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Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,576
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Musings........

I'm a slob when I eat.  There, I said it...it's out there now...on the internet for all of eternity.

 

Phew!  I feel so much better...

 

I've mentioned before that I eat out with a friend (another widow) at least 4 times a week.  They aren't places like McDonalds, but they aren't the Ritz Carlton either.

 

I have always been a very specific food person.  I order things very specifically.  If it doesn't come like that, I just can't eat it.

 

OK, so I just finished eating a bacon and tomato sandwich.  The bread was toasted with mayonnaise on it.  I cut the sandwich in four pieces.  It was delicious.

 

I went to get up and looked down at my shirt.  There was juice from the tomatoes all over it.  Then I felt something under my neck....(you guessed it)...pieces of bacon and tomato seeds (it was a juicy tomato).

 

Good grief!  I feel like I need to go shower.

 

I always tell my friend I eat with, "How do you stand sitting across from me while I'm eating?"  

 

She always laughs and says, "Sometimes, I do have to admit it looks like a mouse has been eating off of your plate.  You divide up your sandwich.  You don't eat the crust.  You tell them exactly how you want your food, but then you pick some of it off".

 

I must have a 'poor me' look on my face because she'll start laughing and say, "Go in the bathroom...look in the mirror.  You have something between your teeth.  In the corner of your mouth you have a dot of cheese from the Nachos.  On your blouse there are some kind of stains...unidentifiable..even though we ate the same thing and your top was clean when you sat down!"

 

I know I'm not a messy person.  If anything, I'm overly clean (I've been told I'm a germ-a-phobe).  I always smell like hand sanitizer!

 

I think I've figured out my problem...there's a hole in my mouth!  Yes!  There's a hole in my mouth...

 

But if that's true...why do I gain weight?  If there's a hole and the food isn't going in there (but all over me) then why am I still fat?

 

OK, ladies, your task for next week is to figure out how I manage to leave my food everywhere....but in my mouth.

 

How do I still manage to stay fat even though a lot of it ends up everywhere but in my stomach?

 

I've got to go get in the shower.  I can't go to bed with bacon under my neck.  I think I smell like bacon because Bill the cat keeps nuzzling me and I don't think it's because he's being affectionate.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,636
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Musings........

@Annabellethecat   You  crack me up😄😆 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,295
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Musings........

LOL! my wine bottles have a hole in them.  They always empty out very quickly.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,842
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Musings........

Sounds like you are a frustrated writer, not a slob.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,167
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Musings........

Eating with my husband is 'something' like eathing with you @Annabellethecat ....the messiest place at the table is where he sat....and when he spills on himself, it always seems to be a sauce, tomato based or something greasy....me, I rarely spill....I eat like I paint....rarely a drop of paint on me either.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,126
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Musings........

My other half is a happy, but messy, eater. By the time he’s done there are crumpled napkins and crumbs all over the table. I tease him “I can’t take you anywhere.” It’s a joke that he actually started between us.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,989
Registered: ‎08-18-2016

Re: Musings........

    @Annabellethecat,

When I eat at home I always tuck a dishcloth in at my neckline, because

 

No matter how neat, I wear what I eat.

 

It's like a good magic trick. When I look down at the dishcloth I'm always astonished, and I don't know how I do it.

 

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 677
Registered: ‎03-19-2016

Re: Musings........

@Annabellethecat  😹😸😺!

Occasional Contributor
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎08-01-2019

Re: Musings........

I don't feel alone any longer. LOL

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,673
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Musings........

I've been eating those tomato and bacon sammiches this week.  My tomato plants are doing so well this year.  But I end up like you do.  I have tomato juice all over my hands and running down my arms.  I've put a napkin tucked into my shirt, I bend over, and the best trick I've learned is to just eat over the kitchen sink.

Oh boy, you should have seen me with corn on the cob yesterday (or not).