Retirement: several questions for you

tarsmom · ‎03-21-2010

Hello all,

I have mentioned before that I am recently retired (Jan 2020). Of course Covid has changed everyone's plans but DH and I are ok - healthy.

We did a lot of camping this summer and early fall and now we're discussing several things - please comment:

1. We have one son who is engaged - lives down south (we're in MI). He/his fiancee are both very career focused.

2. Our parents and several siblings are deceased.

3. We are discussing whether to move south in the next 18 months.

So - what are your opinions about moving to be closer to our son? My thought is what if he or she gets a better job offer out of state, then what---

Staying here in MI for me mostly is difficult. While I have more friends than DH, they all have kids/grandkids and I cannot relate to big family outings, gatherings, talk of Christmas, etc. If it were just me, I would probably move to FL. DH has said if it is just him, he would stay here (more because of doctors-he has a few health problems but nothing that limits him). The cloudy weather and cold bothers me 10x more than him. He has siblings here but they are not really close (nothing really in common). I have one brother in FL but he is almost 80 and has taken up with a girlfriend. He's been bugging us for years to move to FL but DH thinks it's because my brother wants me to take care of him lol. We don't really have the $$ to live two places like snowbirds, nor do I want to worry about two places (when you're in MI, you're worried about the hurricane in FL, etc.).

We have both lived in MI for 65 years. Looking for input - did you move when you retired? Did you follow your kids? Are you happy where you live now? I have read plenty of comments "I'd move but my wife won't leave the grandkids". How very sad for the other spouse.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

I wouldn't rush into a drastic change until your son is permanently settled with a wife. Young people are very mobile these days, constantly relocating for better jobs early in their careers. You might move only to have him relocate and you're stuck in a place where you know nobody. I'd move because I really liked the place, not because my son was there.

If you like camping, have you considered a full-time RV lifestyle? You could follow the seasons and your son. You'd meet some really nice people as a bonus.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

Linmo · ‎12-16-2013

@tarsmom IMO, you should what's best for you and DH based on your personal preferences as well as your financial situation. Enjoy your retirement!

KKWA · ‎08-21-2011

Where is down south? I wouldn't be too hasty about following your son, people re-locate more often now. He could move anytime. I understand why you'd want to leave MI. I think you've got time to think about it for a while. Don't make a rash decision.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@tarsmom Moving is not easy task. I did when I was much younger in my late 30's but I still had to drive around to learn the area (San Francisco). You need to change your driver's license and notifying charges about address change, etc. If you want to move to a warmer climate do so but not necessarily in the state your son is in. If you can, visit areas you really are interested in and then make a decision. You can't build your life around your son and what he is doing. It does not sound like children are involved with your son. If they have children then I say it would be nice to be close to them but only if you really love the area. I hope my two cents helps. Michigan has some beautiful areas. I am in Illinois and believe me glad to be on solid ground. California was shaking too much for me! lol Good luck to you and DH.

kindness is strength

tarsmom · ‎03-21-2010

@Kachina624

funny you should mention RV FT. My DH has brought this up a time or two. We have done some research. I am more of a worrier than he is (what if he passes away, what do I do now??)

But, it definitely is something to think about. We watch lots of Youtube videos and follow a few people on RV forums.

It's a thought

tarsmom · ‎03-21-2010

@KKWA

South? Still looking into it. Several sites say certain towns have high crime and no southern hospitality - not sure if that's true. We're looking at NC,SC, GA and maybe FL (northern part).

Everyone says it's HOT and I know......but cloudy vs. hot? It's VERY cloudy here for months on end in MI. Beautiful during some seasons but it's hit or miss. Whoever picked 10/18/20 for a wedding day because 'it's so pretty in the fall' got a big letdown.

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

I moved on the "living the dream" unreality. Spouse wanted to move to "enjoy" retirement years in sunny FL🙄, golf all day, have no cares. We live in a deed restriction, HOA golf course country club. 😬

The only advice I'd give you is:

-Do your research before you move. I don't golf & much younger than people here -- making friends at this stage is not easy

-Is it what you both want

-Family and friends don't make their decisions based on you- don't make the move for anyone except you!

-Be in a area that will offer you things you enjoy

-The days are long if you don't fill them (at least for me)

After all the years I've been here I still say it's the worse life decision I've ever agreed too!!! Although, financially now that spouse is ill I know I won't have to worry about "keeping my standard of living" if he should pass. (That was one thing he did right!)

tarsmom · ‎03-21-2010

@homedecor1 wrote:
I moved on the "living the dream" unreality. Spouse wanted to move to "enjoy" retirement years in sunny FL🙄, golf all day, have no cares. We live in a deed restriction, HOA golf course country club. 😬

The only advice I'd give you is:

-Do your research before you move. I don't golf & much younger than people here -- making friends at this stage is not easy
-Is it what you both want
-Family and friends don't make their decisions based on you- don't make the move for anyone except you!
-Be in a area that will offer you things you enjoy
-The days are long if you don't fill them (at least for me)

After all the years I've been here I still say it's the worse life decision I've ever agreed too!!! Although, financially now that spouse is ill I know I won't have to worry about "keeping my standard of living" if he should pass. (That was one thing he did right!)

Very good points!

We don't golf either. We rode a Harley for years (20+) but this past year we only rode it twice (he had cancer last year and this year.....well, you know what this year has been like (no group rides, no getting together with people, etc.)

I volunteered at a nursing home for 8+ years. One lady in particular who was a doll, 90 something, said 'honey, I lived in MI and then hubby/I moved to FL - I was happy. Then hubby died and my kids insisted I move back to MI. I'm sorry I did." I haven't forgotten that.

Thank you for your input!! I appreciate it

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

DH and I retired 14 years ago ( China Lake in Mojave desert) knew we didn't want to stay in our small town in the middle of no where so 13 years ago we relocated to mountains of Arizona. We are 10 hrs from our grands (near China Lake) and 4 hrs from one of our sons in Albuquerque. We don't mind driving and grands spend 3-5 mths a year with us and we spend about 6 long weekends with Albuquerque son. In addition , we own shares in a Pismo RV resort (can spend 6 mths a year if we want). We leave our fifth wheel in storage there and call them to move it on site's we've never pulled it and its on the beach thirty minutes from DHs family in Santa Maria. Facebook has been a Godsend to keep in constant contact with friends and family worldwide. You need to do what works for you and that also meets your needs to stay in contact with your family and social circle. We are very happy with our choices and they work within our financial resources.