Community Chat

[Anonymous032819]

I finally feel ready to clear out my Dad's stuff.

It's been 14 months since he passed, and I don't feel as emotionally attached to most of the things that he had.

I'm starting to see it as just "stuff".

I couldn't do it last year because I was still grieving.

But now, I don't know, but I think that I'm finally ready to move forward.

When my mom passed in December of 2000, Dad was ready to clean out her stuff within weeks.

I wasn't ready to depart with her belongings, but Dad didn't attach emotions to stuff.

He always said that the memories are in you, and not the object, and he was right.

So today I spent shredding his papers, and boy did he have a lot of it!

I love the man to no end, but he never threw away a bill, a document, any piece of paper, some going as far back as the 70's.

I have a confetti cut shredder, and I shredded old bills, documents for houses that were bought and sold, blank checks for old, now closed checking accounts.

I got a lot shredded today, but I still have a lot more to shred.

It's a start.

[Shanus]

@Anonymous032819   Everyone's ready at different times. No one can tell you when you can part with a loved ones belongings. My Mom started sorting through Dad's papers and clothing within a few months, but I found some items that reminded me of him that I needed to keep. I have his glasses, bottle of aftershave, keychain and wallet My photo was still in the first slot. 

When Mom passed last year, we only had three months to clear her things out of her apartment. We kept what we wanted to remember, donated some and sold other things. 

Just because you're parting with your Dad's belongings, remember he'll always be with you in your memories and in your heart. 💕

[qualitygal]

I still have some that in time needs to be shredded.  I'm waiting 7 yrs on some and some I'll keep at least for 10 yrs.  It's kind of hard to go through the boxes, but I keep trying, a little at a time.  I think there's a bit of the final sign-off so to speak.  I'm not dragging my feet on it, just want to be safe in case of any future need for some of the financial info.  I don't expect it, just wanting to be sure.  

[ninjawife]

@Anonymous032819  You think going back to the 70s is a long time, my FIL kept every document, bill etc. from the day he married my MIL in 1959.  He also kept a record of every gallon of gas he bought and how many miles he got on every fill up.

[jellyBEAN]

Yes, its a hard thing to do.  To go thru the belongings.  Paper is paper though.  I've heard from some of my friends whose parents have passed that they saved EVERY piece of paper for 50 some years.  Had to go thru every piece and dispose - time consuming.

One thing I meant to have kept that was my Dad's was his watch.  After my Mom passed and I was clearing out "stuff" I had a box of costume jewelry and doo dads  that I put out for a garage sale.  My Dad's old watch was in that box.  I remember thinking I wanted to keep it, but then I thought, its just another thing and I left it in the box with all the other old trinkets.  Oh, how I wish I kept that watch of his.  I still think about it all these years later.

Anyway, paper is paper.  Feels good to clear that out but don't be surprised if you come across some things that do hold memories.  I still hold a large bin w/my Mom's papers.  Lots of old hospital bills, insurance billings, selling of her home documents, etc....I'm sort of afraid to get rid of anything like that as its been only 4 years now and I know they say the last 7 years is the period in question if something arises. 

[LindaSal]

I cannot stand clutter so I would dispose of things sooner rather than later, barring anything with personal attachment of course.  I agree that some paperwork may need to be kept for awhile regarding taxes and property but other than that it's just a fire hazard.

IMO, it is harder to hold on to everything for me.  For instance when my cat Perry passed I made my husband put everything away the same day where it could not be seen, his litter box , food bowls, toys, as I just couldn't bear the sight of it.  

[vermint]

@Anonymous032819  Everyone has their own timetable for grieving...you can't rush it, you can't change it, it's YOUR timetable. Getting rid of old papers is a good start.

When my mom died in 2009, my dad left immediately after the funeral to stay with my brother--who lives 2 hours away--for a couple of weeks. He told us he wanted all mom's personal things out by the time he got back, so my aunt & I took care of it (not a big problem for us--neither of us are very sentimental). I took mom's jewelry home with me with the intent of dividing it up among the granddaughters...but was really surprised to find that I just couldn't do it right away! It was several months before I got around to it, but at that point I was ready. I did keep some really cheap costume jewelry in a little plastic box for a few more years. Never looked at, just liked knowing it was there!

[FS74]

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@ninjawife wrote:

@Anonymous032819  You think going back to the 70s is a long time, my FIL kept every document, bill etc. from the day he married my MIL in 1959.  He also kept a record of every gallon of gas he bought and how many miles he got on every fill up.

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Sounds like my parents. Dad died over 20 years ago and mom just moved into an assisted living. I had to clean her house for sale and the paperwork they had dated back to 1956. Tax receipts, cancelled checks, utility bills, you name it they kept it. They even had old deeds from my grandmothers house that was sold decades ago. I thought I was going to burn up my shredder after all was said and done.

[software]

I feel for you, my parents passed within weeks of each other after a short illness.

They were still living in their own home and it was like the rapture, everything was the way they left it in that moment.   What a job.   Both my husband and I had recently had surgery, it was a difficult job but a necessary one.   It's never easy. I'm an only child

But when my husband passed, I had the hardest time with his things, still do.

His closet is still just as he left it.   I've had the hardest time letting go, he is still in my dreams like he never left.   He's been gone 7 years.  He's my soulmate & I adored him, it was mutual.

[jellyBEAN]

My post is a little off topic, but after reading the feelings of others it might be appropriate.

My brother was killed in an accident when he was just 21.  My parents were still alive, I was living out of state and my other brother was married.  I never knew the serious deep pain my Mom and Dad felt when they lost their son.  Of course, I know losing a child or a sibling is tough stuff, but years later as I was clearing out the family house, I found hand written letters and some typed ones my Father had written about the loss of my brother.  Oh gosh, they were tear jerkers.  I also found they had kept all of my brothers sympathy cards, funeral registry names, the closing out of his personal business stuff - all was kept in the back of a closet.

I just never truly realized the HURT my Dad felt after all that had happened.  My Mom did too, but my Dad put it in writing.  Now I'm wondering if I filed all that in an old album I put together on the family.  Do I dare dig thru that to find the letters?  and read them again?  Gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it.