Community Chat

[fourpaws56]

My Dad died in 1982, I was 25.  I rarely think of him and when I do it's with hatred. He caused me a lot of physical and emotional pain when I was a little girl.  When he got cancer it was I that took care of him, with love and compassion...I should not feel guilty for hating him but i do...

[Noel7]

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@fourpaws56 wrote:

My Dad died in 1982, I was 25.  I rarely think of him and when I do it's with hatred. He caused me a lot of physical and emotional pain when I was a little girl.  When he got cancer it was I that took care of him, with love and compassion...I should not feel guilty for hating him but i do...

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@fourpaws56. You are not guilty of anything, in fact, you probably did more for him than most people would have.  You deserve to be free of emotional pain.

[Noel7]

Everyone here deserved to be loved and to know they were.  Something is broken in so many parents and we are the ones who pay the price.

♥️

[fourpaws56]

thank you Noel...I have carried emotional pain all my life...it is not fun..frankly I am surprised i am still here

[Noel7]

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@fourpaws56 wrote:

thank you Noel...I have carried emotional pain all my life...it is not fun..frankly I am surprised i am still here

@fourpaws56

You're not alone.  I hope you have people who tell you they love you, you deserve that 🌺

[fourpaws56]

I think I am the happiest I have been...I live with my Son and his family. My Grandchildren are my world and I know they love me...thank you for your kind words!

[fourpaws56]

Good night Noel...off to sleep

[CinNC]

I wouldn't say I am less fond of my parents, but after meeting my BF's mother, and reconnecting with cousins on FB,  I realized how deeply dysfunctional my family was. We grew up having everything we needed (and more) as far as food, clothing, shelter. But my parents had issues relating to others and were deeply distrusting, and kept to themselves. Not comfortable socially unless alcohol was involved - they had very low self-esteem.  

[Moonchilde]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

@Moonchilde, I have no advice, just want to say I am sorry your childhood years were not the carefree, loving time you should have had.

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Thank you, @Mom2Dogs. 

Many people had it a lot unhappier, I know that. When this happened to me after my mom was gone, it kinda shocked me.

[Moonchilde]

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@alicedee wrote:

My parents made some mistakes....what parent doesn't?  I haven't forgotten the things that were wrong.....but realize that they did the best they knew how with the tools they had....and I choose to "let them off the hook" for any negatives, and focus on the positives, which were many.  

Obviously your hurt from past treatment runs deep.  Perhaps you'd feel better if you talked to a therapist or clergy person.....it sounds like your mother inflicted a lot of pain through the years, and it might be helpful to you to work through that with a trained person.  

I wish you well.  

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Thank you. I've thought about having a counseling session or two, but I actually feel that what I'm feeling now is in a way healthier than having bottled it up all my life. I'm healing by virtue of allowing myself to be angry. I'm not beating up her memory, exactly, just giving myself permission to understand she wasn't that great a mother, and that she meant more to me than I meant to her - and I've come to terms with that.