Community Chat

[ginirn]

We moved to Tennesse from Northern New York in 2005.  No family here since brother in law and wife moved back.  I  Could not face the winters again.  Hubby is insisting we may move to Canada due to political situation.  He was born there so is still considered a citizen.  Not for me!! True there are many who resent Yankees down here.  Still stuck on the civil was I guess.  I would look for a retirement community where you will find a bunch of compatible Yankees.  Miss the family but they have their own lives now and the grands are actualy scattered all over right now.  Do what is best for you.  I suggest you try a month or two in different areas before making a commitment.  With AirBnB it is fairly cheap to rent for a month.  

[riley1]

I would not make a move based solely on where my kids are or where they might go. They are a lot more mobile and will move quickly to advance their own careers. 

Before you settle on a place, you should rent first. If for instance you move south, rent a place for say May/June through August. I'm now in SC and it is very hot and humid. You really don't get used to it, you just stay indoors a lot more. And, there isn't any "I'll do it when it cools down this evening" - it doesn't cool down in the evening.

[caroln242]

My husband and I considered moving further south where houses are cheaper and get a new place on a lake somewhere.  He loves to fish so we thought it would be the perfect retirement idea.  After checking out various areas, it appears that even in some of the more remote areas, the houses on a lake are beyond our price range.  And the fact that it would be approximately an hour ride to the nearest hospital kind of turned us off.

So we're just going to stay where we are, close to shopping, doctors, hospitals, restaurants, and all the conveniences.  A five minute trip to Kroger beats driving for a half hour to some grocery store for a gallon of milk.  At our age, easy is the way to go.

[Mominohio]

I personally don't believe in following one's adult children to live, unless you are very very sure you would like to live in that area all by yourself when they up and move on. 

Some families make it work and love it, and others, not so much. 

First concern should be a really honest talk with the adult kids and if they really (I mean really, not just politely saying so) want you to relocate near them. Some kids do. Some kids moved away for a reason. Not always a bad reason, just want to be independent and on their own in THEIR OWN  world. 

If it seems they want you near, then really be sure the area is a place you could, would choose to live if they kids and grands scattered all different ways. Would you be happy and content there with no family around?

If it were me, I'd try living there in my camper or a short term rental for 6 months and see how the whole things feels and plays out. Then make a decision. 

[patbz]

@caroln242 :  You make a good point about the proximity to essential stores and services such as hospitals.  These were an important factor in our decision.  We knew we wanted to move to mountains of AZ ( 4 seasons, DH fishing, etc).  DH pictured living on a mountain top by a lake; that was fine but I wanted easy access to grocery store, Post Office, and hospital, so we decided on in town location.  So glad we did as DH had to be air evaluated to Phoenix two years after we arrived.  Just yesterday I had to do all our daily errands as DH was recovering from cataract surgery: I did P.O., pharmacy, fast food p.u. within 40 minutes, thank you!  We thought what would we do if one of us became permanently immobile and needed deliveries on regular basis. We also limited our house search to single story and downsized.

[tarsmom]

@homedecor1 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  That is sad.  My DH also said the same thing about our son - his fiancee has the potential to be wooed by big companies and who knows?  The last thing I want to do is move and then they move, too.

My BFF's parents years ago retired, left MI and moved to FL.  Her mom didn't drive.  Her dad passed and guess what?  She stayed there, learned to drive, got a boyfriend and they traveled.  I know my friend missed her mom so much, especially after she had kids, but there was no way her mom was returning.  She was active socially, played piano, made friends in her senior community and was happy.  My friends other two siblings lived in TX and upper MI.  They visited but she was happy in FL.  

I guess not all parents need to be living near their kids.  Plus they have their own lives. 

[tarsmom]

@riley1 

Thank you for your input.  Curious - did a job take you to SC?  Is there a special reason you are there?  We are considering SC but don't really know the area.  Did you live north in the past?  

[mary0129]

My suggestion is to stay put until your son and family settles down. I love being close to the grandkids. Her mother is out of state and doesn't get to see them as much.  I got the better deal.

[BluestarFL]

Having experienced this situation with myself and my mother then again with my husband and his family, my advice is - Do what is best for you!  You cannot build your life around others - make your own life.  You can always visit anyone at any time.

Before I married my current hubby, I was single and had a job that caused me to travel and move - a lot.  My mother was a widow, but still very young. She insisted on following me around the country and never made a life for herself. Then she became resentful of me because she got sick of moving and of me not being around because of my work traveling.  Obviously not a good situation. I always encouraged her to stay put and make a life for herself, but she never would.

My husband's family kept following their parents around as THEY moved because of my father-in-laws job. That was not a good idea either, because all the siblings had kids, marriages, jobs, etc.  They all moved from PA to TN to FL and back to PA. They were grown adults when all this happened and two of them got divorced because of it. Now some are in PA and some in FL and all the grand kids and great grand kids are scattered all around the country. Again, there is much resentment in his family due to all this, so another bad situation even now that everyone is retired.

Travel, visit, but do what is best for YOU.  Your happiness matters too. 

[MamaWick]

First thing you must do is speak with your son and lay it all out.  Then get his input.  If he's okay with having you closer, then you need to do some research into the state and local area.  Are they senior friendly regarding income tax on any pension and SS on the state level?  Do they offer homestead exemption on property taxes?...an over 6t exemption?   What is your healthcare insurance...Medicare A and B with supplement, or an Advantage plan?  If you travel a lot, an Advantage plan may not be right for you.  Check out the local physicians and hospitals.  Check the housing market.  

A few years back, when we were heavy into setting a retirement date, we talked with both our sons, the eldest in San Antonio, TX and the youngest in Portland, ME.  We looked into a halfway point between them, but after checking out tax advantages, etc, we chose Texas.  We joke is that the eldest drew the short straw.  Had either boy been against our plans, we would have sought out alternatives.