Community Chat

[Anonymous032819]

Yes, I know that this could be in the TC & Movies forum, but I thought that it would get more discussion here.

This is the episode that guest stars the late David Ogden Stiers, who is of a society where when one reaches a certain age,  (60) they kill themselves, in order to spare their adult offspring from having to take care of them, when they are old and frail and in poor health.

In essence, they don't want to be a burden to their children.

Lwaxana Troi argues what if, as an elder, there are no health issues?

This episode provides compelling arguments for both sides of the issue.

I can see both sides.

For example, if my dad had known that he was going to be afflicted with the same disease that his own father had, he would have insisted  I place him in a home, so that he wouldn't be a burden to me.

He knew first hand what that was like, as he had to take care of his own father, until he was placed in a home, and my dad didn't want that for me.

Yet, there are many who live to be 100+ with no health problems.

They are fine both mentally and physically.

There are no guarantees that we will live to be 100 with no ill health.

Maybe we will have good health, and live to a ripe old age, or maybe we'll live to an old age with lots of health problems, and become dependant on others to take care of us.

Is that fair to us?

Is that fair to those who take care of us?

Do we have the "right" (for lack of a better word) to expect them to give up a part of their life to take care of us?

This is a favorite episode of mine, that promotes discussions on a sensitive topic.

Anyway, this is one episode that really makes me think long after the credits have rolled.

[KaySD]

I agree it's an important and highly personal question--one with no simple answers, and certainly with no universal answers. 

I imagine most people would say they hope to be able to make their own choice and not be subject to anyone else's. 

There's a huge difference between thinking about something that might happen, and actually facing it as an immediate experience. So, we may think we will feel one way, but in the moment, something else emerges. I observe from my own experience that how I think and feel about my own choices continues to change and evolve over the years. 

I don't know anyone who likes the notion of "being a burden" on their families. Still, it's worth considering that we have no control over how our families feel--they may or may not find it a burden, even if it's difficult. For some, this final life stage is a time of profound personal growth, and that value outweighs the effort involved. The point is, it's not safe to make any assumotions about our own families, let alone anyone else's situation. 

I personally like the idea of being able to look at and talk about this kind of thing--not often, but every now and then--without anxiety and without judgment.

A time to live and a time to leave...

[chrystaltree]

It depends on the person and the family.  We followed the lead of both sets of parents who would never in a million years have put that burden on any of their children, so they prepared to take care of themselves when the time came.  My inlaws are in their early 80's now but they are financially stable and chose to move to ME when my fil retire 20 years ago because the cost of living is cheaper there.  They built a home that allowed for upgrades should they develop mobility issues.  My husband's sister and her adult children live near by and they can afford a housekeeper who cleans and runs errands.  It didn't come easily, they lived frugally and my mil had a part time job which she went right into their savings for the future.  My parents also saved for "our old age" as my mom said.  My mom didn't work but my dad made worked 2 jobs.  They know what could happen as they aged and they saved and planned for it.  My dad had cancer the last years of his life, my mom had cardiomyopathy but neither required nursing home care and they had the finances to pay for the things Medicare didn't pay for.  I think we are required legally and morally to care for our children and many of us choose to pay for weddings and help them buy homes but our kids are not required to take care of us later in life.  I don't think it's fair to pressure them into doing something they don't want to do or that will make their lives harder.