Should he Stay or Should he go ? - Page 42

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Yes, Sharke, very true......

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I just thought of something in a 'light bulb moment': He's protecting his and his adult childrens' assets. Can't blame him. He's probably 'better off' just dating, in the long run. He's probably not as 'needy' as some divorced/widowers are. He could be very self-sufficient. Again, good of him to tell O/P ahead of time, more or less. I wouldn't 'press' anything regarding hints of marriage.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

DH and I made a pact years ago. If one dies, the other will never remarry.

We both feel strongly that all of our assets will go to our daughter and it's in our wills.

If one finds a companion, fine, just don't make it legal. We learned our lesson when my BF's children lost everything.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

I would leave things like they are, you are in love, enjoy it.

Marriage changes a lot of people.

You could lose him either way!

Goodie2shoes · ‎04-30-2012

@ROMARY wrote:
Noel: Yes, I've seen that happen several times. The widower finds a new wife within a year or two, and then leaves (in a will/trust) almost everything to the new wife.

Isobel Archer wrote:.

Maybe that's what she's hoping for.

@KathyPet wrote:

The OP was in a relationship for 40 years with another man and brought not one but two children into the world without benefit of a legal relationship with their father. EVidently she managed to suppress or overlook her pangs of conscience during that relationship but now at the age of 66 she has decided she won't be happy without a ring on her finger. Unbelievable!

Please let me clarify this for you both, My initial post explains that we both are retired and in good financial standings. I do not need his money at all, own my home and have no intention of marrying him just for his money. As a matter of fact, I would agree to a prenupt so my children are protected. I never said I could not be happy without a ring on my finger. I am very very happy as I stated in my initial post, I am treated very well and have no complaints as far as that is concerned and whether I decide to stay or go I will be fine. As I stated a few pages back, I have decided to give it time and continue to enjoy the relationship. I do hope that answers your concerns, have a great day

SharkE · ‎08-19-2010

I'd keep him around. Never know when you need some car work, smoke detector batteries changed, put something together, move something around, any kind of yard work, on and on.

Opening pickle jars, greasing the garage door opener chain, push trash barrel to the curb. Hooking up a TV and DVD recorder. Wash the car.

Otherwise, everybody needs a handyman. Be free and all

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@Goodie2shoes You seem to be a woman who has all things sorted out in your own mind already.

You have the answer not only in your mind but in your heart. Follow it.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

Goodie2shoes · ‎04-30-2012

Cakers wrote:

You seem to be a woman who has all things sorted out in your own mind already.

You have the answer not only in your mind but in your heart. Follow it. Smiley Happy

Thank you ! I am in a very good place in my life thanks to my 40 year relationship, taught me a lot about life, love and being self sufficient. . Have a great day

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

The way I see it, you told him in the beginning you wanted (eventually) to get married, so he knew that....

It's up to you as to how important being married is to you.

I've known several women who were in very long relationships with men but didn't get married. With these women, anyway, either the guy died or found someone else and these women had to find somewhere else to live, start over, etc.

No matter if it's fair or how anyone likes it, there are certain (for want of a better word) RULES the law recognizes and that piece of paper protects each person as to what happens to the property if they break up or he/she dies.

One thing people don't think about is legally, they have no say if the other person gets sick or decisions have to be made about their health. They contact the family members. That's something to think about.

The fact that the OP is coming here (in my opinion) says that she is questioning her decision if staying with him and NOT being married is the right thing for her. No one can make up her mind. My guess is everything said here is the same thing the OP (or close friends/family members) haven't already said to her (pros and cons).

I once met an elderly lady in a COSTCO who I stopped and just stood and talked to. If you knew me, you'd know this isn't unusual....Ha!

The talk turned to remarrying after husband died. She said that she'd met a wonderful man and was seriously dating him. She also said she had no intention of marrying him because his health is failing. She said she'd taken care of two husbands through their medical issues (they'd died) and she wasn't about to go through it again. She said she told him she'd continue to date him if that's what he wanted but she would NEVER marry him and she told me she explained to him why. They broke up. She said she thought maybe he was looking for someone to take care of him in his old age and she'd been there...done that and now the choice was her's now and she wanted to enjoy what was left of her life.

I always remembered that. I've been a widow now for almost (phew...hard to believe...14 years! I'll never remarry, that I know...but then it's not like I have men beating on my door! Ha!

Goodie2shoes · ‎04-30-2012

Sharke wrote:

I'd keep him around. Never know when you need some car work, smoke detector batteries changed, put something together, move something around, any kind of yard work, on and on.

Opening pickle jars, greasing the garage door opener chain, push trash barrel to the curb. Hooking up a TV and DVD recorder. Wash the car.

Otherwise, everybody needs a handyman. Be free and all

He takes my trash to the curb, he set up my DVD recorder AND washes my suv, cleans the inside as well and put armoral on the tires. He also cleaned the gutters on my roof ! He is a keeper for sure !! Love him much !!