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Honored Contributor
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Super Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010
Very true. I really need to learn this though and remember it. I always feel obligated to explain “why” and it really isn’t mandatory or necessary.
Honored Contributor
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As my mom always said, " no means no."

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
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Esteemed Contributor
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Registered: ‎02-19-2014

I like, "No." Woman Sad "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't. I'm so sorry." Then change the subject.

 

Know why I can't? Cause I don't want to. And I genuinely cannot allow myself to do things I truly do not wish to do -- just because someone else wants it. But I don't say that part out loud.

 

Full disclosure: I only have the guts to do this with people I am not related to and who do not pay me. With those other folks I get very indirect and ask a lot of questions to hopefully lead them to the reasons why what they want is a bad idea. Then I only put my foot down if I have to.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr
Honored Contributor
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@Wilma7500 wrote:

5C281B95-4783-410D-9DD3-0129BB068298.jpeg


@Wilma7500 

 

Understanding this and being able to use it in real life is very important. 

 

If you find you are not not able to do this, I highly recommend writing yourself a script and practicing saying it. 

Super Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-05-2014

no.jpg

 

 

Honored Contributor
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My daughter is in an organization where she teaches other women to navigate the business world. She owned her own business and sold it very similar situation to the past owner of IT cosmetics. Over the years, she taught me it is OK to say no without explanation. It is still difficult but I am a work in progress...

Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎05-23-2015

I gave a glib answer before, but I have experience with this dilemma. In my younger days I was what they call a people pleaser, add to this I was quite shy. One day someone asked me to do something that I reall, really didn't want to do. I just smiled and said NO. They badgered me for a while , but all I said was no, and kept smiling. After that it became easier, and I was a happier human. 

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,655
Registered: ‎06-29-2010

It appears that many housholds don't teach their children (especially teens) that "NO" means "NO".  So many adult immature people don't understand that as well. 

 

My experience growing up through the years was that people interpreted 'No" as a rejection of them or of 'self'.  Teen boys don't want to hear "No" especially from females.  They then become stalkers, vandalizers, assault others, etc.  Society suffers as a result.  

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust
Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I'm a fan of just saying "No" in certain situations, especially potentially dangerous ones or with strangers.

 

But in everyday life with people I know, I prefer to qualify that "no" because it sounds too terse,


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland