Re: SELF LOVE

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Yes to your words, Lindsey's... As a recovering people pleaser (mom died of disease when I was 12 and dad was an alcoholic with a good work ethic. Financially supported us, but never emotionally. Older siblings were bitter, angry people and no relatives living within a 1000 miles. So I'm textbook regarding starting out life as a people pleaser). This is such an important message.

A psych instructor said if he could give his daughters anything -- besides good health, safety and living in world of love and peace -- he would give them assertiveness so they could love themselves enough to make wise decisions.

I'm a fortunate lady -- I chased emotional health and surrounded myself with wise people while leaning on a faith of love and peace. Learned to love myself and set boundaries. Sharpened my intuition skills regarding toxic people. And forgave and moved on with some people.

Learning to love yourself is a lot of work but leads to a beautiful life. Thank you for posting this truth, Lindsey's grandma.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@happycat wrote:
This is difficult for me. I don't even know how to love myself, I feel like. I wasn't raised to do this, I was raised by parents who seemed to worry too much about what others thought and they can still be manipulative. It has taken me 50 years to put my foot down.
I do not put up with things like I use to, I try not to anymore anyway.

Very good post, @Lindsays Grandma.

One of my hardest lessons, is that just because I have been good to friends and there for them in their time of need, does not mean they will reciprocate for me when my world is falling apart.

@happycat ...I have been very lucky in having had three friends who were always there for me as I was for them. They are deceased, each from breast cancer and my heart hurts everyday from missing them. One thing you have to teach yourself is to never expect anyone to be there for you when you need a helping hand. In that way, you will be very happy when they give you a helping and and not disappointed when they don't. It is hard, I know, but you must never put yourself in the position of being hurt. The one person in my life who should be there for me as I was for her each and everyday, even now, is my daughter. Because I now know she isn't and won't be there for me, I don't expect it. Does it hurt? Yes, a whole lot but not as much as it would if I expected it. Stay strong, and God Bless You.

Very wise words, @Lindsays Grandma. Maybe a month and a half ago or so, someone on here started a thread about our greatest blessings, or something like that. I had written that mine was my micro premie granddaughter who at the time of my writing it, was doing pretty good.

Well, she took a turn, had a couple of brain bleeds they could do nothing about and we had to let her go. It about killed all of us. She was so wanted and loved from the moment we knew of her existance. I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind. Hearing babies cry that aren't there at night. Once I heard a gunshot, but it was all in my head.

I was and still am astounded at the ones in my life who were there to comfort me, (us) and I cannot believe the ones who were distant, who didn't even come to her memorial service. It does hurt. I have tried to dwell on the ones who were wonderful, and there were many. But an old friend I have helped over and over, called me one time. I truly don't understand how people work. It has really hurt.

I am going to a counselor and I feel I will be for the rest of my life at this point.

I'm very sorry you lost your three wonderful friends. And for the situation with your daughter. I know it has to hurt to the quick. I'm praying that your daughter comes around and realizes what a gem of a mother she has.

Thank you for your advice. I think you are right, the less we expect the less we will be disappointed. And we can be happily surprised when people do come thru for us. I will try to keep that in mind. In the future, I am just going to try to make sure I am the kind of friend that a couple of mine were not for me.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@happycat I am so sorry you lost your granddaughter. I will include her in my prayers along with you and the rest of your family. No one should experience a loss like that.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@blackhole99 wrote:
I think people who are raised by parents who provide a supportive, loving home have no problem loving themselves.
@blackhole99 ...I will agree that many of those raised in a supportive, loving home have no problem loving themselves, such as myself, however, not all of them got the message.
@Lindsays Grandma It's probably not even being raised by loving parents. Once you go out into the world unless you have an innate sense of self worth, the world will chip away at what's been nurtured at home. Just because our family loves us and thinks we are beautiful, the world has it's own idea.

@blackhole99 ...In your first post you said you think people who are raised by parents who provide a supportive loving home have no problem loving themselves. In your second post you said it's probably not even being raised by loving parents, and went on to declare that going out into the world chips away at what's been learned at home and just because our family loves us and thinks we are beautiful, the world has it's own idea. So, can you please explain which of the two you feel the strongest about? I'm just curious.

@Lindsays Grandma I should have thought more about it before I responded. I have to believe that if you have an innate sense of self worth no matter what kind of environment you come from or what confronts you in the world you think well of yourself. Coming from a very dysfunctional family I always thought how much easier it must be for kids who were raised by great parents.I didn't consider that they might not be able to handle what the world has to throw at them even with all that love and support.

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
@happycat I am so sorry you lost your granddaughter. I will include her in my prayers along with you and the rest of your family. No one should experience a loss like that.

@Laura14 Thank you, we need it.