Community Chat

[goodstuff]

........in assisted living. Due to price decreases in this economy, my MIL has recently been able to relocate (by the skin of her wallet) from a small, simple personal care home to a larger, nicer assisted living community. She is doing well in the new place overall, but a bit of a quandary is developing as she has many neighbors who are financially better off than she is, and she feels constrained to "match them" in gift-giving and shows of hospitality. One of her dinner tablemates has several well-to-do daughters who visit her daily and recently threw an elaborate birthday party for her, bringing in a fancy cake large enough to feed the whole facility, paper products, decorations, flowers -- the works. MIL was upset because when her birthday came a few weeks later we had her to our home for a nice, simpler birthday dinner with our family with a family-size birthday cake, family exchange of gifts, etc. rather than a big bash to impress her friends. She felt obligated to give a birthday gift to her friend who gave the big party, and gave the friend a potted plant we had just purchased for her to enjoy in her own apartment. Now it's Christmas. Some of the ladies at the A.L. are exchanging gifts, and she wants to give gifts too. This is an issue because she is no longer able to get out and shop and really can't afford to buy multiple gifts for other people! All of the shopping and buying will be on DH and me, and I see a really dangerous precedent here. Where's the end to it? Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and all the rest.........lots of upcoming opportunities for her to feel that she has to "keep up with the Joneses." DH thinks we should go ahead and buy small gifts for her to give; I'm for putting the kibosh on this. She really shouldn't feel obligated to give gifts she can't afford, and I see no end in sight.

What would you do?