Community Chat

[elainemasey]

Let me start by saying this has nothing to do with money. Mom informed me this week that she wants to leave all of her most special jewelry( not necessarily expensive) to my sister because she has 3 daughters. I have 1 son and mom feels that my son would eventually inherit the jewelry, his wife would wear it and what if the marriage doesn't work out??? I am really hurt.. Not that it should matter, but I am also the one, for many years, that does everything for her. Am I wrong to feel this way??? I told her I would bring back the few pieces I have already, not that she asked for them, but they don't feel special anymore. What would you do? She knows I am hurt but she can't take back what she said, especially if that is how she really feels.

[Kachina624]

I can understand your hurt; I would be too. How about another conversation where you assure her that you will do a will leaving the jewelry to your nieces? We had the same situation in my family but I wanted my sister who has daughters, to have the antique furniture pieces, mom's diamonds and a diamond ring I'd inherited from an aunt. My only child is deceased and his two sons are from a family that would not appreciate these things.

[elainemasey]

Thank you. I have thought about telling her I would put in my will to leave the pieces to my nieces but that makes me feel like she wasn't really giving them to me. It bothers me. I also kind of feel it should be between my sister, brother and I. But, it's her stuff and that makes me feel greedy and petty. I was just really surprised.

[Nuttmeg]

Please try do not let this ""will"" bring hurt feeling between you and your mom. Young folk are not going to have much interest in the things we leave behind.

[elainemasey]

As of today, my nieces are very much tomboys. It feels a lot like my sisters " more me".

[goodstuff]

I hope you can re-examine your feelings, keep and enjoy the pieces of jewelry your Mom has already given you, and give your Mom the freedom to dispose of her things as she sees fit. If there are specific pieces you love and would find particularly meaningful, maybe you could communicate that to your Mom......but be prepared to accept that she is entitled to her own reasons and decisions for bequeathing her possessions.

[occasionalrain]

I'm sorry this shouldn't have happened.

Of course you're hurt, what happens to her jewelry long after she, and apparently you and your sister, are all gone matters more to her than your feelings or your son's. What if your son gets married and has daughters for you to pass the jewelry on to?

Your mother was thoughtless and there is no way to fix it. Nothing said now by you or her will change it. Bargaining for a few pieces won't change it because they will carry the reminder that she wanted your sister and her daughters to have them, not you.

[Financialgrl]

I'm with nutmeg and Goodstuff - the young have different tastes than we do so they may inherit it and never use or wear it.

Don't offer your pieces back - instead keep the few pieces you presently have and should your son have a daughter(s), in your will you can pass that down to her/them. I don't see this as slighting you as much as a grandmother wishing to pass down something that will eventually get to her granddaughters. Should your son have daughters eventually, maybe that'll make a difference and she'll leave something to you for them in the will.

[GCR18]

I don't think there's anything else to be done. Your mother expressed her wishes, you told her you were hurt and she said why she was doing it. Rehashing it may guilt her into changing her mind, but that won't change her feelings.

IMO you need to come to terms with the fact that she wants to leave the jewelry to her granddaughters. My mother went through something similar with her mother and it left alot of bitter feelings between her and her brother. My grandmother never would have wanted that.

[pinkskates4]

I understand why you're hurt. Good grief, your mom wants to bypass her own daughter in favor of granddaughters.

If she's so worried about keeping the precious jewelry in the family, how is she going to guarantee that these girls will have daughters and not sons?

Personally, if it were me, I'd give her back whatever pieces she's apparently allowed you to borrow and tell her that since she doesn't want to leave her jewelry to you that she can go ahead and give it to your sister now.

I just don't understand why people have to be so hurtful over possessions. I agree - it's not about the actual jewelry - it's the way she is handling it.