Community Chat

[Kalli]

I have 5 siblings. My parents are still alive but they moved into senior housing and have signed their old farmhouse and 90 acres over to the 6 of us. We have formed an LLC. We do not agree with everything and ironing this out takes time and effort. My oldest brother is 16 yrs older than my youngest brother so while one is looking to retire, the other has college bills coming for his sons. They have totally different views on things so that makes it challenging!

So I can imagine that it might not always be easy to settle things once parents are gone.

-Kalli

[Mistreatedbycs]

They call them TODD's and those are legal documents filed with the court, and since those are in place, the will means nothing, I've called and talked to several lawyers.

Since my mom is living and my siblings don't like the way the TODD's are written, my siblings are making my mom change them. Called the courthouse today and the woman said as long as your mom is living and her signature is on the change, we don't question anything (in other words, you pay the document fee and we'll put the new request on file). I can't do a darn thing about it and I am just so tired of everyone feeling so entitled when they do nothing to contribute, only take, take, take.

It's nice to feel like I'm not alone, money brings out evil.

[sgraham30]

I'm in the situation currently. My mom died August 2012, leaving no will & a $50,000 account where no beneficiaries had been assigned. (she'd assigned beneficiaries for the IRA's,CD's, and stocks) With my brother & sister's agreement, I petitioned to be Executor of the Estate & my petition was approved by the court. I hired a probate attorney to handle the probate.

I've been paying the bills every month since I've had the authority to access the account. My brother claims that I didn't pay the bills or keep up the house as I'd agreed to. How he knew that, I couldn't tell you since I have statements showing the cashed/cleared checks for the bills that I supposedly didn't pay.

He also rarely came to the house until I put the house on the market. I contacted him multiple times to come get his stuff from the house, he never responded so I finally had to contact his attorney & had him give him a message to get his junk out of the house/garage.

My mom's house was paid off so I wanted to hang on to it until real estate prices came back up, renting the house out meanwhile to my daughter & her boyfriend to generate enough income to cover the twice yearly real estate taxes. Since I had to have my siblings approval, the probate attorney sent both of them a letter explaining what I wanted to do. They had to either check "yes" or "no" on the letter, sign it, & return it. My sister called me & verbally told me no, she just wanted the house sold.

I don't know how, but somehow, my idiot of a brother got it in his head that my daughter & her boyfriend were living in the house rent free or I was charging them rent & pocketing the rent. Instead of texting or calling me to verify this info, the jerk hired an attorney. (the house sat empty from the day my mother died. My daughter or I were there constantly either packing things up or setting up for an estate sale, but no one lived there.We'd spend a few hours there, then go to our own homes)

Because he hired a lawyer last fall, an audit now needs to be done. I received the legal bill from the probate attorney I'm using for services rendered in the month of April: nearly $2,300 in legal fees because my brother is a greedy jerk.

Once the probate has been closed, my brother no longer exists as far as I'm concerned. He alienated our mother (he wasn't supposed to get anything but she never got around to making a will) & now me & my sister. All I can say is if he needs any help, he'd better not ever come to me for it.

[Allegheny]

On 5/7/2014 sgraham30 said:

I'm in the situation currently. My mom died August 2012, leaving no will & a $50,000 account where no beneficiaries had been assigned. (she'd assigned beneficiaries for the IRA's,CD's, and stocks) With my brother & sister's agreement, I petitioned to be Executor of the Estate & my petition was approved by the court. I hired a probate attorney to handle the probate.

I've been paying the bills every month since I've had the authority to access the account. My brother claims that I didn't pay the bills or keep up the house as I'd agreed to. How he knew that, I couldn't tell you since I have statements showing the cashed/cleared checks for the bills that I supposedly didn't pay.

He also rarely came to the house until I put the house on the market. I contacted him multiple times to come get his stuff from the house, he never responded so I finally had to contact his attorney & had him give him a message to get his junk out of the house/garage.

My mom's house was paid off so I wanted to hang on to it until real estate prices came back up, renting the house out meanwhile to my daughter & her boyfriend to generate enough income to cover the twice yearly real estate taxes. Since I had to have my siblings approval, the probate attorney sent both of them a letter explaining what I wanted to do. They had to either check "yes" or "no" on the letter, sign it, & return it. My sister called me & verbally told me no, she just wanted the house sold.

I don't know how, but somehow, my idiot of a brother got it in his head that my daughter & her boyfriend were living in the house rent free or I was charging them rent & pocketing the rent. Instead of texting or calling me to verify this info, the jerk hired an attorney. (the house sat empty from the day my mother died. My daughter or I were there constantly either packing things up or setting up for an estate sale, but no one lived there.We'd spend a few hours there, then go to our own homes)

Because he hired a lawyer last fall, an audit now needs to be done. I received the legal bill from the probate attorney I'm using for services rendered in the month of April: nearly $2,300 in legal fees because my brother is a greedy jerk.

Once the probate has been closed, my brother no longer exists as far as I'm concerned. He alienated our mother (he wasn't supposed to get anything but she never got around to making a will) & now me & my sister. All I can say is if he needs any help, he'd better not ever come to me for it.

Being an executor is a very responsible position even when you have an attorney. Every penny has to be accounted for. It is a shame your brother doesn't comprehend that and is creating issues because in the long run he is dwindling down any share of the inheritance he feels he is entitled to.

[sgraham30]

On 5/7/2014 Allegheny said:

On 5/7/2014 sgraham30 said:

I'm in the situation currently. My mom died August 2012, leaving no will & a $50,000 account where no beneficiaries had been assigned. (she'd assigned beneficiaries for the IRA's,CD's, and stocks) With my brother & sister's agreement, I petitioned to be Executor of the Estate & my petition was approved by the court. I hired a probate attorney to handle the probate.

I've been paying the bills every month since I've had the authority to access the account. My brother claims that I didn't pay the bills or keep up the house as I'd agreed to. How he knew that, I couldn't tell you since I have statements showing the cashed/cleared checks for the bills that I supposedly didn't pay.

He also rarely came to the house until I put the house on the market. I contacted him multiple times to come get his stuff from the house, he never responded so I finally had to contact his attorney & had him give him a message to get his junk out of the house/garage.

My mom's house was paid off so I wanted to hang on to it until real estate prices came back up, renting the house out meanwhile to my daughter & her boyfriend to generate enough income to cover the twice yearly real estate taxes. Since I had to have my siblings approval, the probate attorney sent both of them a letter explaining what I wanted to do. They had to either check "yes" or "no" on the letter, sign it, & return it. My sister called me & verbally told me no, she just wanted the house sold.

I don't know how, but somehow, my idiot of a brother got it in his head that my daughter & her boyfriend were living in the house rent free or I was charging them rent & pocketing the rent. Instead of texting or calling me to verify this info, the jerk hired an attorney. (the house sat empty from the day my mother died. My daughter or I were there constantly either packing things up or setting up for an estate sale, but no one lived there.We'd spend a few hours there, then go to our own homes)

Because he hired a lawyer last fall, an audit now needs to be done. I received the legal bill from the probate attorney I'm using for services rendered in the month of April: nearly $2,300 in legal fees because my brother is a greedy jerk.

Once the probate has been closed, my brother no longer exists as far as I'm concerned. He alienated our mother (he wasn't supposed to get anything but she never got around to making a will) & now me & my sister. All I can say is if he needs any help, he'd better not ever come to me for it.

Being an executor is a very responsible position even when you have an attorney. Every penny has to be accounted for. It is a shame your brother doesn't comprehend that and is creating issues because in the long run he is dwindling down any share of the inheritance he feels he is entitled to.

I know it's a very responsible position. Before the probate was opened, I was paying her outstanding bills out of my own personal accounts & I paid nearly $6,000 for her cremation, a retainer for the probate attorney, & other things. I made sure to keep copies of the checks that I wrote, as well as charge card statements showing that I'd paid the bills. I have documentation for every single penny that has been spent out of the account. I paid my daughter for when she worked at the house, but that was ok'd by the probate attorney, I was told that I could pay her minimum wage, which in IL is $8.50 an hour. I have even generated an additional $7,000 for the account via an estate sale & appealing the final real estate taxes.(she had a senior exemption) These extra funds are going to be eaten up by legal fees. I don't know who will be distributing the funds when the probate is closed. If it's the probate attorney, I'm going to talk to them about giving him $2,300 less. If it's me, I'll be giving him $2,300 less. Through all this, my brother & sister have done NOTHING, paid for NOTHING. I have done nearly everything, with my son & daughter's help.

The idiot doesn't feel that what we received for the house when it sold was enough. The buyer offered $1,000 more than the house actually appraised it, then around $19,000 was deducted from the selling price for realtor commission & various applicable fees. Both siblings were told what the realtor had told me: she said that she could list the house for a high dollar amount but we weren't going to get more than whatever it appraised at for the seller. She told me flat out not to expect more than $170,000 or $180,000 for the house. Idiot brother feels that the realtor didn't know what she was talking about, despite the fact that she's been selling real estate in this area for over 35 years & had done a Comparative Market Analysis. (my brother is one of these people who think that he knows everything & everyone else is stupid)

[herekitty_kitty]

On 5/7/2014 glb613 said:

On 5/7/2014 nantucket shore said:

A will means nothing, it's just that persons' wishes.

My mom had some transfer of death deeds in place and they want them changed.

I'm the POA but mom can sign herself. It's really a mess and I called the courthouse and understand as long as it has her signature on it, it can be changed and they don't need me at all to do this.

I figure after my mom is really gone, I won't have a family at all.

I just talked to a customer that came in and she said something similar happened 3 years ago with her dad and she has lost her family too.

Where did you go to law school? A will is a legal document and means a lot!

You never heard of someone contesting a will? It happens all the time.

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

On 5/7/2014 Allegheny said:

Even the best planning doesn't guarentee there won't be problems. My Dad made his will very specific. He intentionally excluded one of my siblings from his will, as he put it "for reasons she is aware of" and left her $1.

She and her husband turned around and made a rather substantial claim against his estate, indicating they had an agreement with my father that he was to compensate them for improvements they made to his property which they were using and then basically abandoned. That was a bunch of you know what... Our father would have advised us of this and no legal documents were ever found to prove this. They had several years to address this, but waited till after he died. Well off to court we went just on a matter of principle. His estate wasn't that big, but we were angry that she would stoop to such. She didn't even bring her sorry butt to the court house, sent her husband. I guess the judge thought us two were ganging up on her because he did advise he thought her claim had some merit and recommend we agree on a settlement. Needless to say, my brother and I have never forgiven her and never will. In fact I kind of feel sorry for her because she has to live with the fact that she alienated the only family she has left, all over greed.

Whew, sorry I had to get that off my chest..

..that is what we are here for...

[Shorty2U]

That's terrible. Sorry for what you're going thru.

When my dad died the nursing home took almost all of my dads savings, there was some left but not much. My sibling kept saying we split what's left but my sibling would get more for being the power of attorney. (there was no lawyer involved, my sibling handled everything). My sibling kept repeating this to me. Also my sibling has dads coins etc. never offered to split them.

Where as I had a few things dad had given me while he was alive, and offered did my sibling want anything.

Bottom line, I refused to ever argue over money or things so I didn't care or say anything about my sibling taking extra or the coins and other stuff.

I would rather have had my dad still here. My dad was the best dad in the world. I treasure having had him in my life and I hold in my heart the wonderful memories of my dad. That was enough and worth more than money or things.

I think its SO sad when people argue over their families "things"

[Mistreatedbycs]

The will doesn't match the TODD's. Having TODD's eliminates the need to go to probate for the property and I took care of all the paperwork with the investments and bank money with the appropriate paperwork so nothing has to go through probate if and when that time comes.

This is all happening in front of my mom, I guess that's what is upsetting me the most, can you imagine if they didn't know any of this until after, I would be sitting in the attorney's office for years to come.

Please keep in mind that all of them have money, they have great paying careers.

[shoekitty]

I am sorry for about your Mom, and truely sorry you have to go through this. Nantucket, a will is a legal document. POA is a legal position, follow the law (and your Mom's wishes) and you can't do better than that. Some wills are loosley written, and give too much room for interpretation. If it is not concise each child can have their own idea of what "mom" meant.

Yes, I have seen families fight. I have seen one family split up and nearly go to court over a lamp! One friend complained to me her siblings took 3.00 more than they should have. 3.00!!! Then she was obsessed with seeing every receipt, because she was sure they were taking things underhandedly. I am totally serious. I couldn't believe it.

I believe the parents are sometimes at fault. Everything should legally be split equally, no matter what kid is a favorite. But I am just dreaming there. Or, the parents should sit all kids down and explain what they are doing with their estate, and belongings. Belongings should be gifted before they pass on. Parents cannot assume kids will work it out. JMHO.

I guess if one looks at inheritence as a gift, and not a right, it works out better and no one is upset. But siblings can be competative, most are, in some way. Nothing brings that out like money. Feeling things are unfair is a real problem with inheritance and there is a sense of intitlement with some. All those feelings make for a real calderon of bitterness and anger.

POA is a hard job. My best to you