up.

 

           Why don't toasters have a window so you 

                can see how toasted your bread is?

                  

                                              Reader's Digest

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,326
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

@Lindsays Grandma are you up and running again?

My fav is #7.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,629
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@IMW wrote:

@Lindsays Grandma are you up and running again?

My fav is #7.


@IMW ...Yes, I am.  Computer seems to be fine tonight but I'm still going to buy a new one.  This one has been around for a long time, due for a replacement.  There are so many things I want to post but I am limited as to how  many I can submit at one time.  Seems like some Nay Sayers complained and I am not allowed to break them down in part one and part two.  When dealing with so many different personalities we are bound to have some trouble makers.  Woman Wink

 

 

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Super Contributor
Posts: 321
Registered: ‎09-18-2019

@Lindsays Grandma 

 

Glad to see your computer working fine.. hopefully it'll be ok till you get a new one.. I like #4 & #5.. have a great day!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,415
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

🤣🤣🤣🙏❤️☕️ Glad to see your posts back @Lindsays Grandma 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,326
Registered: ‎06-15-2014

@Lindsays Grandma There will always be naysayers,

or as I call them miseries.Our job is to ignore them.

They're so busy looking at what everyone does their

lives must be very empty.

 

You keep truckin, and hold your head up high.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,317
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

@Lindsays Grandma 

Thanks for posting. 

 

They’re all funny. The last one about the toaster made me chuckle.