Re: Kissing Children

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
You can "get to know" someone and still not know that they are not who you think they are.

That is a true statement. It goes for all of us, though. We don't live in certainty, ever. The logical conclusion is that everybody is a danger to our children. The nice SAHM up the street could be dealing drugs; the dad next door could be a child predator.

All we can do is to trust our instincts and be on top of it -- without, of course, making our children overly fearful of everyone and every situation.

I am referring here to the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date. I find that a very sad indictment of men.
Oh, well, I would agree about the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date.

But to think that if you "get to know" a man who kisses your young child on the lips and then everything must be okay is just not sufficient.

Did anyone say this? I know that I didn't. In this specific case, more information is necessary.

My replies to you have to do ONLY with the idea that all men are suspect.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@MickD wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 yes I could imagine cps knocking on my door. It happens in neighborhoods everyday. Just like police knocking on doors everyday. Reporting an incident does not make it to be true or untrue. It is the first step in the investigative process. Nothing more and nothing less. Let the investigative parties do their job. If the incidents are unfounded so be it. It should be confidential.

I think her point was that the parents should be informed before this happens. It's not fair to have them caught off guard. The issue involves their child, and they shouldn't be left in the dark while the OP knows what's about to happen. It's unnecessarily cruel, IMO, when the likelihood is that the sudden appearance of an investigator on their doorstep is going to frighten them.

I would be furious if a neighbor had these concerns and didn't alert me first and right away. Letting me know would make me feel as though she was concerned. Disregarding me totally and going straight to CPS would make me feel as though she was simply meddling.

CPS and the police do knock on doors every day. But when it's YOUR door, it's certainly not an everyday occurrence, and can be terrifying. The parents of this girl need to be spared the surprise aspect of that experience. And - if something untoward is really going on - it's best if they know immediately rather than waiting for CPS to show up and investigate.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@cherry wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@cherry wrote:
Does the child seem at all troubled by this behavior?
She just seems giddy and good humored when they kiss.
It doesn't sound like she is afraid of him
Which could be a HUGE problem.

You've heard of "grooming", right?

Yes I have but without some sort of proof this man has done something wrong . I am reluctant to accuse him of anything. I think the mother needs to talk to her child

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
You can "get to know" someone and still not know that they are not who you think they are.

That is a true statement. It goes for all of us, though. We don't live in certainty, ever. The logical conclusion is that everybody is a danger to our children. The nice SAHM up the street could be dealing drugs; the dad next door could be a child predator.

All we can do is to trust our instincts and be on top of it -- without, of course, making our children overly fearful of everyone and every situation.

I am referring here to the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date. I find that a very sad indictment of men.
Oh, well, I would agree about the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date.

But to think that if you "get to know" a man who kisses your young child on the lips and then everything must be okay is just not sufficient.
Did anyone say this? I know that I didn't. In this specific case, more information is necessary.

My replies to you have to do ONLY with the idea that all men are suspect.

O.K.

I think that all grown men who kiss little girls on the mouth ARE suspect.

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@cherry wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@cherry wrote:
@fortune wrote:
@cherry wrote:
Does the child seem at all troubled by this behavior?
She just seems giddy and good humored when they kiss.
It doesn't sound like she is afraid of him
Which could be a HUGE problem.

You've heard of "grooming", right?
Yes I have but without some sort of proof this man has done something wrong . I am reluctant to accuse him of anything. I think the mother needs to talk to her child

I think she needs to talk to the man.

In no uncertain terms.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
You can "get to know" someone and still not know that they are not who you think they are.

That is a true statement. It goes for all of us, though. We don't live in certainty, ever. The logical conclusion is that everybody is a danger to our children. The nice SAHM up the street could be dealing drugs; the dad next door could be a child predator.

All we can do is to trust our instincts and be on top of it -- without, of course, making our children overly fearful of everyone and every situation.

I am referring here to the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date. I find that a very sad indictment of men.
Oh, well, I would agree about the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date.

But to think that if you "get to know" a man who kisses your young child on the lips and then everything must be okay is just not sufficient.
Did anyone say this? I know that I didn't. In this specific case, more information is necessary.

My replies to you have to do ONLY with the idea that all men are suspect.
O.K.

I think that all grown men who kiss little girls on the mouth ARE suspect.

And yet again, I was not speaking of this incident; I was replying to a poster who said that no father should host a play date involving girls.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

So the little girl's mother is legally blind and doesn't leave the house. She sounds checked out. The girls always play at the girl/creepy dad house. Where is the little girl's dad and siblings?

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@QueenDanceALot wrote:
You can "get to know" someone and still not know that they are not who you think they are.

That is a true statement. It goes for all of us, though. We don't live in certainty, ever. The logical conclusion is that everybody is a danger to our children. The nice SAHM up the street could be dealing drugs; the dad next door could be a child predator.

All we can do is to trust our instincts and be on top of it -- without, of course, making our children overly fearful of everyone and every situation.

I am referring here to the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date. I find that a very sad indictment of men.
Oh, well, I would agree about the suggestion that no father should be host to a play date.

But to think that if you "get to know" a man who kisses your young child on the lips and then everything must be okay is just not sufficient.
Did anyone say this? I know that I didn't. In this specific case, more information is necessary.

My replies to you have to do ONLY with the idea that all men are suspect.
O.K.

I think that all grown men who kiss little girls on the mouth ARE suspect.

And yet again, I was not speaking of this incident; I was replying to a poster who said that no father should host a play date involving girls.

OKAY ALREADY

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

There is a HUGE difference between an adult kissing a child on the MOUTH, and kissing a child on the lips.

To kiss someone on the MOUTH, means that the mouth is open, and tongues possibly involved.

To kiss on the LIPS, means that the mouth is closed, top and bottom lip pressed together.

As I said earlier, my Godparents would kiss me on my LIPS, right in front of my mother.

There was NO ill intent behind the kiss, but because my Godfather did kiss me like that, some would automatically label him a child molester.

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

@MickD wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 yes I could imagine cps knocking on my door. It happens in neighborhoods everyday. Just like police knocking on doors everyday. Reporting an incident does not make it to be true or untrue. It is the first step in the investigative process. Nothing more and nothing less. Let the investigative parties do their job. If the incidents are unfounded so be it. It should be confidential.

The mere reporting and investigation can have severe consequences and getting the record of an unfounded finding expunged can be expensive, be fast and easy or take a very long time and generally requires petitioning a court.and having a hearing.

The requirements, time frame and procedures to have the record of an unfounded finding expunged is state statute dependent.

You might find this interesting reading: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/registry.pdf

What is good for the goose today will also be good for the gander tomorrow.