Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

The problem with sitting children down and parents telling them what is in the will is that some children will set about changing their parent's mind and badgering them until they write a new will that is more beneficial to that child.

I believe the fights are as much about depriving a sibling as they are about getting more for oneself.

Of course lawyers love family fights because that means more billable hours for them.

[shoekitty]

Nantucket

I read through some of your further comments.

About siblings getting your Mom to sign documents. That is an "iffy" matter. If your Mom has any competency issues, or is ill, that can be undue influence. Believe me it can be held up in court. When documents, wills, addendums are messed with at a certain point a witness, or attorney should be present. In other words if your siblings think they can get her to sign papers in their favor, that can be undue influence. You might tell them that.

[glb613]

On 5/7/2014 herekitty_kitty said:

On 5/7/2014 glb613 said:

On 5/7/2014 nantucket shore said:

A will means nothing, it's just that persons' wishes.

My mom had some transfer of death deeds in place and they want them changed.

I'm the POA but mom can sign herself. It's really a mess and I called the courthouse and understand as long as it has her signature on it, it can be changed and they don't need me at all to do this.

I figure after my mom is really gone, I won't have a family at all.

I just talked to a customer that came in and she said something similar happened 3 years ago with her dad and she has lost her family too.

Where did you go to law school? A will is a legal document and means a lot!

You never heard of someone contesting a will? It happens all the time.

It doesn't mean a will is nothing. If done right, it is a legal document and contesting doesn't mean it changes.

[Financialgrl]

I am right now as we speak, the executor of my father's estate (he died Dec 2012) and probate is scheduled to officially close next month. My father made it incredibly easy - my mother died at 44, about 40 years ago, leaving behind 4 children. Shortly thereafter he went to a lawyer and had a will drawn. From that day forward, my father continually told us at least 3 or 4 times a year, "when I die, everything will be equally divided by 4 - for every $1, you each get a quarter". He'd assigned beneficiary/payable on death instructions to all but one of his monetary accounts and my only job for those was to provide the beneficiary addresses and the banks sent each of us a certified bank check for 1/4 of the amount. My father had been helping and lent money to two of his children and he made a provision for that in his will as well. He left no stone unturned and when he died everyone knew exactly what to expect.

He'd forgotten one very old account that was in his name only which forced that account to probate - but that worked great as well since that was what I paid his debts - funeral, medical, etc. It made life so simple - no arguing, no fighting, no one trying to outdo the other or game things. It helped considerably that my father had been unable to live on his own for at least 8 years so his house had been sold and belongings long ago distributed while he was alive - so his estate was now all monetary. As I went along, I prepared a book with copies of all the inventory and financial accounting reports I had to provide the court and it's located where all my siblings can look thru if anyone has any questions or issues. It probably helps that I am in a family where 3 of us, are all financial types, - - (in finance, accountants and CPAs). Before I submitted my final paperwork I had my sister and niece look over everything to verify that the estate was executed per dad's wishes. It helps when you have nothing to hide! I took to heart some of the things I learned from being executor to making sure my own records are in order to make things easier for my sister who will be my executor.

[CouponQueen]

This isn't my siblings but my late MIL and hers. Her sisters hubby died years ago and he was a surgeon early in life..hated it and moved to our town..married my husband's aunt..they had money at one time. He died in the late 80's and my MIL sister named her in the Will as getting the house and any money left..(the house was worth about $75,000 and the cash was about the same in CDs)..the thing is my MIL had two living siblings. A brother and sister..and the sister with the money kept all three of them jumping to her tune with the promise of being left the money and house (she was older then them..) well my husband's aunt passed away and the fight began..when they will was read and my MIL was executor as well as the one that received everything..they sued..it ruined their relationship..they never spoke again and all of them passed away..

My MIL caved at the urging of the Lawyers and gave them each $7500..

When my MIL asked me what I would of done. I said honestly? I would of given them $25K each OR split it three ways as you know she promised it to them to get them to do her bidding..she loved these dogs and they were constantly taking them in their vehicles to the vet, groomers, store for food..etc..they all did it for the payday...so they accepted their $7500 as the attorney's said the Will was solid, legal and valid..and the three never talked again..how sad.

[straykatz]

Sense of entitlement is a big factor...also....far too many people put a dollar value on love...so if they think they were the favored child they then think they should get more than others....or vice versa...if a child was hurt by the parent they feel it is owed to them for their pain....doesn't make any of it right...but these are two factors that I've seen play a huge role in the rivalries I've seen in my family after the death of a loved one...and the size of the estate doesn't matter in these cases.

[Group 5 minus 1]

As my aged I was so glad I was an only child. I could make decisions and not argue w/any one.

To OP does your mother have a will?

[Group 5 minus 1]

It should be Mother.

[Group 5 minus 1]

gb613: Do you REALLY believe a will means nothing?

[glb613]

On 5/8/2014 Bungo said:

gb613: Do you REALLY believe a will means nothing?

Can you read and comprehend? I believe a will done properly is a legal document and everyone should have one. Some of the other posters said it means nothing.

Both of my parents died in 2012 and I was the executor for each. I know what it's like to deal with estates and wills. The terms of my parent's will divided their estates equally between the three of us. That is what happened after the bills and expenses were paid.