Community Chat

[wilma]

[mamaslittlepotato]

Very true. I really need to learn this though and remember it. I always feel obligated to explain “why” and it really isn’t mandatory or necessary.

[QVCkitty1]

As my mom always said, " no means no."

[Porcelain]

I like, "No."  "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't. I'm so sorry." Then change the subject.

Know why I can't? Cause I don't want to. And I genuinely cannot allow myself to do things I truly do not wish to do -- just because someone else wants it. But I don't say that part out loud.

Full disclosure: I only have the guts to do this with people I am not related to and who do not pay me. With those other folks I get very indirect and ask a lot of questions to hopefully lead them to the reasons why what they want is a bad idea. Then I only put my foot down if I have to.

[willdob3]

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@wilma wrote:

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@wilma 

Understanding this and being able to use it in real life is very important. 

If you find you are not not able to do this, I highly recommend writing yourself a script and practicing saying it. 

[masque]

[Trinity11]

My daughter is in an organization where she teaches other women to navigate the business world. She owned her own business and sold it very similar situation to the past owner of IT cosmetics. Over the years, she taught me it is OK to say no without explanation. It is still difficult but I am a work in progress...

[QVCkitty1]

I gave a glib answer before, but I have experience with this dilemma. In my younger days I was what they call a people pleaser, add to this I was quite shy. One day someone asked me to do something that I reall, really didn't want to do. I just smiled and said NO. They badgered me for a while , but all I said was no, and kept smiling. After that it became easier, and I was a happier human. 

[Puzzle Piece]

It appears that many housholds don't teach their children (especially teens) that "NO" means "NO".  So many adult immature people don't understand that as well. 

My experience growing up through the years was that people interpreted 'No" as a rejection of them or of 'self'.  Teen boys don't want to hear "No" especially from females.  They then become stalkers, vandalizers, assault others, etc.  Society suffers as a result.  

[suzyQ3]

I'm a fan of just saying "No" in certain situations, especially potentially dangerous ones or with strangers.

But in everyday life with people I know, I prefer to qualify that "no" because it sounds too terse,