Re: LIVING TOGETHER!

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

We lived together about 25years before we got married. This was my second marriage. We were going to visit relatives in Sydney Australia so decided to get married while the whole family was together.

Two years later we were married in a small chapel in Vegas with some friends. Couldn't find any info about a marriage in another country, so did the Vegas thing.

Getting older we we thought it better legally to be married. Wills, money, pensions, house,etc.

Beth-QVC · ‎06-14-2015

Moved:

This post has been removed by QVC because it is off topic and religious

Deanie · ‎03-09-2010

@jaxs mom One of my Maxims. Of course it is a game. It is all a game. I dont recall saying anything about s-x. I said strategic advantage. It could be money, it could be power, it could be a number of things. Certainly, you do not have to agree with me. I was not addressing you in my reply, simply expressing my own position. However, why does my position make you so angry? Never mind, rhetorical.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

I'm not angry, but I also don't treat relationships as a game. Not at all.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@Deanie wrote:
Interesting topic. As for @hckynut 40 years???? did I read that correctly? Good Grief. Why bother? Anyway, speaking from a non-religious point of view: as a woman, IMHO, women that live with their men before marriage are effectively giving up their strategic advantage by doing so. Now, that being said: a funny story, a friend of mine was living with her then significant other (whatever) which he had done before with another woman. They felt they had made a commitment to each other and did not need a piece of paper to do so. ( Her words not mine.)They were not young. She had been divorced and he had never been married. She had grown children, he had none. So, I set the stage for this delicious story. They were buying a house together and going to settlement. I asked her why? She said that they were purchasing the house and had to go sign the papers". I replied, well, why don't you just tell the bank that you have made a commitment to the house you are purchasing and do not need a piece of paper telling them so. How do you think the bank will take that? Two weeks later they went to Vegas and got married. Viva Las Vegas!

@Deanie

I made a math mistake, it actually was a bit over 30 years. Now for you. "Good grief.Why bother"?

Do you really want me to spell it out for you, year by year, step by step, reason by reason? Probably not. There were reasons, but I will leave it at that.

My question to you. Any way you want to cut it, we have been together for 44+ years. To me whether it is "shacked up" or married, we ARE still together. And she still is the love of my life, and while I cannot speak for my wife, I am gonna guess she feels the same about me. And again, yes, it was my first and her first marriage.

Now 64% of those divorced get remarried, depending on gender. Thus you have some with multiples. I personally know men and/or woman that have been married 5 times. Two of them remarried the same person again. Talk about "good grief, why bother"!

hckynut(john)

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

@Lipstickdiva wrote:
My mom always ingrained in both my sister and me that living together without being married was just wrong. I never lived with my boyfriend before we got married and my sister has never lived with anyone either.

I feel it is up to each individual to decide what is right for them. I have friends who have daughters who live with every guy they are dating. They date for 2 weeks and are moving in together. They break up, it's a mess because of the lease, etc. They are single for a few months and the same thing happens again. That I just don't understand.

What does bother me are women and men who have small children and choose to live with someone after a short amount of time. When and if it doesn't work out, the children are devastated yet again.

I really agree with you regarding this @Lipstickdiva. I was a single mom and when I started dating my now husband my daughter didn't even meet him for almost a year. I had coworkers in the past who would let a guy move in with them and their child after only knowing them a couple of months. You don't know what your chances look like with a person after dating a couple of months. Plus, you don't know a lot about a person period after dating for a few months. If you want to take that chance as a single adult with no children that is one thing but to bring a kid into it is not fair to the kid. Personally I would wonder about a guy who would want to move in with a women he just met having children, so quickly. That would have my antennas up for sure.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

Maudelyn · ‎09-08-2016

@Deanie wrote:
@jaxs mom One of my Maxims. Of course it is a game. It is all a game. I dont recall saying anything about s-x. I said strategic advantage. It could be money, it could be power, it could be a number of things. Certainly, you do not have to agree with me. I was not addressing you in my reply, simply expressing my own position. However, why does my position make you so angry? Never mind, rhetorical.

Maybe it's a game to you and within your relationships, but many of us wouldn't even consider having to hold something back as leverage to snare an unwilling partner. Many people are in relationships where both partners are equal and together by choice.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Deanie wrote:
@jaxs mom One of my Maxims. Of course it is a game. It is all a game. I dont recall saying anything about s-x. I said strategic advantage. It could be money, it could be power, it could be a number of things. Certainly, you do not have to agree with me. I was not addressing you in my reply, simply expressing my own position. However, why does my position make you so angry? Never mind, rhetorical.

***************************

@Deanie

It seemed to me you meant sex since you said it was the woman who had a strategic advantage, and I have to agree it sounds like a game, like checkers or chess, who makes the next move. I don't see that as how to manage a relationship, it comes across as manipulative.

I understand it's your opinion and you are entitled to it, it's just something I can't see doing.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@Maudelyn wrote:
@Deanie wrote:
@jaxs mom One of my Maxims. Of course it is a game. It is all a game. I dont recall saying anything about s-x. I said strategic advantage. It could be money, it could be power, it could be a number of things. Certainly, you do not have to agree with me. I was not addressing you in my reply, simply expressing my own position. However, why does my position make you so angry? Never mind, rhetorical.
Maybe it's a game to you and within your relationships, but many of us wouldn't even consider having to hold something back as leverage to snare an unwilling partner. Many people are in relationships where both partners are equal and together by choice.

Exactly, I'm not interested in landing a man though manipulation and games. I am who I am. I'm up front about it. Either we're compatible or we're not. All game playing gets you is misery anyway because you aren't being your authentic self. Who wants to go through life pretending to be something else? And then what you marry a guy who thinks you're someone you aren't, ya he's sure to be happy about that. No wonder there are so many divorces.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

I think it's terrible the way some of you ladies attack anyone who espouses more traditional customs and values on this board. It is truly a blood sport. Deanie has a right to her way of doing things. If I remember her posts correctly, she's done very well for herself. She's not pushing her way of doing things on you.