On 4/23/2014 Raindrop said: I'm hoping for some unbiased opinions on my situation. I know how my friends feel but am seeking more advice even though I know what my gut is telling me but I still have some doubts.
I met Patrick in 2009 on Facebook through a high school friend. We chatted online for a few months. I knew he had been seeing a married woman but thought it was over ( and basically it was) but they were still facebook friends and she was jealous of our interactions online and she friend requested me and he felt he had to tell me they had had a relationship. I found that out from my girlfriend who introduced us. Well then he tells me he has to delete me as a friend because she's being a problem and he'll straighten it out and in a few days we'll be friends again. I didn't hear from him for a year and a half! He was no longer friends with the married woman and he expressed interest in me. BTW I live in New York and he lives in Baltimore. We started talking on the phone every night. He wanted to meet very quickly but I wanted to wait. I ended up getting sicker and sicker and not knowing why. He was instrumental in getting in touch with my friends and letting them know how I should be taken to the hospital. I did go and turns out I was very very anemic, thyroid problems, neuropathy etc. Long story short I was in the hospital and nursing home for 2 /2 months for Physical therapy. He stood by me all that time, called me every night. He wanted to visit me but I didn't want him to see me like that for the first time. I came home December 2012. I needed a while to get stronger and get myself walking better. I couldn't even get down my own steps in my house. I was completely dependent. Slowly I got stronger and now I walk with a cane but suffer sever neuropathy pain.
I decided one day last August I needed to meet him rather than lose him since he had been so patient with me. Still talked every night for hours. I grew to care very much for him. We met and hit it off. We see each other 2 weekends a month for 3 days each weekend. He is divorced and lives in a house next door to his Mom who has health problems.He doesn't pay her rent and doesn't pay gas or electric. He does pay his health benefits. He's a self-employed insurance salesman and doesn't seem to want to work a lot. He eats dinner at his Mom's every night. He owes the IRS money from years ago and has big credit card debt (according to him.) I decided to split the gas and tolls with him every trip and give him $55 every time he comes and in the beginning bought most of the food. Recently he started bringing food and cooking it. He does all the cooking. We got engaged Valentine's Day. The ring he bought me is a joke. So tiny! He showed me the receipt after I asked if he knew how many carats the teeny diamond was. He only spent $215 on the ring.
I have spoken to his Mom a few times on the phone but haven't been invited to his house to meet his Mom or brother. He keeps making excuses why it's not a good time. i try and push him to get me there. Now he says mid-May should be good. Originally he wanted his brother to take his Mom to a restaurant halfway between there and here and not go to her house or his house. I, obviously think he's hiding something by keeping me away from his house. I even said if hi Mom is not up to going out we could bring food to her and she wouldn't have to do a thing. All of a sudden his Mom's house was messy and he needed time to straighten it out. That's supposed to happen soon but I see another excuse coming.
He's very bossy and we can clash sometimes and sometimes things are good. i have lost some of my feelings for him since he doesn't seem to want to do for me what I want - romance and him be willing to spend some money on me. Take me out to dinner, flowers once or twice.....romance! Not just coming to my house and watching movies that I pay for from my cable company. It costs me more than it does him for him to come here. He can be very helpful and supportive when I need him to be but there's more to a relationship than that. My friends could have helped me through the crises that happened since I've known him.
I am housebound 90% of the time. I'm only 48 and he's 58. i would love for him to come here and take me to a decent restaurant but he claims poverty all the time! I want to trust him. I don't know what he does when he's so far away but he knows I'm always home.
Please give honest opinions and don't worry about hurting my feelings. No one can say anything I haven't already thought of.
P.S. I have a friend who has an uncle who is a private eye doing a check on him and should hear any day. I want to know if he;s in such bad debt or just taking money from me and doesn't have to. I want to know what I need to know.
Thank you and so sorry for being so long-winded!
Seriously?
OMG. Red flags all over the place.
Love yourself enough, and respect yourself enough to leave this man NOW.
He is nothing but bad news.
And if you think it's bad now, just you wait until after you are married. It'll only get worse.
Was Yuban, then changed to Plaid Pants due to forum upgrade, and apparently, I'm back to being Yuban.
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