Community Chat

[Lindsays Grandma]

1.   to little Johnny;  "When your father sees this report card, his hair will turn gray."  Johnny shrugs;  "Nice!  That will make him very happy, he's been bald for years."

2.   Goodness, is that the smoke alarm beeping like that?  No, my kitchen is trying to park backwards.

3.   Police;  "Do you know why we stopped you?"

      Man:  "No, I'm as baffled as you are."

4.   A guest calls the waiter:  Please try my soup.

Waiter:  What is the problem?  Too Salty?

Guest:  No, just try my soup.

Waiter:  What is it then, is it too cold?

Guest: No, please try my soup.

Waiter:  Is it too hot?

Guest:  No, it isn't.  Can you just try my soup already?

Waiter:  But there's no spoon.

Guest:  FINALLY!!!!

5.   I quite like the hurricane season.  I can just put anything I don't need out on the balcony.

6.   Theory of relativity explained:  The relative length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are.

7.   In the car repair shop:  Customer;  "Can you save my car?"  Repairman;  "I believe we can, by screwing a new car in between the license plates."

8.   "OMG, what happened to his face."  It's all swollen."  "He ate chocolate."  "Is he allergic?"  "No, but he ate MY chocolate."

9.   One prison guard said to the other,  "Have you heard that prisoner 23 broke out yesterday?"  The other guard replied, "Thank goodness, finally the hammering racket stops."

10.   A key chain is a device which enables you to lose all keys at once.

11.   The worst thing about parallel parking are the eye witnesses.

12.   Next time you get a call from an unknown caller, pick it up and say;  "It's done, but there is blood everywhere, and hang up."

13.   I'm not stressed.  I just have times when it's not the best moment to hand me a chain saw.

14.   A man picks up his mother-in-law from the train station.  As they drive off, he asks her, "And how long are you going to stay?"  She replies, "As long as you want me to."  "What, asks the man, so short?"

15.   The Internet never forgets.  The Internet must be female.    

[DbinMD]

Thanks for this mornings laugh. With all the doom and gloom it is much needed!

[Lindsays Grandma]

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@DbinMD wrote:

Thanks for this mornings laugh. With all the doom and gloom it is much needed!

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@DbinMD ...That's the reason why I decided to put this together, we needed something light.  Glad you enjoyed it.