Community Chat

[lovesallanimals]

Thank you for all your kind words.  We were together for 35 years and he was everything to me.  I think I will continue to wear it for now as it has only been 3 months.  In my heart and soul he is still my husband.  I had the best of the best and there will never be anyone to fill his shoes,nor do I want there to be.  I will give it time but eventually, maybe after 1 year, I will wear it on a chain around my neck.

[BunSnoop]

@lovesallanimals , my husband passed away 2 months ago.  I totally understand everything you said.   The only thing that has helped me is to be kept busy constantly.  I have lots and lots of hubby's "stuff" to sort, purge, etc.  However, once I stop doing things I'm a mess too. 

It's hard being in public.  Everyone around me seems to be so happy - talking and laughing.  I feel so alone.  I've ate out a fast food restaurants only a couple of times and it was so difficult to eat alone. 

My mother-in-law gave to me the beautiful diamond ring I wear on my wedding finger before she passed away.  I had my wedding set made into a cocktail ring and I wear it on my right hand.  I plan to always wear both rings.  I feel that I'm still married to my husband and I will feel that way until the day I die.

Hugs to you!   

[nevergivesup]

@lovesallanimals I'm so very sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself and know that many of us are sending you prayers of love and support.

[lovesallanimals]

BunSnoop -  I am so sorry for your loss.  Being in the same situation as I am in, you fully understand what I am going through.  I have only donated clothing he did not care for and never wore, some of the items are brand new but they will go for a good cause.  All his other things I cannot part with yet, maybe after a year grace period.  I have to keep busy, once I sit still I break down.  It is new for both of us and like you, he will always be my husband and this is something that we will never completely get over.  I wish there was such a thing as a "Widows" grief support group.  I live in Queens, NY and there is nothing.  I do not want zoom, I want to sit with people in a group to relate to.  

[Somertime]

@lovesallanimals I have never had my wedding ring off since the day my husband put it on my finger.  I find comfort in wearing it and have no intention of ever taking it off.  He has been gone over five years and grief is different for everyone.  Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and the tears just flow.  I get a lot of joy talking about him,  I treasure the memories I have and the life we shared.  I met him when I was 20 years old and I am 78, now.  Do I miss him, each and every hour of each and every day.  I am so very proud to be his wife, it is a mantle I wear with dignity.  I am his wife and I, always, will be.

If your husband wore PJ, wear the top when you go to sleep or one of his T shirts and sleep in it.  This is what my mother did and she received a lot of comfort from it.  She said it was if his arms were wrapped around her.  She would sometimes wear his robe or even one of his casual shirts around the house during the day.  It might give you some comfort. 

[OKPrincess]

@lovesallanimals 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. 

You will know when you're ready to make changes concerning rings and other personal effects as there is no time limit.

[shoesnbags]

I lost my husband 13 months ago. I wore my wedding set for months but couldn't have removed the rings if I wanted to because my knuckle is enlarged from arthritis. I finally had the rings cut off by a jeweler and resized the engagement ring to wear on my right hand. I kept the wedding band as it was and it now sits on a heart shaped dish with my husband's wedding band encircling it. It comforts me to see them together like that. 

[River Song]

@lovesallanimals ,

Regarding an in-person widows grief support group, have you checked with Hospice of New York.  Their website says it services Queens.  My first husband died in a car accident thirty-six years ago and my local hospice offered a widows grief support group.  In fact, they offered a young widows support group as there were about eight of us widows that were in our 30's and had different issues than widows in their 60's and older.  My point being, spouses didn't have to be in hospice in order for their widows to take advantage of the hospice's grief support group.

My second husband died over five years ago and I still wear my wedding rings.  It took me a while to slowly get rid of his clothes, a couple of years.  I still have a couple of his shirts I can't get rid of yet.  My sister, on the other hand, got rid of her late husband's stuff PDQ.  There's no right or wrong way, do what is comfortable for you.

I had my diamond solitaire engagement ring from my first marriage set into a pendant and I wear my wedding band on my right hand.  I wear my wedding bands from my second marriage on my left hand.  

[smoochy]

if you're looking for a wonderful support group that meets in person, I recommend Griefshare. Its a 13 week program.I attended it after my son died. It was very helpful. Google griefshare dot org to find locations for upcoming meetings in your area

[kathybnc2]

II am very sorry for your loss.  It's so hard to lose your spouse.  I've been a widow for 18 years.   There is no right answer to your question uestion and in time you will know what is right for you.  Even after 18 years I still wear my wedding ring.  I feel like it's a part of me.  I have had no desire to search out another person or companion and have made peace with being by myself.  As others have said everyone grieves in their own way.  There is no right or wrong way.  It doesn't seem so now, but you will be ok.  Please post again if there is anything the folks here can do to help or answer questions or concerns you might encounter.  Sending hugs.