NO MATTER WHAT, YOU HAVE TO KEEP LAUGHING

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

1. I told my therapist I broke my arm in 2 places. He told me to stop going to those places.

2. Just had the following experience in a job interview;

The Interviewer: "Describe yourself in one word."

Me: Hired

2nd Interviewer: "Can he do that?"

3. Some people call me immature but I recently finished a 700 page book in only 4 days. I really love coloring in.

4. Just had this conversation in a restaurant:

Waiter: Can I take your order sir, and kids eat free today. Me: Oh well, in that case I'll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster, a 15 oz steak and a small bottle of Champagne please.

5. Apparently when someone messages you a picture of their new baby it's offensive to send a message back saying, "Better luck next time."

6. Loving my new mp car horn I've recently installed. It's amazing how much quicker people get out of your way when they hear gun shots.

7. The following conversation happened after calling the police:

Police: What is your emergency?

Me: Two girls are fighting over me.

Police: OK, and what's the problem?

Me: The fat one is winning.

8. I remember in the old days when people would

get mad if you read their diary. Now people put everything online and get mad if don't read it.

9. Can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now.

10. Went to the doctor yesterday and told him that everytime I drink coffee I get a pain in my right eye. He advised me to remember to take the spoon out of the cup.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam