Question regarding friend with marriage issue

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

A friend....NOT ME!...has a husband who is at most times angry with someone...the wife is always in the middle, be it friends or family. This has been going on for years. It is difficult to give someone advice especially when it comes to their marriage so I try to stay out of it and just let her vent, but can some one give me advice...or offer up their experience...how do you 'pick' between your husband and your kids? If there is an event and he is angry with that person would you go to the event and let your husband sulk and take the consequences (he is not physically abusive) when you get home or stay home and be miserable but he is happy you didn't go?

Please constructive advice only......and almost always the husband is making a mountain out of a mole hill...but try telling him that. I have also mentioned medication...he should see someone and discuss his issues but he refuses.

esmeraldagooch · ‎03-10-2010

My niece chooses to leave hubby home and goes with the kids. We all feel for her but he made his choice and after a short time we don't notice and don't miss him. He's golfing and she's doing family things.

esmeraldagooch · ‎03-10-2010

Unless you know this person very well, I would let her figure this out.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

On 3/11/2015 esmeraldagooch said:
Unless you know this person very well, I would let her figure this out.

Yes I know her well......many, many years. We have been thru a lot together.

NC Bandwagon · ‎05-03-2014

Hello, momtodogs. Smile

I'm no expert on this type of thing, but how about a compromise?

Maybe the wife can tell her husband, "if you go along with this, we can stop off at your favorite restaurant on the way back and you can get anything you want." Or, "honey, go along with this and I'll cook you the biggest, juiciest steak you've ever seen." (if he likes steak that is)

~Nick Chavez is my favorite vendor on QVC and Alberti Popaj is my favorite QVC host.~
Nick Chavez now has his own sub-forum under the My Favorite Brand folder

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

Sounds like hubby has not grown up yet. Pout/sulk and other such words. Men usually do not get like this overnight, unless of course there is a physical or mental reason. Most of them more than likely have been this way for years, maybe even decades.

I worked with all men for over 25 years and it was very easy for me to spot the ones that went directly from "mommy to wife", with little or no being independent in between "mommy and wife". If he will not go to joint consultation, my suggestion would be to go alone, if is a BIG issue. Men seldom change if they have been this way for ages.

What would I personally do? Let him sulk/pout and do her best to ignore him by keeping busy in a different part of the house. These kind of men really tick me off and I had many heated debates with my male co-workers because I told they were acting like babies. This is my male perspective on these types of issues.

hckynut(john)

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

hckynut...you are pretty much right on....he has been this way for years. Her marriage vows are keeping her from divorcing him and he controls the very full purse strings.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I see this as a control issue, and a form of abuse. Your friend needs to open her eyes to this type of manipulation and realize she doesn't have a marriage.

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

On 3/11/2015 RedTop said: I see this as a control issue, and a form of abuse. Your friend needs to open her eyes to this type of manipulation and realize she doesn't have a marriage.

Exactly. My ex-BIL was always upset at someone. My sister gave up all her friends and basically went to work and straight home. If she went out on the w/e to run errands or visit family, she had to be home at a certain time or she got the silent treatment. There was no talking her about getting out. Finally he asked for a divorce. Shocked us all, but we were so thankful. She never would have left because of the children, both teenagers. She's been out over a year now and can now see how bad it was. Best advice to your friend is they should seek counseling. He probably won't go. Then she needs to decide, can I live like this or not?

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

On 3/11/2015 momtodogs said:
hckynut...you are pretty much right on....he has been this way for years. Her marriage vows are keeping her from divorcing him and he controls the very full purse strings.

It's not her vows, it's the purse strings that keep her there. Been there, done that.

I'll be blunt. Your friend needs to grow a pair and lead her own life. If she wants to attend events without him she should. I doubt that he'll miss her or miss the event.

She needs to keep a few bucks to herself. Or one day she may find herself on the street with no where to go. Ask me about how I know.