Community Chat

[Still Raining]

On 3/11/2015 RedTop said: I see this as a control issue, and a form of abuse. Your friend needs to open her eyes to this type of manipulation and realize she doesn't have a marriage.

Very well put. It was scary to read that when she comes home from the event that she "has to take the consequences" even though he is not physically abusive. Really??? This type of behavior from an adult.

[missy1]

Op friend must not work. She should see an attorney, without his knowledge, get her ducks in a row and leave.

[Mom2Dogs]

On 3/11/2015 missy1 said:

Op friend must not work. She should see an attorney, without his knowledge, get her ducks in a row and leave.

true...and I have told her the exact same thing about the attorney.......I guess I have said all I can say to her, she has to make the decision to 'make the move'. Thanks everyone!

[Snowpuppy]

I'm not suggesting being a heartless *B* nor was I suggesting leaving.

I've seen so many women who revolve their entire life around their DH and when he dies or they divorce, they have no one and nothing.

Your friend should ask "we have an invitation to....." "would you like to attend"? "No, well, I'll be attending and should be back by 10". Sweet, simple, to the point.

If he controls the purse strings she should have an emergency nest egg.

[ROMARY]

Wives should always try to have some sort of nest egg. I know, it's difficult if/when they haven't previously worked out of the home. Maybe young women should work, save a bit of money before marriage. Keep the account in their own name. Just for a degree of independence. Wishing your friend the best. Personally, I would just go out, do her own thing, cheerfully. Try not to 'beg' her husband to go anywhere with her. Begging possibly gives him a feeling of power, I'm only thinking.

[Anniecamp]

I agree with Snowpuppy and Romary on this situation. The "silent treatment" only works because the friend lets it work. It's the "payoff" for the husband's pout, when she gets guilty or reacts to it. She should just go to the events, without judging him for not going, as Snowpuppy suggested. This will either escalate as far as events go, or he'll give up the pout when it's no longer rewarding to him. She can then start to figure out more, what the relationship situation is, and perhaps go from there.

[Chrystaltree2]

Butt out. If you have to say something, suggest couples counselling and if he nixes the idea, she should see a counsellor alone.

[ROMARY]

I'm thinking that maybe the friend should find a part-time job as soon as the children are school age. Maybe work from 9 or 10am to, say, 2pm. That way, the friend will have her own spending money. I'm guessing that she is having to ask for spending money from her hubby right now. Only guessing.

[Mom2Dogs]

On 3/12/2015 Chrystaltree said:

Butt out. If you have to say something, suggest couples counselling and if he nixes the idea, she should see a counsellor alone.

..counseling has been suggested.....I only comment when she brings it up and try to say as little as possible......

The ball is in her court, she needs to make a move or continue to live with it, when she is REALLY TIRED of his antics maybe she will leave. Making that move at 60+ is not easy.