Community Chat

[Mersha]

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@spumoni99 wrote:

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@occasionalrain wrote:

If my husband had discarded or distroyed something I treasured, I would do the same to whatever he treasured, no matter its value, twice over. Revenge is sweet.

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Wow what an unhealthy way to conduct a marriage!

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It is an unhealthy way to conduct your life.

Seeking revenge on someone "twice over" because they inadvertently tossed something of yours is frightening.

It is unfortunate it happened but I would view it as an accident as it was not done with malicious intent.

It is dangerous territory to consider revenge "sweet."

[MorningMango]

A coffee table!

[occasionalrain]

It's disrespectful to discard another's property without asking first.

No decent person takes what doesn't belong to them.

It's no accident unless the person believes it's theirs. That is not the case in either the candle nor the t-shirt.

[tends2dogs]

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@I am still oxox wrote:

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@monicakm wrote:

@I am still oxox 

But hopefully you didn't mean it when you said you haven't forgiven him...right?

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@monicakm I am still angry with him about taking something precious to me and throwing it out. It has great sentimental value to me, it was part of who I am and i was something my late Mother bought for me 

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I can understand being upset about losing a precious keepsake.  But, I think if you really thought about it, you know deep down inside that your husband is more precious than an inanimate object, it doesn't love you. Your husband does.  Think about if you lost him.  None of us know how long we have on this earth.  Forget the grudge and forgive him.  You have been married many years.  I am sure that he has forgiven you for things during that time.  

Being angry isn't healthy, nor does it feel good.

[occasionalrain]

The candle was a tangible expression that she was loved. Comparing one loss to another is dismissive, an attempt to minimize a person's feelings. 

[tends2dogs]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

The candle was a tangible repression that she was loved. Comparing one loss to another is dismissive, an attempt to minimize a person's feelings. 

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I get that it is an expression of love, but at the end of the day it is a thing.  I am not dismissing that OP is upset by this, but to carry a grudge about it is making her miserable, and I can only guess how miserable her husband feels, especially if he is reminded about it daily.  

Forgiveness is part of a good marriage.  I am sure he has had to forgive her for things through the years.  That is what marriage is about.....not holding grudges.

[Bri369]

It is an object.  It doesn't erase the memories attached to the object. It wasn't done with malice.  Holding a grudge says more about you as a person and is very immature.  I'm sure he's done a lot for you 30 years of marriage. 

[lynnie61]

These posts make me so sad. No one can take our memories.  I can't imagine the feeling of those in CA, where every single item is gone.  My home, where ever it was, is my happy place.

Some day our husbands, partners, etc will be gone.  I would hate losing mine, knowing that I held a longtime grudge.  That would be my biggest regret.  He's my world.