Community Chat

[pistolino]

Some of you people are ridiculous.

[SHAYDIE]

I sure have.

[pistolino]

On 4/8/2014 glb613 said:

On 4/8/2014 SHAYDIE said:

Who said he DIL would take care of her? I have my doubts since AL and nursing homes of full of people whose families have better things to do.

Have you ever taken care of a totally dependent adult? Until you do, you have no idea what you're talking about. Shame on you.

Thank you. I doubt very much Shaydie has ever spent months getting 2-3 hours of sleep at night, changing adult diapers, dressing or bathing a person who can't do it themselves.

[SHAYDIE]

You would be wrong.

[jewelfool]

I haven't read through all the posts so I'm just jumping in but I can't understand for the life of me why children and/or children in laws (specifically daughters) want you to be involved so much in THEIR lives. Just like I didn't need or want to be their friends when they were little, I don't want to be their friends now...I'm the mother (or in-law). I have my own set of friends and if it's not a family event or taking care of the grandchildren I don't know why anything else would be necessary? Perhaps I am the Ice Queen I did see above..."you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

[croemer]

I too see many in my mothers assisted living who never see a relative and these people still have their sense's about them and can get around pretty well. Sad...

[reese2]

On 4/7/2014 Lila Belle said:

The time the OP spent posting about her DIL or other threads could have been spent shopping for Easter baskets or having a quick lunch.

Or both! If the OP loves her grandchildren, which I believe she does, there is the common ground. Even if it's confined to a quick lunch while shopping for occasions that involve the children, at least it's something.

If they live two hours apart each way, I understand why it wouldn't be a weekly thing. But that reason was never given by the OP. It was all about how boring the DIL was.

As for the children picking up on it, they will. Neither of my sons visited my MIL when they got older unless it was a holiday when we all went as a family.

[SHAYDIE]

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

I too see many in my mothers assisted living who never see a relative and these people still have their sense's about them and can get around pretty well. Sad...

That is irrelevant because the family members know whether or not they visit regardless of whether the one in there knows. I wonder how they would like it if they were locked away and forgotten?

[Lipstickdiva]

Every family is different. I'm not sure why some people think that grandparents are built-in babysitters for them. People should babysit their grandchildren if and when they want to but IMO they shouldn't be expected to give up their social life or me time because their kids need a babysitter. They had and raised their kids.

I have a friend who goes and picks up her grandkids every single Friday after work and takes them back to her daughter and SIL on Sunday evening so that her daughter can have a break. A break from taking care of her own children? I don't get it. My friend complains about doing it, doesn't get to do anything on the weekends because she has her grandkids and she herself works full-time. She has totally given up her social life and that's not fair.

Also, driving 4 hours round trip isn't something I'd want to do all the time. When your family lives that far away, you find a babysitter for your kids. I actually have a friend in this situation as well. Her daughter and SIL live in Columbus which is about 2 hours from us. They might go down to see their grandkids once a month, sometimes not that often. They have an active social life. She loves her grandkids to death but she also has her own life to live.

[azterry!]

On 4/8/2014 stevieb said:

My take on the stunning but boring remark was that to the OP, the DIL is a bit vacuous... pretty to look at, but not much else, which is an individual assessment and one that none of us can confirm or deny. The OP seems to want to maintain what she views as a healthy distance, involved on occasion, but not overly so. That really is her call, based on her lifestyle. This doesn't appear to be a jealousy thing to me... I will say, I can't believe this thread and all the accompanying analysis continues to live on and on...

And if there is any truth to the assumption made by some that the OP doesn't view her DIL as being a good fit for her son or for her family, an assumption, by the way, that didn't seem to be the case, she surely wouldn't be the first MIL to think her son made a questionable choice. Personally, I never interpreted the OP's comments as implying that, rather she seemed to merely accept her son's choice, wishes to set some limits, and while she finds her son's wife attractive, she doesn't find her particularly interesting...

But, didn't you just provide YOUR analysis?