Community Chat

[Gooday]

Here's a good one for you. My grandfather decided he could no longer live by himself. He wanted to live with my aunt who, at the time had 4 fairly young children. However, there was not enough room. He told her, I'll GIVE you 20K for an addition. (This was in the late 80's). My dad, one uncle and sister were grateful and totally on-board. The youngest uncle who was going through a divorce at the time, had a chit fit and said she was getting her "inheritance" up front. My dad was WHAT??? It's dad's money and he can spend it any way he sees fit. He lived another 7 years. My dad and uncle wanted my aunt to get what money he had but my aunt said, "no way, please don't put me in that position with Richard".

People are strange.

When my mom died, I got all her jewelry per my dad's wishes. My brother had absolutely no problem with that. Everything my dad has is in a trust and it's split 50/50 with me being the trustee. Eeeezy-peezy!

[shorelady]

After reading some of these posts, it is at times like this that I am glad I was an only child. But that wouldn't have mattered anyway since my parents literally had nothing and didn't even own a home. I would have been happy to receive something, and that is why I can't understand how greedy people can't be content with whatever they get.

From my own experience among friends and family, it is usually the sibling who has done the least for Mom and Dad who feel entitled to the most.

A friend, I'll call Mary, had an experience that defined greed and sneaky. Mary's grandmother lived with Mary and her parents for many years. In fact Grandma shared Mary's bedroom with Mary. Eventually Grandma moved into a 3-room apartment in a senior citizen complex. The only thing Mary wanted was Grandma's old sewing machine.

Grandma passed away, and Mary and her Mom went to Grandma's apartment to let the manager know they would be back to clear out the apartment. One of Mary's uncles (Grandma's son who did little if nothing for her and didn't visit) arrived late to the wake saying he was caught in traffic. After the funeral, Mary and her Mom went to clear out the meager belongings left in Grandma's apartment. Lo and behold, the apartment was empty. Seems her son wasn't caught in traffic, but spent the time cleaning out the apartment. He denied doing that until relatives visiting his home found Grandma's few items including the sewing machine.

Did Grandma have a will? Probably not since there was actually nothing of value (or so she thought). What some low level people will stoop to.

[Irshgrl31201]

There will be no fight at all when my mother dies. My brother, sister and I all have our own money and even if my mother was worth a mint (which she isn't) there would be no fight. I am often amazed at how families that I thought were strong and close fight over money. It is so sad.

I am the baby of the family and I am 10 yrs younger than my sister and 9 yrs younger than my brother. There has never been any competition or rivalry in my family between any of my siblings and maybe our age difference has something to do with it.

I have friends who have serious problems with jealousy, sibling rivalry and fighting over money while parents are alive and dead. I honestly can't even remember the last time I even had an argument with my brother or sister. We are unusually close and when I was younger I used to be jealous of friends I had who would argue with their sister or brother. I thought it looked exciting, I always thought my family was kind of boring and would have liked a little excitement. Now I am thankful for the boring-ness of my family.

[Snowpuppy]

On 5/7/2014 Suzie said:

On 5/7/2014 Snowpuppy said:

I left "home" as a teenager and never went back.

My siblings can fight over the nothing was left to us.

Snowpuppy, I am so sorry.

Nothing to be sorry about at all.

I've known people who have waited for decades to get their hands on something that never came. They were lied to or the will was changed.

All those years wasted waiting for the "one day". Greedy little hearts got what they deserved. Nothing.

[raven-blackbird]

you ALWAYS see someone's true character at a loved ones death.........never known that to be untrue......................................raven

[Suziepeach]

On 5/7/2014 Snowpuppy said:

Nothing to be sorry about at all.

I've known people who have waited for decades to get their hands on something that never came. They were lied to or the will was changed.

All those years wasted waiting for the "one day". Greedy little hearts got what they deserved. Nothing.

I so understand what you're saying. My MIL wasn't waiting for the "one day" but when the day came, her own brother did her so wrong.. The land her dad told her she was to have, nope not to be- the entire will had been changed & her dad didn't tell her. She was lucky to have gotten her own mother's quilts, which I have some of them. To this day I never looked at her brother the same same way.. Greed is a horrible gene to have..

[kittymomNC]

I've never been able to understand siblings fighting over material possessions or even money after a parent dies, although I guess there are some situations where it couldn't be avoided. My dad died without a will, which meant in my state, that 1/3 of his estate went to my Mom and 2/3 would be divided between the 3 children. We all signed a paper turning over our share to our Mom, because we felt that's what our Dad would have wanted.

When my Mom passed away, we knew that the money she had would be split equally between the 3 of us, because she always did things that way. We went through her possessions and chose particular items that we wanted and donated the rest - never even thought of arguing. My Mom would never spend any of her money to fix up some things in her house or get new carpet, or anything like that because she said she "never wanted to be a burden to any of us"--as if that would have been remotely possible! We would have done anything for her. So, with me being a single mom, had just purchased a house and was struggling somewhat at the time, my sister and her husband sent me a check for several thousand dollars of their share. I told them I couldn't take it, but they said that since Mom never spent any money to fix up her house, they wanted me to have it so I could fix up mine. I gave in, and used it for that purpose, and was ever so grateful to my sister. That's how families should be, not arguing over who gets what.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 5/7/2014 kittymomNC said:

I've never been able to understand siblings fighting over material possessions or even money after a parent dies, although I guess there are some situations where it couldn't be avoided. My dad died without a will, which meant in my state, that 1/3 of his estate went to my Mom and 2/3 would be divided between the 3 children. We all signed a paper turning over our share to our Mom, because we felt that's what our Dad would have wanted.

When my Mom passed away, we knew that the money she had would be split equally between the 3 of us, because she always did things that way. We went through her possessions and chose particular items that we wanted and donated the rest - never even thought of arguing. My Mom would never spend any of her money to fix up some things in her house or get new carpet, or anything like that because she said she "never wanted to be a burden to any of us"--as if that would have been remotely possible! We would have done anything for her. So, with me being a single mom, had just purchased a house and was struggling somewhat at the time, my sister and her husband sent me a check for several thousand dollars of their share. I told them I couldn't take it, but they said that since Mom never spent any money to fix up her house, they wanted me to have it so I could fix up mine. I gave in, and used it for that purpose, and was ever so grateful to my sister. That's how families should be, not arguing over who gets what.

I agree, that is how families should be. Sounds like you have a wonderful sister. This is exactly how my sister and brother are and it is so foreign to me that other families do not operate in the same way. I feel so sad for people who have greedy and selfish people who do not feel the same. I mean your family is SUPPOSED to be the ones you can trust more than anyone.

[Marienkaefer2]

I've seen some sad situations over wills and trusts.

Imo it brings out resentments. I don't think it's even about the material possessions in a lot of cases. It's about the sense of fairness or unfairness that people feel.

[GCR18]

My father created a trust six months before he passed. I am trustee and everything is clearly spelled out.