Community Chat

[VaBelle35]

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

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@VaBelle35 wrote:

This reminds me of a date I went on many years ago.  I asked if he was officially divorced before accepting the date (as some men like to claim they are "divorced in their mind" or "separated but I feel divorced" -- I could go on and on with the various ways in which this question is answered).

By the end of the date he admitted that he was legally divorced from his first wife, but not his second wife.

It taught me to phrase the question differently going forward. 

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You probably would not have gone out with him had he told you the truth, correct? @VaBelle35 

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Correct.  We were not quite 30 at the time, so I was only willing to accept 1 divorce at that age.

[haddon9]

@gertrudecloset Well I take it then you never even asked him why he's withholding the information reagarding all of his children to his girlfriend.

[Drythe]

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

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@Drythe wrote:

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

No it's not a survey @Drythe .  I guess you would have liked some "back story?"

I'll consider adding some.  I'm really asking for romantic/marriage relationship purposes that have nothing to do with me, but a relative I tried telling this to for many years.

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@gertrudecloset 

Nope, no “backstory” necessary.

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I guess you bothered just cause then!  LOL @Drythe .  I do it too....

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@gertrudecloset 

I made a comment on a chat board. 

No bother.

[Sushismom]

My thoughts on the general subject is NO ONE needs to know everything about me.

However, on the subject at hand, I would say my SO needs to know about all the kids I have. 

[Mindy D]

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@gertrudecloset wrote:

Here we go:

I have a male relative who has had children with several women.  He has been divorced twice.  From both of his unions he has 5 children.  He is in his late fifties, but thinks he's still 35 when it comes to women.  He's always been woman chaser (even when he had one at home).  

About a month ago, I got a call from him wanting to see if he could come visit because he wanted me to meet someone he'd met.  I told him no, because of Covid.  He called about a week or so later and I asked him about the person he wanted me to meet.  He told me it was a woman he's been seeing.  OK.  I know he's not tied down to anyone anymore.

I get more details from my baby sis, that this relative has this younger woman preggers and she doesn't know about all of his other children.  She believes that relative only has 2.  That's all he told her about.  From his first marriage and not his second.  New girl is pregnant too now, under the impression her honey will be having a third child (not knowing her's will be his 6th.

As a family I have never involved myself with his mess. I want no parts of his wheeling and dealing because if I met her, it wouldn't be right for me to say anything to her (and I would not).  I also feel like I would be aiding and abetting his lie.  I personally feel he is lying by ommission and I think this really wrong.

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@gertrudecloset @In this case, the male relative is lying by omission. How serious this is depends on his relationship status with the preggars girl. Male's omission could influence preggars girl's decision to have the child because she might not want to proceed with the pregnancy if she believes that male relative will be financially strapped from paying for six children and might not be able to afford to financially assist her with the current pregnancy and future expenses in the support of the child. Preggars girl might also feel that the male relative is not in touch with kids from fist marriage and she does not consider him father material due to this. Preggars girl could be taking new relationship to a higher level, including marriage or living with male relative, and she is entitled to know of his former marriages and families. So, to shorten my answer, male relative's lying by omission is dishonest and totally improper in this case.

[NYCLatinaMe]

Hi @gertrudecloset I don't know if you are still welcoming opinions, if not, feel free to ignore.  I commented earlier in the thread before you had shared the pertinent details, that your relative asked if he could come visit because he wanted you to meet someone he'd met, who turns out to be a lady who is pregnant with his child.

While you wrote he hasn't told her about his second marriage and children with his second wife, whom he apparently still has a relationship with, you didn't tell us whether he asked you not to tell his pregnant friend about this second marriage and children.  Did he?

If he didn't, maybe he is subconsciously looking for help with this disclosure.  I always like to think the best of people (unless I know otherwise, of course), and here, he wants his pregnant friend to meet you, his relative.  

Maybe he wants to take this newish relationship to a new level, and wants your input.  Maybe your relative wants the friend to see the interaction between you and him, and maybe you ask him about these children in front of her.  Maybe you ask if he has new pictures.  Maybe you ask the friend whether she has already met his children.  If he hasn't told you not to share this info, and depending on how you deal with each other, this may not be out of line, and may be a way for him to start telling her about these family members.

If you have them over and say nothing, you may also be withholding information, because, at least in my family, when we see each other, it would be natural to ask how the children are.  And after all, he is bringing his friend so you can meet her.  So to me that means that he values all of you.

[Cakers3]

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@Scooby Doo wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

Do these pants make my butt look fat?

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No, but the second helpings and ice cream dessert do.

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@Scooby Doo   Okay now that is funny.  LOL

[agb80]

If the liar who likes to impregnate women suddenly dies and has tangible assets, the new pregnant woman in his life will soon meet all of the others as they all clamor for a piece of the pie.  

[SurferWife]

No, they aren't lying to you.  They are keeping something private.

[agb80]

It is called having skeletons in your closet.

It is also called having baggage. 

It is also called being a coward.

Yes of course it is called lying by withholding information.