Community Chat

[croemer]

On 4/8/2014 SHAYDIE said:

On 4/8/2014 croemer said:

I too see many in my mothers assisted living who never see a relative and these people still have their sense's about them and can get around pretty well. Sad...

That is irrelevant because the family members know whether or not they visit regardless of whether the one in there knows. I wonder how they would like it if they were locked away and forgotten?

AND...that was my point...they do not even have the EXCUSE that they won't know if they are there or not. Which of course is NO excuse.

[stilltamn8r]

Geez, if we live our entire lives based on what "might" happen to us when we are old, then we are living a type of indentured servitude to our younger relatives for our entire lives!

[croemer]

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:

Geez, if we live our entire lives based on what "might" happen to us when we are old, then we are living a type of indentured servitude to our younger relatives for our entire lives!

Amen to that!!

[stevieb]

On 4/8/2014 azterry! said:

On 4/8/2014 stevieb said:

My take on the stunning but boring remark was that <em>to the OP</em>, the DIL is a bit vacuous... pretty to look at, but not much else, which is an individual assessment and one that none of us can confirm or deny. The OP seems to want to maintain what she views as a healthy distance, involved on occasion, but not overly so. That really is her call, based on her lifestyle. This doesn't appear to be a jealousy thing to me... I will say, I can't believe this thread and all the accompanying analysis continues to live on and on...

And if there is any truth to the assumption made by some that the OP doesn't view her DIL as being a good fit for her son or for her family, an assumption, by the way, that didn't seem to be the case, she surely wouldn't be the first MIL to think her son made a questionable choice. Personally, I never interpreted the OP's comments as implying that, rather she seemed to merely accept her son's choice, wishes to set some limits, and while she finds her son's wife attractive, she doesn't find her particularly interesting...

But, didn't you just provide YOUR analysis?

Well, I sort of gave an opinion as to how I did and didn't 'interpret' the OP's comments, but stopped short of attributing motives (jealousy... etc.) to her, but your point is well taken... Oh well then, I can't believe this thread is still around!

[NoelSeven]

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:

Geez, if we live our entire lives based on what "might" happen to us when we are old, then we are living a type of indentured servitude to our younger relatives for our entire lives!

I don't see it as that, but don't you think we kind of do have to live our lives with old age in mind?

For example: taking care of our bodies at all ages, especially if we know what illness runs in our family. And saving and preparing for retirement.

With family, it's realizing many of those relationships will last a lifetime or almost, so we want to keep that in mind.

[scotttie]

On 4/8/2014 stevieb said:

I'd also note that a two hour trip to and from is hardly around the corner... Personally, given that little tidbit of information, I'd have to say I think the DIL is a bit presumptuous to assume her MIL should make that trip more than occasionally. I'm betting that road runs in both directions...

I agree.

[scotttie]

What I don't get, having kept up with this entire thread, is the amount of what I perceive as animosity towards the OP? Many people here have suggested ways the OP can mend fences with the DIL without putting down the OP's feelings. Others seem to be aghast that the OP lives her life differently than they would and have been very insulting to her.

I just don't get that.

[stilltamn8r]

On 4/8/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 4/8/2014 stilltamn8r said:

Geez, if we live our entire lives based on what "might" happen to us when we are old, then we are living a type of indentured servitude to our younger relatives for our entire lives!

I don't see it as that, but don't you think we kind of do have to live our lives with old age in mind?

For example: taking care of our bodies at all ages, especially if we know what illness runs in our family. And saving and preparing for retirement.

With family, it's realizing many of those relationships will last a lifetime or almost, so we want to keep that in mind.

Sure, but some posters seem to talk about getting along with their kids and doing things for them once they are adults (that they might NOT otherwise do) as some sort of
"chits" that they will cash in with those adult kids once they are old, or in a nursing home, or need help of some kind- Hey, if my kid doesn't want to help me when I'm old, fine, so be it, they don't have to- I raised them how I raised them, and didn't, and don't expect anything in return....

like, "You'll be sorry when you are old, if you don't treat your kid nice now, because then who will come visit you in the nursing home?" Sorry, I can't live my life like that...

[VanSleepy]

There is another thread going about watching grandchildren. Maybe the tone has changed since I read it yesterday, but there seems to be a whole bunch of grandmas who don't want to be babysitters.

[JJsMom]

You can choose to live a self-centered life. If that makes you happy, go for it. Just don't expect others to be generous to you with their time if you ever need them. Like I said, you reap what you sow.