Re: Need help with engagement party present

Vamp · ‎04-14-2010

On 11/3/2014 Dumac said:
I guess i need to provide some more details and see if this makes a difference...The couple was supposed to get married and this party was a wedding celebration..(they both live in this state right now although hours away).so my friend booked the caterer and venue..then the couple decides to get married after the holidays on the west coast (home of the bride) and it will be small--just a judge and family...so now my friend is stuck with all the plans for the party so she is calling it an engagement party...we are not going to the wedding--haven't been invited nor would we go if we were...we are not that close to the couple since they live a ways away from here where my friend, the groom's mother, lives...so do we gift them as if this were a wedding party?? and i fully agree that it is beyond tacky to ask for cash, but i suppose the etiquette times are changing!!!!

Wow. Sounds like a very inconsiderate and self-serving couple! ${#emotions_dlg.angry}$ Etiquette hasn't changed much, but there are plenty of people out there who are either ignorant or just don't care.

As for rules of what you should give, that is entirely up to you. If you want to give them a cash gift, I would give them $50, but that's just me. I would probably give more if I was actually invited to the wedding, but since you're not, I wouldn't spend more than that. I'm not saying $50 is the magic number--it's just what I would give if I were in your situation. You can give more or less as you see fit, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over whatever you decide. Just do it and be done with it.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

OP, this makes a bit more sense in that you clearly want this to be cordial, out of consideration of your friendship, and not so much on behalf of the happy couple and their wedding that wasn't. In as much as this gift appears to be in lieu of a wedding present, I'd suggest you know better than any of us your circumstances, those of your friend and what you can afford to give without denying yourself or breaking the bank, which is what I'd do via cash or a gift card. Should you, down the road, get an announcement from the happy couple that appears to be a veiled request for another gift, I'd either ignore it or promptly send a card expressing best wishes with absolutely nothing inside.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Dumac · ‎09-30-2010

On 11/3/2014 stevieb said:
OP, this makes a bit more sense in that you clearly want this to be cordial, out of consideration of your friendship, and not so much on behalf of the happy couple and their wedding that wasn't. In as much as this gift appears to be in lieu of a wedding present, I'd suggest you know better than any of us your circumstances, those of your friend and what you can afford to give without denying yourself or breaking the bank, which is what I'd do via cash or a gift card. Should you, down the road, get an announcement from the happy couple that appears to be a veiled request for another gift, I'd either ignore it or promptly send a card expressing best wishes with absolutely nothing inside.

Stevieb, Thanks for the sage advice....you've helped solve my dilemma.....