Community Chat

[Allegheny]

In my father's situation, his will was very specific. My sister did not contest the will, by her prior actions she pretty much knew she would be excluded. What she did was file a claim (debt) against his estate. If I have one good thing to say about her, she is extremely intelligent, just seems to use it for self serving purposes. Hard to believe siblings can be so different from each other.

[jlkz]

Read all the above posts and can add my own experience as an executrix for my Dad's estate. All was to be divided equally echoed all through our lives. My DH was the attorney and had handled all the issues from when my Mom went into assisted living & nursing home due to Alzheimer's and all through Medicaid issues for my Dad. He told him that not to worry about payment now, the estate would repay him. One sister we expected problems with said it was only fair that he be paid for all the hours and days put in over five years. The other sister who depended in me to "protect her interests" since childhood feels that she was taken advantage of and is now estranged. She keeps harping on Dad's wishes that everything be divided equally. She seems to have forgotten that my Dad (and Mom) when alive, always wanted to pay their bills. My Dad appointed me executrix because he knew I was strong enough to deal with everything fairly and handle any conflicts. I and DH did our best morally and ethically. The one sister wanted nothing to do with her two sisters close to our parents's deaths and now the other is estranged from us. Somehow the saying FRIENDS are God's gift for making up for family members......

[kdgn]

A close friend's father had a Trust, handed each of his children a copy and discussed it with them. The house was to be put up for sale at the appraised value but one daughter had first dibs if she wanted to buy it.

After he died, she told her siblings that their dad had told her the preceding month that he wanted her to buy the house for what the mortgage was, not the appraised value. They asked if he had changed the Trust to reflect that. No. So they said, sorry, it's to be sold for the appraised value if you want to buy it. She said they couldn't afford it. The house sold several months later, for the appraised value and the money was evenly split between the siblings.

The daughter, husband and kids had been living with the father rent free for a good ten years. They owned a house but had rented it out during those years. My friend told me that there was no way they were going to let her buy that house for the remaining mortgage considering the free ride they'd had for those ten years. The house sold for 4 times what was left on the mortgage.

[straykatz]

Many years ago when my former FIL passed his home/estate was left to his 2 sons.....my ex could not afford to buy out his brother's share of the house but offered to rent it from him until his 1/2 was paid in full...the other brother refused and demanded the house be sold....it wasn't worth a whole lot of money when it sold....the other brother was upset because he thought the house was worth more....so he got a small amount of cash instantly when he could have helped his brother by letting him rent until he paid him his share.....in the end they both loss because the home they grew up in was gone.....the cash didn't go far....and the brothers were left with a big rift between them.

[LilacTree]

I am the one who has to make the decisions now, as I am the "old mom" with one ounce of dust in the urn. In the last year I have changed my will and my life insurance beneficiaries twice, and I'm still not sure I am doing the right thing. I have four daughters, one of whom is estranged from me and two of my daughters. One other daughter has managed to stay "on the fence" so to speak and has a relationship with my estranged daughter as well as the rest of us (for which I have always been relieved).

My one daughter who was the injured party in what the estranged daughter did wants me to completely disinherit her, including as a beneficiary of my life insurance policy (the only real money there will be). So I did that. Then I modified it so that my estranged daughter will receive her share of the life insurance policy. The will doesn't matter because there is very little value to anything else I have, other than sentimental. My "injured" daughter does not know that yet, although my other two do . . . and approve.

I feel I owe it to my "injured" daughter to tell her this before I go because I don't want her to be shocked or feel betrayed by me afterwards. My other two daughters say to just leave it as is and she will have to understand that I just couldn't go through with it, despite that there will likely never be a reconciliation with my estranged daughter.

These are the things that keep you up at night and make mornings a misery. And I do believe is the reason why a lot of parents just don't want to make these decisions.

[tansy]

Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

[LilacTree]

On 5/8/2014 tansy said: Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

Yes, she was Tansy, and she lost her home. She can only rent now, so her antipathy is real and deserved. I do understand what you are saying and I think it's valid and I will definitely give this some consideration. I was also thinking I could divide my estranged daughter's share into three parts, giving my two adult grandchildren (her children) a portion of it, after all none of this was their fault.

[glb613]

On 5/8/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 5/8/2014 tansy said: Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

Yes, she was Tansy, and she lost her home. She can only rent now, so her antipathy is real and deserved. I do understand what you are saying and I think it's valid and I will definitely give this some consideration. I was also thinking I could divide my estranged daughter's share into three parts, giving my two adult grandchildren (her children) a portion of it, after all none of this was their fault.

Why would you leave an estranged daughter who did wrong money? Am I missing something?

[tansy]

I don't envy you having to make this decision, Ford. It would keep me up at night

[tansy]

On 5/8/2014 glb613 said:

On 5/8/2014 Ford1224 said:

On 5/8/2014 tansy said: Wasn't the 'injured' daughter hurt financially, Ford? I can't remember the original dispute but thought it was about the sale of a home. If so, I might...not sure...I might deduct the financial loss to your one daughter out of the other daughter's share. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. That's a hard place for you to be

Yes, she was Tansy, and she lost her home. She can only rent now, so her antipathy is real and deserved. I do understand what you are saying and I think it's valid and I will definitely give this some consideration. I was also thinking I could divide my estranged daughter's share into three parts, giving my two adult grandchildren (her children) a portion of it, after all none of this was their fault.

Why would you leave an estranged daughter who did wrong money? Am I missing something?

You're missing that Ford is a mother who still loves the estranged daughter.