Need help with engagement party present - Page 2

luvdoodles · ‎06-19-2010

That was kind of rude of them to ask for anything. Never the less, we went to an engagement party this Summer. They did not ask for anything. It was just a celebration. Everything was on the house from the parents. We did give them a gift certificate to a restaurant and her thank you note said it was one of their favorites. I would go if I were you, but don't feel obliged to bring a gift or money. A card would be just fine.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

I have never been to an engagement party. They just don't have them here. A venue for this? Gifts too? How if the couple splits? A card should do.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

Is this in lieu of a wedding present, in addition to, or merely a way to maximize the take, if all those invited to the party aren't invited to the wedding...? I guess that since this is your dear friend you have to attend, but I'm afraid I have no pearls of wisdom. Like others, I think implying a gift of money is appropriate at an engagement party (or elsewhere for that matter), well, isn't...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

abbeythe 8th · ‎04-17-2010

If this were my dear friend I'd have a conversation with her. I'd tell her whenever you attended engagement parties before, token gifts were given. I'd tell her you are at a loss of what is considered an appropriate amount of money.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

On 11/1/2014 stevieb said:
Is this in lieu of a wedding present, in addition to, or merely a way to maximize the take, if all those invited to the party aren't invited to the wedding...? I guess that since this is your dear friend you have to attend, but I'm afraid I have no pearls of wisdom. Like others, I think implying a gift of money is appropriate at an engagement party (or elsewhere for that matter), well, isn't...

I would hope they would all be invited the wedding. If not, so TACKY!! Nice getting invited to a bridal shower, but not the wedding. Or just the wedding ceremony, but not the reception. It's all about gifts, or trying to recoup the wedding costs.

lulu2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 11/2/2014 abbeythe8th said:
If this were my dear friend I'd have a conversation with her. I'd tell her whenever you attended engagement parties before, token gifts were given. I'd tell her you are at a loss of what is considered an appropriate amount of money.

This a great suggestion.

I would not worry about putting your friend in an awkward position. She has to know engagement parties are not given for the couples financial gain.

TaxyLady · ‎05-26-2011

This is not an engagement party if they have been living together. It is just a party. I would think and hope the invitations would say ""no gifts."" If it doesn't I would call it a tackless grubfest. Maybe they need money and that is why they are having this party. They would not be getting any of mine.

Dumac · ‎09-30-2010

I guess i need to provide some more details and see if this makes a difference...The couple was supposed to get married and this party was a wedding celebration..(they both live in this state right now although hours away).so my friend booked the caterer and venue..then the couple decides to get married after the holidays on the west coast (home of the bride) and it will be small--just a judge and family...so now my friend is stuck with all the plans for the party so she is calling it an engagement party...we are not going to the wedding--haven't been invited nor would we go if we were...we are not that close to the couple since they live a ways away from here where my friend, the groom's mother, lives...so do we gift them as if this were a wedding party?? and i fully agree that it is beyond tacky to ask for cash, but i suppose the etiquette times are changing!!!!

TaxyLady · ‎05-26-2011

That sheds some light on the situation. I would go, if you want, and treat it like any other party. I don't think gifts are warranted or should even be suggested.

I honestly don't think engagement parties are for gifts, but rather an announcement to friends. Usually, in society, the couple would not be having an engagement party when they have been living together.

Gifts are usually given to couples that are leaving their families to join in marriage. The couple usually need things to get started in life together. Anything other than this is just giving people money for no real purpose.

goodstuff · ‎03-09-2010

On 11/1/2014 BlueCollarBabe said:
I would not attend. I would send a card congratulating them. Generally an engagement party is about the couple presenting themselves to their friends and family as about to be marrieds. If any gifts are given at all they are small. As someone else said, a picture frame, a bottle of wine. Asking for $$ on this occasion is beyond tacky. There will be a wedding shower and the wedding itself for giving gifts.

I can't add to or improve on this post. I have no respect for wedding couples who ask for money or specific gifts. Tacky, presumptuous, low class. Doing so at an engagement gathering is even worse. I'd send them a card and be done with it.