Surprised by a request I received Sorry, long - Page 3

LuvSoCal · ‎07-18-2010

If it would be an inconvenience for you to attend then don't. If I were you I would send a condolence card. He was a big part of your life at one time so I think you should acknowledge his passing in one way or another.

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@Porcelain Nope. Saying "I'll try to make it" does NOT create an obligation.

She does need to tell the daughter she can't make it but does NOT owe the woman any reason or excuse.

I don't know why you think "I'll try"creates an obligation.

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@Porcelain Nope. Saying "I'll try to make it" does NOT create an obligation.

She does need to tell the daughter she can't make it but does NOT owe the woman any reason or excuse.

I don't know why you think "I'll try"creates an obligation.

Not sure if this is an actual question or an attempt at argument or debate. I'll treat it as a sincere question.

I try to be a woman of my word. So I don't tell people I'll try to do something and then not actually try to do it. It's just my way. I'm also stingy with giving my word to people because I don't like going back on what I say I'll do.

If you want to know where the idea comes from, it's included in many sacred texts, but it's also from the classic book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I hope that helps explain why I wrote that response.

Four Agreements

She asked for opinions and that is mine. You don't have to agree with me.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

I think she was thoughtful and I'd try to attend.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I would go. I have often regretted not accepting invitations that I had declined, but not the ones I've accepted, even when they have been a disappointment. What do you have to lose?

new nickname 4 · ‎05-21-2018

@cookinfreak , If it is not a great distance, I would,

it might be that the daughter held you in high regard, maybe even her father talked about you and also talked highly of you. She is remembering the past.

Obviously you don't need to go, but I wouldn't feel wierd. She asked you out of past friendship. JMHO

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

@cookinfreak wrote:
Hi everyone
This got longer than I planned. When I got divorced many years ago, I started dating someone who I was kind of familiar with and I think It was a situation that we were comfortable with each other and neither one one of us wanted to get married again or if ever so it worked well for us. He had 2 teenage kids 1F, 1M.

They weren't overly friendly to me, but they weren't obnoxious. I know it was a lot to do with the situation. Didn't really bother me since I knew it wouldn't get serious. We were each others transition person. We dated a few years and then it got to be off & on for a few years, and then we split for good. I had not talked with him for several years now and it has been many, many years since I saw his kids. He had moved down to Atlanta area where his children are now, but I'm not sure how long he lived there.

Sadly, he passed last month from cancer and a brain tumor. I only found out because his daughter posted it on facebook. Then I received a notice from her asking if I would come to the visitation. I was very surprised. (His funeral is not for 3 weeks. Don't know why it isn't being held until then.)

I had not planned on going to visitation or funeral since I had not seen him for so long.
I did tell her I would try to make it.
If it were you, would you go? Would you feel weird?

Thanks for listening
cookin

@cookinfreak

I have no idea where Atlanta might be in relation to where you reside. My idea and primary reason to attend wakes or funerals! It is not for the one that died, but for those loved ones that are left behind grieving.

Many of my friends parents died, and most of them I did not know at all. If my work and other schedules didn't conflict, I would go to the wake/visit the mortuary, or attend the funeral.

These occasions were more out of my compassion for my friends, because I understand from my own death experience, how much seeing my friends take time to acknowledge my loss.

I never forgot those that did so at the most sad experience in my very long life.

Only you can decide. Everyone is different and think differently about death than I.

hckynut 🇺🇸

hckynut(john)

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

If you're close it proximity, go. If it's out of your area, no.

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

I would probably go if I lived close by (I know "close by" is relative in Atlanta) and pay my respects especially since you were invited and she thought enough of you to include you. You don't have to stay long.