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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,028
Registered: ‎04-03-2016
Any advice as to where to begin and proceed? Helping out of town daughter and would appreciate advice, name of good books, etc.
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,934
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

The absolute first thing to do is put together a budget and vow to stick to it. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,052
Registered: ‎08-25-2010

ITA with @gizmogal about the budget. I’d add that you make sure it’s realistic for the wedding locale (ie, NYC vs Smalltown, USA) and that it’s realistic for your or the couple’s finances. It’s very hard to keep wedding decisions objective, but things can snowball out of control pretty quickly. It’s becoming more common for the groom’s family to cover the costs for requests that exceed your guest list or budget. Finally, many wedding/reception venues have strict rules for the number of guests, hours for the event, etc. The financial penalty for exceeding these rules can be pretty steep, so be sure you read the fine print before signing on the dotted line. Good luck!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Know what you can spend, and stick to it. Don't go into debt, or just head on down to the justice of the peace.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,902
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@TwinsMom: Congrats- Exciting!

Budget first, last and always. Prioritize saves and splurges.

DS was married last summer. They kept to a strict budget. Friday evening was much less money for their desired venue, so that determined wedding date. Splurged on a high quality, live band.  Brides parents splurged on flowers (wow!), Bride saved on a gorgeous second hand gown.

Bride, groom and parents must prioritize what they want and how much they are willing to spend to get it. Start on the guest list now. The more time to plan, the better.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,278
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

We will be in the same situation soon.  Poor guy is getting up the nerve to ask us, I can tell he's so close to asking and then kind of shies away.  I mean it's not like we're ogres or anything!

 

We have decided that we will give them a check to do with what they wish, pay for the dress and that's it.  We aren't paying for the entire shindig - the guest list is too lopsided and I'm not inviting people just for the sake of evening things up.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,088
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Keep to a budget for sure.  Remind the bride that this is a day to celebrate a life commitment, not show off.  Keep expectations reasonable.  Invite only those people you really want there.  You are not obligated to invite everyone your've ever had contact with.  This includes family.  STAY CALM!  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Try to keep it low key and classy.  Just because you can go wild doesn’t mean you should

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Planning Wedding

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I have planned weddings for three daughters....the first thing I did was buy a copy of Modern Bride or Bride magazine.... your daughter should buy the same issue and you can use it for ideas that you can talk about while you look at the same thing....some are also available online as well. It has many checklists in it and you can use any of them that you find helpful.  The date and venue need to be decided first....and the date can be the most difficult due to work schedules and availability of venue. Stay connected with your daughter and let her assign you tasks rather than taking over and doing everything without her input. It is such a happy time....enjoy and don't stress. 

Hard to give much specific advice without knowing if your daughter is a working professional or a young college student. Is she contributing toward the cost of the wedding or are you doing it all? That will decide the budget...stay within your budget but leave a little extra for emergencies and unforeseen costs.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,916
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

You begin with the budget.  You absolutely begin with how much money you have to work with.  No a dream figure, not a maybe figure but solid we have  $xxx dollars to spend on this wedding.

 

Please define "helping out" because you have to KNOW precisly what your daughter wants you to do.  It's her wedding even if you are paying for it.  After you know the $$$ situation, then you have to sit down with her (and notebook) and work out what type of wedding she wants.  Because obviously, you can only move forward if you know what she wants in a wedding and how she wants you to help.  You have to keep a notebook because it's busy time, an emotional time and having things in writing will keep you both on the same page.

 

There are millions of wedding planning books out.  Too numberous to count.  They cover small weddings, huge weddings and everything in between.  There are also wedding etiquette books.  You can find them on Amazon or any bookstore.