Pending holiday......gloom and doom - Page 2

violann · ‎03-10-2010

A year of contrasts here- a sad loss last Spring, but new homes and secure jobs for all 4 of my DSs & DDILs. SO- NEW traditions, new faces, new expectations. Ready for some tears, hoping for lots of smiles.

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

If it bothers you that much just don't participate. I just find it all so entertaining and sit back and watch the fun!! Once some found they could not get to me they left me alone and concentrated on those they could get to with their dysfunction.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

I think this holiday season will be bad for merchants and retailers. People are too worried about the economy and the future.

saywhen · ‎04-28-2010

Thanks for input that gives me some direction to make the best of holidays ahead. Plan to be selective about exposure to toxic people. As my DH keeps reminding me a bully can only do their thing with your permission. As a family, we have allowed that abuse thinking we have to tolerate it to be polite! Nuts to that! Hope we all can make the best of days ahead. I have just received help from absolute strangers to deal with the people I should feel closest to--- many thanks again.

goodstuff · ‎03-09-2010

I went through it for years with DH's dysfunctional family -- until we decided we'd no longer host Turkey Day in our home! What a brilliant decision that was! We took his difficult widowed mom and two brothers (one emotionally handicapped and the other a totally out-of-control alcoholic) out to a restaurant for the holiday, ate, and then everyone went back to their own homes afterwards. Maybe an hour or an hour and a half, and the annual ordeal was over! If things got bad at the restaurant (which they usually didn't) we could just say our farewells when we were ready. No more long afternoons with miserable people hanging around our house quarreling and grousing.

Yes, hosting a restaurant meal costs a bit extra (although we didn't go overboard -- just a nice family-style restaurant with a traditional turkey dinner), but the freedom from strife and anxiety was more than worth the cost. After the dinner, we went home alone to take a nap, enjoy a glass of wine, and maybe watch some football. What bliss! Sometimes I cook a turkey dinner for our daughters on another day, and we have a wonderful time together then without the problem people.

If you're attending T. dinner in someone else's home and it's miserable for you......just OPT OUT and cook your own quiet dinner at home or enjoy a meal in a restaurant. You really don't have to agree to be a part of the misery. Sometimes it's time to opt out of family dysfunction.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I can honestly say, NO. That's not to say that I have a perfect family, our family has it's "issues". Most families do. But my siblings and I are in our 40's and 50's now. We all have adult children. Our parents are no longer with us. We accept each other, warts and all, for who we are. We've learned over the years (especially after our mom passed) to put our old resentments/jealousies/hurts/anger away. We let it all go. When we get togther now during the holidays, we just enjoy each other's company, we reminisce together, we enjoy good food and few drinks and avoid letting anyone "push our buttons". I think at a point in your life you have to accept that you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to those people.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

I don't know how my DH's family does it. Eleven kids in his family and everyone is welcome (even to the point of ex-spouses making appearances at family gatherings). The way my DH explained it to me, his parents stressed kindness and not being judgmental, so even if there is something irritating, they just shrug it off.

kingtut · ‎12-31-2010

I will be alone again this year -- I do live in a retirement community which provides the meals -- but it sure is hard. Never married so have no children -- only one brother who lives about 200 miles away and has one child. I can no longer drive and probably will never see any family member again.

Another problem I think at this season is simply the lack of light -- some of us have depression at this time also.

Have dreaded the holidays most of my life. vc

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

On 11/10/2014 kingtut said:
I will be alone again this year -- I do live in a retirement community which provides the meals -- but it sure is hard. Never married so have no children -- only one brother who lives about 200 miles away and has one child. I can no longer drive and probably will never see any family member again.

Another problem I think at this season is simply the lack of light -- some of us have depression at this time also.

Have dreaded the holidays most of my life. vc

Many of us will be your QVC friends so keep posting. I hope that you can get together with others in the community for a meal or two over the holidays.