Community Chat

[Lucky Charm]

Happened to me with my oldest son almost 9 years ago when he met a girl from Long Island.

We are extremely close, we talk for hours a couple times a week and I'm lucky to be able to see them about once a month.

I don't work so I can fly up there and sometimes I even drive the almost 700 miles.  We just purchased a home that's only about 120-130 miles from them so they can come and stay with us.  And it will be an easier drive for us to go up there....although is it ever easy getting through NYC?

I'm a big part of my grandchildren's lives and I don't let the distance get between us for his three kids.  We've flown in on a whim, just to Trick or Treat with them before.  I was just there last Sunday/Monday to stay with my grandson who was sick with allergies so bad and had to miss school.  Luckily I will see them next weekend, too.

The only problem is when we are up north, I don't get to see all my other grandchildren who've always lived close by.  I'm so torn! 

I feel your pain, but you can make the best of it by seeing your little one as much as possible.

I don't do facetime or any of that.  To me, that would be painful.  I know some people wouldn't understand, but it's how I am...

[Serenity-Now]

@Irshgrl31201, my heart goes out to you.  We have an only son, and we were the closest-knit family unit for many years, until he started dating girls who only wanted their own families, and not his.  We never, ever, in a million years thought our son would go along with basically dumping us, but he did.  So I'm saying that although I know your heart is breaking, it could be worse.  Your family sounds as if they actually value you, too.  It isn't one-sided.  Your family will remain whole, you will have holidays together, you will have many wonderful new memories to make together.  My dh & I spend each & every holiday alone, and have done for years now.  We have a new granddaughter we haven't seen, and unfortunately I am now too ill to travel any longer.  They live in another state, 5 minutes from her family.  They see them every day.  We all get along, but it is as if he emotionally divorced us.  There isn't even any bad blood between any of us.  We have had to somehow cope.  

I know it will still be hard for you & your local family, and you'll miss them terribly.  But you'll still remain close, and remember they will probably want to do lots of video chats, and you can read books to your grandchild in video chat, too.  It won't be the same as being there, but it is a lot better than the alternative.  Don't despair, you all sound as if you know to keep on loving & cherishing each other.  You will be missed. That means the world, to be missed & cherished.  Take heart. 

[missy1]

If your sil accepts the position, at least you have a lot of time to prepare. 

[Susan in California]

It sounds like you are a very understanding person, and yet there is no doubt it will be different with your daughter and her family moving away. So many of the comments have been so true.

I have heard Austin is a wonderful city.  It will probably be a lot of fun visiting.

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with daughter and family.  I would guess they would love having you come for visits.

Our younger son and family live in Seattle.  We have to travel for visits, but we do it often, and I even know the checkers at a couple of supermarkets-- when I go, I do a lot of the cooking.

I'm trying to share an upbeat attitude.  Our nine year old granddaughter is very

close with us, sleeps with me and grandpa when we visit.

Would I love it if we lived in the same town?  Yes. 

But we work around it, and visit often.

I wish you well, and I know it will be hard and definitely different.  But as so many posters have mentioned, it's hard to know totally what the future brings. 

[ms traditional]

---

@skuggles wrote:

I totally understand. I lost my two best friends in the last year and a half(both died), and my two childrn who lived nearby moved away. My oldest moved very far from home a long time ago. I'll be honest, I cry a lot because I miss all of them, and it seems sometimes that I lost everyone except dh all in one fell swoop. It's pretty lonely without them.

---

gosh you have had a bad streak.  good for you for soldiering on.  hope someone new pops into your life to brighten it up!

[Susan in California]

@skuggles

I really appreciate your heart-felt post.  Thank you for sharing.  Take care,

and thank you for so many of your very thoughtful posts.

[JavaQueen]

HI

I think it's great that you chose to share this here.

I think that is great news! Austin is a great place to visit. It is sad to see them go, but it offers opportunities. As a family, they need to grow and thsi will help them. I am excited for them. For your part, you will have a great place to visit and we live in the age of skype and email. There are planes. Most of all, you are bound together with cords of love. Nothing will ever change that. 

[Irshgrl31201]

---

@Lucky Charm wrote:

Happened to me with my oldest son almost 9 years ago when he met a girl from Long Island.

We are extremely close, we talk for hours a couple times a week and I'm lucky to be able to see them about once a month.

I don't work so I can fly up there and sometimes I even drive the almost 700 miles.  We just purchased a home that's only about 120-130 miles from them so they can come and stay with us.  And it will be an easier drive for us to go up there....although is it ever easy getting through NYC?

I'm a big part of my grandchildren's lives and I don't let the distance get between us for his three kids.  We've flown in on a whim, just to Trick or Treat with them before.  I was just there last Sunday/Monday to stay with my grandson who was sick with allergies so bad and had to miss school.  Luckily I will see them next weekend, too.

The only problem is when we are up north, I don't get to see all my other grandchildren who've always lived close by.  I'm so torn! 

I feel your pain, but you can make the best of it by seeing your little one as much as possible.

I don't do facetime or any of that.  To me, that would be painful.  I know some people wouldn't understand, but it's how I am...

---

Thank you for telling me all of this. You don't know how much this helps me. Yes, I do understand what you mean about it being more painful. I completely understand that!!! Thanks so much @Lucky Charm for sharing that!!

[skuggles]

@Susan in California @ms traditional Thank you so much. Your kind words have made me feel good inside, and I appreciate it. 

[Irshgrl31201]

---

@Serenity-Now wrote:

@Irshgrl31201, my heart goes out to you.  We have an only son, and we were the closest-knit family unit for many years, until he started dating girls who only wanted their own families, and not his.  We never, ever, in a million years thought our son would go along with basically dumping us, but he did.  So I'm saying that although I know your heart is breaking, it could be worse.  Your family sounds as if they actually value you, too.  It isn't one-sided.  Your family will remain whole, you will have holidays together, you will have many wonderful new memories to make together.  My dh & I spend each & every holiday alone, and have done for years now.  We have a new granddaughter we haven't seen, and unfortunately I am now too ill to travel any longer.  They live in another state, 5 minutes from her family.  They see them every day.  We all get along, but it is as if he emotionally divorced us.  There isn't even any bad blood between any of us.  We have had to somehow cope.  

I know it will still be hard for you & your local family, and you'll miss them terribly.  But you'll still remain close, and remember they will probably want to do lots of video chats, and you can read books to your grandchild in video chat, too.  It won't be the same as being there, but it is a lot better than the alternative.  Don't despair, you all sound as if you know to keep on loving & cherishing each other.  You will be missed. That means the world, to be missed & cherished.  Take heart. 

---

@Serenity-Now oh I am so sorry to hear this. It is shocking and surprising when something like that happens to someone you are so close with. You think it would never happen to you but I have seen that happen many times to lots of people. The sad thing is that the wives or girlfriends themselves miss out on some really loving and supportive families. 

Something similar happened in our family with my brother. When he got married, he married a woman who was extremely jealous and really tried to get him not only away from us but any friends he had too. Thankfully after a while he woke up. She came from a really dysfunctional family and it took her a while to learn how to feel secure enough with herself to share someone. Her relationship with my niece and nephew is just now getting back on track and this happened over 15 yrs ago. I am glad she woke up though but she lost my brother and that devastated her for a very long time. The thing was, like you there wasn't any bad blood between us and her either. We don't know why she was like that. 

You know, women are the gatekeepers in many regards to keeping up with relationships or hindering them and it is really sad when a woman would want to keep family and friends away from their husband/boyfriend. They are really insecure and in the end they only hurt themselves.

I am so sorry that has happened to you and your husband. I really hope that your son sees how much he has hurt you and does his best to make it right. 

Thank you so much for taking the time out to write to me!! It really means a lot!